Hi Boogie041312,
Rape by one man is quite bad enough, and rape by four is horrific. I've "only" experienced the former, and the effect on me was devastating. I started
gaining weight, because of the idea "my body made that man attack me". Societal attitudes about rape don't help, either.
I've never really got over it, and it was decades ago. There was the before-rape me and now there's the since-rape me. Above all we want to make sure that never happens again, right? So there are adjustments to how we live our lives, although in the end we realise actually nothing we can do will guarantee it won't happen again.
Everywhere I go men are hitting on me and catcalling me and this actually makes me feel LESS ATTRACTIVE. Does that make any sense?
It does to me, although I wouldn't phrase it quite that way. For the since-rape me, what were once compliments felt like threats. The only way to "fix" that was to get fat and wear dowdy clothes. Being hit on and/or catcalled no longer means you're beautiful, it's more an act of aggression.
Therapy isn’t working.
Is it therapy for the psychic injury of rape, for your anorexia, or both?
I don't put much stock in catch-all therapy. Therapists vary widely, and very few can handle multiple-issue clients. I would recommend you first find one who specialises in sexual assault, who would be aware of the many issues that raises. You've chiefly focused on anorexia in your post, because excessive weight loss is a direct threat to your life—but you know there's an underlying issue, and if you get specialised help with that I believe the eating problem will resolve itself.
(I’ve been unlucky with men)
I believe you! Rape has been described as "the beginning of a nightmare" because it makes us re-evaluate our whole-life history and relationships. Almost always it's a can of worms, and this is something a savvy sexual assault counsellor would expect and know how to 'manage'. For instance, already having a fiancé when divorce was so recent probably isn't the best idea you've ever had. I urge you not to take any major steps until you're feeling a whole lot better about yourself.
In the UK we have a free counselling service for anyone living with the effects of sexual assault, and all kinds of side-issues come up. The best counselling can take you where you'd prefer not to go, to shut-off memories that have been running you for years. Effective talk therapy will almost certainly mean you're in for a rough ride, but the only way out is through.
If therapy is keeping you in a holding pattern, and above all if you don't feel understood, you may be seeing a lazy therapist. You need to be your own top priority now, and demand what you need.
Best wishes.