Back stabbers

Do you think them saying "nasty" things has anything to do with your obsession with a married co-worker? How we communicate with one another is to a large degree non-verbal, i.e. body language. You have been in this forum talking about Dave for a year now if not longer. Your co-workers, including Dave are aware by now that you have this obsession. I'm sure it makes for a less than pleasant work environment no matter how nice you feel you are being.

Nobody at work knows about my crush on D - not even D knows about it. I kept it all to myself and it is painful to be in love with somebody who doesn't know about it. Having said that, his attitude has changed towards me. Every day, I hear him mentioned his wife etc and he doesn't smile at me the way he used to.

The company needed to cut back staff. I guess my collegues wanted to get rid of me because I'm a casual worker working 5 days, long hours and with my existence, I am preventing them from getting O/T work. I learned a big lesson - never reveal your weaknesses to your collegues. I also made the mistake by telling one of them that I was thinking about leaving the company.

Anyway, today I didn't spoke to anyone at work because there's just nobody who I can trust at work. They are all fake people. I'm also upset at my close friend because she didn't wanted to reveal to me who those nasty people were and what those people said behind my back. So when she said bye to me, I didn't respond back.

I'm not upset that I will be let go or something. What I 'm upset about is how people can be so nice to you, but behind you they stab you in the back. I have this feeling that D could be one of those people.

I just needed to get this out of my chest, because last night I went straight to bed with a massive headache. I wanted to cry but tears couldn't flow through my tears.

calmy12 wrote:Nobody at work knows about my crush on D - not even D knows about it. I kept it all to myself and it is painful to be in love with somebody who doesn't know about it. Having said that, his attitude has changed towards me. Every day, I hear him mentioned his wife etc and he doesn't smile at me the way he used to.

Anyway, today I didn't spoke to anyone at work...

So when she said bye to me, I didn't respond back.

Calmy, let me rephrase...

I am not trying to justify "office gossip" or whatever "nasty" things your coworkers have said. The point of my response is (1) you are naive to think people are not aware of your crush and (2) you need to ask yourself what YOU have done to contribute to the situation. You act as if you have been such a pleasure to work with that it is inconceivable people would gossip or say nasty things about you.

Look at your own response. You just posted that today you didn't speak to anyone at work and when your "close friend" said bye you didn't respond back. You want people in this forum that are aware of your years worth of "I love Dave" posts to believe this is the first time you have ever displayed such behavior? Bull. How do you think that made your close friend feel, how do you think your coworkers felt? You need to check yourself and your behaviors.

And I didn't say that you verbally told anyone about your crush on Dave. I said a lot of communication is non-verbal, i.e. body language. Over the last year I am sure there has been times you appeared over eager to help Dave, sit next to Dave or be in a position to over hear a conversation or get on the elevator, whatever. You obviously do have interactions as you just posted his attitude has changed towards you. Just because you don't actually come out and expressly state, "Dave I have a crush on you" or you don't tell anyone, does not mean your office workers are ignorant of the situation. People pick up on your behaviors.

You want us to believe you are a wall flower at work, but this most recent post demonstrates otherwise. I suggest before you go to bed crying about the "back stabbers" and your lost love, that you rethink how you are acting at work.

How can you be nice and friendly to people when you just discovered that they were talking behind your back all along? I can't. It would just make myself a fake person.

calmy12 wrote:How can you be nice and friendly to people when you just discovered that they were talking behind your back all along? I can't. It would just make myself a fake person.

You can't be a fake by being nice, if you're genuinely a nice person. A person could make it a personal policy to be nice and friendly toward everyone, regardless of others' attitudes.


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"Love me or hate me, at least you're thinking about me."
--quote by unknown famous person

calmy12 wrote:How can you be nice and friendly to people when you just discovered that they were talking behind your back all along? I can't. It would just make myself a fake person.

Being the bigger person doesn't make you fake. Acting professional doesn't make you fake.

Forgiving others who hurt you the most -is something i find it hard to do.
A real friend is someone who don't talk behind your back. If they have nothing nice to say, they could have say it to my face in stead of spreading rumors to everyone behind my back.
Like I said before, I'm disappointed that my close friend wouldn't tell me who's been talking behind my back. I want to confront that person myself. It's wrong to spread false rumors on others and gang up on me without me knowing. This is workplace bullying.

