Girlfriend lost feelings for me- is it her depression?

Hi there. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I will try and be informative but brief!

Myself and my partner (now ex) couldn’t be more perfect for each other. We were together just under a year and our relationship was great. We rarely argued or fell out and for 99% of the time we enjoyed every second of each others company. We both felt we were in this for life. I am 24 and she is 22. We are both women.

We were so happy that we’d found each other and had more or less everything in common. We both work in the same job, and have the same morals, interests etc.
In May this year I moved in with her and her parents, which was amazing. We both got on well and the fact of living together didn’t affect our relationship at all, we still enjoyed every second together and didn’t get that “you are doing my head in now” feeling.

Around April she started showing signs of low mood. Her confidence just vanished, almost overnight, as did our physical relationship. We both spoke honestly and openly about it all and she assured me she still felt the same and wanted to be with me. As the months went on her low mood and low confidence just seemed to get worse and worse. At this stage her parents were not aware of how bad my partner felt. She was too afraid to tell them in concern of ‘disappointing’ them somehow. I spoke to her one day and told her I was struggling to know what to do so encouraged her to speak with her parents so we could ALL support her through this difficult time. She asked if I could make the first step and speak to her step mum. I did this and her step mum then in turn told her Dad. Nothing much happened after that and it was down to me again to provide her support and encouragement to keep going.

Around July time she broke down to me one day and said she was struggling to cope. She said watching TV and doing basic every-day things became a massive effort and she just felt tearful and empty all the time. I asked her openly and honestly whether she may think she is depressed. She agreed and once again I opened up to her step mum to tell her what was happening. I encouraged her to go speak with a doctor as it could help her feel more positive about the future and steps she could take to feel better.

At the stage it was becoming very difficult for me. I was unhappy at my job and feeling stressed and low myself. Therefore I think I held a lot of my own problems to myself in order to not put any extra pressure on her. The lack of our physical relationship also started to take its toll. As it is only natural to want to be physical with the person your deeply in love with and feel that acceptance and want from them too!. That said, I never pressured her or never made her feel bad for not being able to engage with me intimately. Instead I would just simply ask her to reassure me that she still loved me, which she did. Despite the lack of intimacy her and I were still very tactile. She still kissed me passionately and always cuddled me and remained close- right up until the break up!.
The lack of sex was difficult, but I still felt love and affection from her in other ways. Few weeks later she went to the doctors and they suggested counselling. She also got diagnosed with an under active thyroid, which the doctors suggested could have contributed to her low mood and lack of sex drive!. For me at this stage I felt more positive and it felt like she was moving forward and hopefully on her way to combat her issues!.

Since we got together we had both discussed moving in together. When I began living with her parents we both agreed it would only be for a few months and we started saving for a deposit for a rented property. Around September time we had both saved enough for a deposit so started looking around the area. She seemed very excited and it gave her something to focus on. One weekend we both a spent a lot of money buying little house things, kitchen bits and even found a sofa we loved and began the process on ordering it.

Then I went on a set of nights. Her parents were away and I think her really struggled being on her own during the evenings. She called me every night, all the way through the night. Also during her time alone she brought more things for our house and seemed really excited about it all.
When I finished my nights we had a house viewing booked one morning. We had a lovely day together the day before and she seemed to be excited about the viewing. The next morning I woke up to get myself ready and got her up aswell. She told me she had cancelled the viewing as she didn’t feel we were ready. I got angry and we ended up having a bit of an argument. I wasn’t angry that she wasn’t ready, and I told her this. I was just more upset she didn’t tell me.

She went to work that morning and called me a few hours later asking if I would go home for a few days, as she needed ‘space’. I got upset and said I didn’t understand but would respect what she wanted.
We spoke that night, after I had gone home and she told me she was feeling very very low and empty. She told me she had started to feel nothing inside, no emotions, no feelings. She said she knew she loved me, but felt nothing inside. She said she knew she loved her Dad and her step mum, but felt nothing inside. I was compassionate and said she really needs to get some help and suggested private counselling. I also said we should hold off on moving out until she is better and she seemed to agree and appreciate this. The whole week after this we spoke everyday. She did seem different and distant but I knew she was feeling low so didn’t worry too much. Several times she reassured me that she still loved me and wanted to be with me, and she wanted to get herself ‘sorted’ so she could be ‘better’ for us.

The following weekend I treated us both to a spa day. We both had a lovely day and it was nice to just relax and spend quality time together; something she said we needed to do more instead of focusing on her depression and her issues. She said we’d been neglecting our relationship so wanted to go have fun together; I agreed completely and was excited to do more things like we used to when we first started dating. Before I dropped her home after the Spa I got quite upset and told her I was really worried I was going to lose her. She hugged me and kissed me (like she always did) and told me not to worry, there was nothing to worry about, it was all in her head and she loved me.

The following night I messaged her when she got home from work and she was very blunt and distant, telling me she felt really down and wanted to be left alone. I did as she asked and told her I was there for her. The following 3 days she didn’t respond to any of my messages or phone calls. I was very upset as she promised me she wouldn’t ignore me or cut me out. One night, after not hearing from her for days, she text me saying she needed to talk. I called her straight away and she ended the relationship over the phone. Her reasons were that she felt nothing for me anymore and just saw me as friend. She mentioned our difficulties with our sexual relationship and said she felt it might not be down the depression anymore. I pleaded with her to think about it as it wasn’t possible to think clearly if she feels so empty inside due to her depression, but she wasn’t having any of it and told me nothing could ‘fix’ it.

I was devastated and pleaded with her to not make this decision. Since then she hasn’t spoken with me and has completely cut me out. As I was living there I had moved all my belongings over to her house; these items are still there! I messaged her on the weekend (just gone) asking for her to let me know when she is off work so I can come and collect my items. She told me she would ‘let me know’ and it’s been nearly a week and I still haven’t heard back from her. She was very adamant when she broke up with me that it was over for good and there was no chance of it ever happening again. But now with the fact that she is possibly withholding my belongings, I feel it is giving me a false sense of hope that she may have changed her mind and wants me back.

Can anyone advice me on this situation?

Is it common for people experiencing depression to completely shut off?

Is it common for people with depression to feel like they've lost feelings for their partner?

I have experience severe depression myself in the past, so know quite a bit of how it affects you. As i understood, I used my experience to help and support her, getting back to see her friends, go out without me, playing sport and spend more time with her parents. However now it just feels like she's got so so down that she can't cope and she's just given up on us and our relationship.

Until very recently she and I were joking and talking about who would propose to whom- this gave me the impression she could see a long future with me! Now, after all this I am terrified I have lost her. She truly is the love of my life and I am devastated that it may be over for good.

Please help!