PLEASE HELP ME : SUICIDAL

TRIGGER WARNING : PEDOPHILLIA


when I was around 7 I engaged in some sexual experimentation with my neighbour neighbour kid.

I am a pmo addict

so last year this incident came to my mind, and I suddenly started to masturbated imagining that, it happened around a couple of times.

I literally have no idea why I did that, but in my mind, I never gave it a second thought, I thought I engaged in some sexual activit
but the girl is still living near me, and I have a huge crush on her, and masturbated a lot of times fantasizing her.

so my question is, does this makes me a pedophile? is it normal for a person to masturbate to their memories of sexual activities,
the age here is freaking me out.

also, I never sexualized or fantasized children sexually.



the thought I masturbated to was thinking that I engaged in some sexual activity.

well pmo means porn, masturbation, orgasm

also remember having weired fantasies like me going back in a time machine to my 7 year old self and teach him what masturbation is and so that I could have a better context to masturbate to now. like making him to do. but I never thought about me touching a little girl, but this makes me question whether it comes under auto-pedophillia category

but as I said, I never thought about having children even once, as it won't feel just right me, but I didn't had any idea what to masturbate to then , and this suddenly popped up. I am not sure what I exactly had in my fantasy, but It was never the adult me touching a child, or I never felt attracted to a child,
tbh, I never even thought about the age, I tought it was just a sexual experience and I masturbated, just with the thought of I did something.

also, I have fantasized the girl a lot of time, and everytime the girl is an adult and I am an adult, but this freaks me out.

is it normal for someone to masturbate to their childhood sexual experiences?

I Mean I have masturbated to lot of my other things that happened in my childhood like I have seen some adult women naked as they didn't bothered of being naked in me ( not my family members)

when ever I fantasize that girl, it was always the adult version of her, but I don't know why did I did that.
when I inluded the age factor in that, I started to freak out

I even had some weird fantasies like I wish I had the same sexual knowledge now, so that I would have some sexual experiences as a kid, so that I will be having the feeling of I engaged in a sexual interaction
the thing is I never thought about the age, and when I think about the age, It started to freak me out.
am I a pedophile?