Quietvoice wrote: "You can't be a fake by being nice, if you're genuinely a nice person. A person could make it a personal policy to be nice and friendly toward everyone, regardless of others' attitudes. "

Sorry I don't agree with that. I know I am genuninely a nice person because I don't gossip other people behind their back.

calmy12 wrote: Sorry I don't agree with that. I know I am genuninely a nice person because I don't gossip other people behind their back.

Not talking about people behind their backs is not the only requirement to being "genuinely nice". A genuinely nice person is above your hurt feelings. People make mistakes, friends make mistakes. A genuinely nice person understands that and moves forward. You are NOT being genuinely nice.

Leave me alone Richard@DecisionSkills. You are being a bully here.

calmy12 wrote:Leave me alone Richard@DecisionSkills. You are being a bully here.

I'm being direct Calmy. There is a difference. I'm being point blank in pointing out that you are not being "genuinely nice" when you do not respond to a "close friend" or refuse to talk to your co-workers. That is NOT being genuinely nice. So you may want to tell yourself you are genuinely nice, but your very own posts tell a different story. Don't blame me for your negative behavior.

Edit: Do you often blame others for your behavior?

calmy12 wrote:Nobody at work knows about my crush on D - not even D knows about it. I kept it all to myself and it is painful to be in love with somebody who doesn't know about it. Having said that, his attitude has changed towards me. Every day, I hear him mentioned his wife etc and he doesn't smile at me the way he used to.

Ding ding ding!!!!

He knows, they know, everybody knows you like this guy.

Prob best to have an exit plan now, jump before you are pushed. Unless of course the idea of waking up at 12pm with nothing to do all day excites you.. Look for another job.


Newsflash: Your friend who won't tell you who is bitching about you or what they are saying is not your friend. Friends have each other's back, seems like nobody has your back in the office/workplace/whatever.

In fact I'd bet the reason they won't tell you is because they feel uncomfortable telling you to stop fawning over this married guy, unless you are close to someone it's not the kind of thing you bring up.

My advice is look for another job and another man, one who is single, save yourself the emotional torture.

Edit: just read Richards responses, nail on head.

I don't know how this discussion spiral out of place. Let me repeat this once more time: my collegues do NOT know about my crush on D and D does not know it either.

The reason why some of my collegues talked behind my back is because they wanted to take over my job. They wanted overtime. When the company decides to cut people - co-workers will single out the one who are not their friends or the person they less socialise with.

I have witnessed this a couple of times when one person say thing, like that person is hopeless and doesn't know what she's doing...and the person next to her would agree and they keep bitching around.

So you're telling me that you don't mind people who act nice to your face and when your back is turned away, they bitch around you?

calmy12 wrote: Let me repeat this once more time...

And let me repeat one or time...YES they do! Does Dave want to take over your job? Is that why his attitude has changed? Does Dave want your overtime hours?

But you and I can go back and forth over this issue all you want. You can deny, you can think you have hidden your more than a year long lust for Dave so well that no one knows and psychologically it is a good coping mechanism for you to maintain that belief. If anyone ever knew, how embarrassing, right? And if they knew, you would know about it, right? The same way you knew about all the "nasty" things being said behind your back. Oh, but you didn't know and still don't know all the things they are saying. You don't hear all the whispers.

calmy12 wrote:So you're telling me that you don't mind people who act nice to your face and when your back is turned away, they bitch around you?

No calmy, I don't mind, because I am an adult. The same as you, I don't know all the things people say behind my back, I don't hear all the whispers. People talk behind my back all the time and guess what, I don't friggin care! It is called work. Some people like me, some people don't like me. I like some people, I don't like other people. It is life. If you can name me a single corporation or even a single family where discussions sometimes do not take place regarding others without their knowledge let me know.

Bottom line, it is not important what others say behind your back. What matters is how you handle the situation. And you are handling it by playing the role of the victim. Not talking to co-workers or not responding to your "friend" is acting like a child that is sulking in the corner. Grow up.