Unable to cry?

Hi anxietybucket,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling that way. I felt the same not long ago. I hadn't been able to cry for ages, and had developed a very dark and negative outlook (well that negativity was always there and is something I have recognised and am trying to work on...). I was able to break through though and finally release the tears.

It is a matter of the heart. If your heart is darkened it becomes hard and you cannot express those feelings that you are suppressing. I was able to release it when there was a chink that opened up, just a crack, with the help of the kind words of a friend. I am still working on it, but that trigger helped me. Is there someone you could speak to?

When I finally cry after a long time of darkness, I can feel the heaviness of my heart and though it hurts, there is a relief that comes with the release. What lifts your heart?

Thank you popcorn123 for your kind reply.

I managed to open the floodgates with the help of a friend yesterday. It doesn't solve the issue, but it gave me enough of a release that I could get back to reality for a little while.

I've been thinking a lot about what lifts my heart today, and whilst normally my partner lifts my heart to bursting point, this current bout of relationship anxiety has made this a bit more difficult. He does still lift my heart, but it's alongside anxiety at the moment.

I've been looking at how I can dig my way out of this hole - I'm thinking about doing a creative writing course to give me an output. What do you think?

I'm glad to hear you were finally able to release the torrent of tears! Of course it is not a cure, but at least the catharsis helps.

I can understand how your partner lifts your heart - you love him. But what uplifts you without others involved? Love is beautiful, but is not the only thing that drives the heart. I would suggest even thinking about the simple things - for example the clouds as they drift across the blue sky, the wind ruffling the leaves, etc. Then you can delve deeper and think about how to improve yourself. If you take a step back and think about yourself before you connect with others, perhaps it would strengthen your relationship because you would feel more secure about yourself, then you would be able to offer more to your partnership.

Creative writing sounds like a great idea! Go for it!

Thanks popcorn123, those are beautiful words.

I've been doing a lot of thinking as I work my way through this anxiety, and I think you are right - I need to know what lifts my heart which is just for me. I know I did have those things, but I think they got lost along the way until I reached this state of anxiety again. I was so busy trying to be something for everyone else, I forgot myself.

So, the first thing that lifts my heart, that is just for me - I love the rain. I love being inside, watching the rain outside and knowing I am safe and dry indoors.

That's lovely.

I hope you can get out of that bucket.