by TheCloud » Sat Jan 14, 2017 10:59 pm
Start saying "Thank you" instead of saying "I'm sorry." Confidence springs from gratitude; hesitation springs from guilt. If you simply stop apologizing for living and having goals, and start appreciating the choices of others and the world you're part of, it will be easier for you to move forward on your own decisions.
As an example, let's say that you're late to a meeting. Normally, you're expected response is, "Sorry I'm late." Don't say this, ever. Instead, say, "Thank you for waiting." Look for reasons to be gracious in all situations. If a mugger beats you and robs you, you don't have to be thankful to him. But you can be thankful that you were only beaten and robbed, instead of murdered.
Judgements will undo your gratitude. Expecting others to say sorry is as bad as saying it yourself, no matter how bad what they did was. You will lose your confidence and clarity, and be immersed in murky and unpleasant feelings. It's difficult, because it seems as if the bad guys get away with everything if they go unjudged. It seems like you're letting the mugger go.
In practical fact, though, judgment does not ultimately prevent criminal behavior, nor does it properly reform criminals after the fact. Gratitude can do both, and the only cost you pay is that you don't allow yourself to despise others for their choices. More of a benefit than a cost, if you ask me.
As far as I know, that is the secret to confidence and equanimity; choose how you enjoy your life, and it will be easier for you to live.