regret

I have anger management issues, although they dont effect me everyday, I loss control maybe a dozen times a year, and sometimes with my husband. Because of this lack of control I feel anti social and suicidal. I have a child, and I barely raise a voice to him, nor do I ever really fight with my friends, colleagues, customers or family, but some people are just rude, these people push me over the edge, and I end up yelling and swearing, sometimes in public. mostly its members of the public that endure my wrath, people who tend to do something I believe is malicious or spiteful, and because I dont know them I have no filters. I especially have it in for middle aged men. I had a hard time with my father growing up, who was abusive and use to hit me on the head, and the men in the age group 50-60 tend to be grumpy bitter. They are these sexless human beings, and I really hate that demo graphic. I also have trouble controlling the volume of my voice. My parents use to scream at each other through my child hood, my mum didnt divorce my dad because she didnt work and financial issues. she also had a religious element to it. As this was my model, I tend to raise my voice, its uncontrollable and I end up hating myself.