What are all the ways to develope self esteem?
apparently mine is very low, i am incredibly insecure about my body unless it is perfect in my own eyes, and incredibly vain when it is. I used to despise vanity, but it feels better then my insecurity. I really dont want to be that way, but i am. I also think i might be confused about vanity and "self love" how can you love your body without being insane? I can only say thay i inspect my body every opportuniy i get. And i like to fluant my body to women, eapecially shy, insecure, overweight women, although im not attracted to them. But id have little bother f***ing them all the same. Even men although again, im not attracted, such things simply dont bother me. Not sure what you call that sort of thing.
I also just dont feel comfortable when im above 5-7% body fat, i get hot at night and cant sleep, and i feel too heavy and uncomortable to run or do anything agile, its a really weird tick/ocd kind of thing, and I feel that it goes beyond insecurity, although i definetly am insecure about my asthetic quality.
Then other parts i seem to ignore, i look like ive had over 2 dozen major surgeries, yet i havent had one. None of the scars on my face or body seem to bother my conscience, and my teeth are no where near an attractive smile, yet i couldnt care less, i havent had a single cavity my entire life, that counts to me.
I'm also a small guy 5' 7" ~128lbs, dosent bother me at all, i like being able to jump arround and climb. I used to be big and shredded; 160lbs and about as low a body fat level as a human being can get, unhealthy competition levels, though i never competed. What happened? I got addicted to cycling, and fell out of lifting. i cant belive the changes ive gone through over the years.
In my honest opinion 5-7% body fat is not unhealthy "if" your super athletic like me, i normally eat between 3,000-8,000 calories a day. The only way I could gain weight is by training less, or taking drugs, and i loose my sh** when i train less, it only happens when i fall into major depressive states.