Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

It's been a long time coming.

Throughout Primary & High School I was bullied immensely and at the age of 15 I got into an on and off relationship for several years with a guy who treated me almost as bad as the bullies at School.

Fast forward to 11 years later, at the age of 26 I would have assumed I'd have more of a grip on my appearance and self esteem but sadly it's only gotten worse.

I have finally met someone who cares about me and yet I can't stop thinking the worst. To me, showing my face without make up is my ultimate fear and it's starting to get to the point where I wake up in the middle of the night in sweats, concerned my appearance without make up will really make a difference. In the last few years I've suffered with some acne and only recently, very dark circles which I can't seem to get out of my head. Constantly looking in the mirror. At times I turn off the main light in my room and only put the bedside light on so it's not so horrific for me to look in the mirror. In the bathroom I purposely put the shower curtain across when the sunlight is beaming in the bathroom so my face isn't as lit up as it would be...

Even eye contact is an on going issue, I feel like if I don't maintain it, no one can see my entire face only part of it...

Every morning whilst staying over his I specifically get up early so he can't see me. At night time, I take off my make up when the lights are switched off. These are just a few examples.

Before me he was in a relationship for four years and I have made the mistake of analysing his ex over Facebook thinking how pretty she is and how she never really wore much make up unlike myself.

He understands to a certain extent that I do not like my face but not to the extent of being sick with worry about seeing me without make up on.

I have booked in with a counsellor next week but am just here as a bit of release & I wondered if I wasn't alone and how do you get through this. I've always had a problem with my appearance just recently it's got worse due to over analysing everything, particularly now being in this new relationship I feel I have more concerns than ever but I adore him so much I don't want to lose him.

Thank you in advance x