Anger Management and Relationship issues

Dear Savannah,
Pretty Name. They say Humanity got its first Footing in the Savannah Grasslands. Man came out of the Trees and to see over the tall Grass down on the Ground, had to stand Upright. Man made Friends with Dogs because while Dogs could Smell, they could not see very far, being down below the top of the tall grasses. So the Man-Dog partnership was based on their Smelling and our Seeing. That all happened on the Savannah Grasslands.

But now to your problem. It is significant that your Problem is of Recent Development. You DO NOT Have the Behavioral Propensity toward Anger. Oh, wait, I assume here that you had a lot of Social Exposure while growing up – that you were in High School where you would have had a millions reasons to get angry if you were so disposed. But tell me now if you were Home Schooled and are simply reacting from Culture Shock in being exposed to anybody who isn’t Close Kin for the first time in your life.

Anyway, I would suspect that your Problem is Organic. Now don’t run off to the Doctors just yet. Most of them would prescribe those Terrible and Useless Serotonin Re-Uptake Inhibitor Drugs in the Prozac Family (I’ve heard that the Pharmceutical Companies give each proscribing doctor a bonus and it continues all the while their Patient keeps forking out money for the pills, and so you can’t really Trust any Doctor’s Judgment about it, can you. Not when writing that Script helps pay for the Summer House and the new Mercedes ). The only Sure thing about those Anti-Depressants are their Side Effects and Addictiveness. They are both useless and very Addictive. What a strange combination!

But I think you should look to some hormonal imbalance. You need to Filter what any Doctor tells you. If one suggests anti-depressants, threaten to walk out right then and there, and demand that he Do His Job. As it goes, Your Problem might even be something approaching what used to called Early Adult Onset Schizophrenia (it hits Young Women the Hardest) , and would require an Anti-psychotic Medicine. One Poster, Potatank, in “My Anger Then and Now” speaks of having had a berserk criminal level of violent anger that was finally cured with a tiny little pill, taken once every three days. It was an Anti-psychotic but he was not Crazy, not in the sense of having Delusions. It was only that he had absolutely no impulse control and all of his impulses were of a violent nature. He had spent years Trying to Control His Anger, and so when the Organic Cause of his anger was corrected, he became the Exemplar of Peacefulness and Agreeability. He Wanted to be Peaceful and now he Could.

Oh, I believe they Stopped calling it Schizophrenia and started calling it Bi-Polar Disorder because Bi-Polar Disorder seems so, well, undefined, in comparison. As a Doctor told me once, you do not Diagnose a Patient with Bi-Polar Disorder and THEN give him the Meds. It’s the Other Way Around. You give a Patient Bi-Polar Meds (anti-psychotics) and IF THEY WORK, that is significantly help in alleviating the symptomes, THEN you have your Diagnosis. So don’t be afraid to be diagnosed as Bi-Polar, as that simply indicates that the Bi-Polar Meds seem to work for you.

However, if you end up Thinking that your Problem IS Behavioral, and that you simply have recently developed some horrible Cognitive and Behavior habits since leaving home, let me know and we can discuss it.

Dear Savannah,

This is me, Leo, again.

I was thinking of the Boy Friend Aspect of your Problem. It is complex, and even paradoxical in how you would want it all to go. Here is what I mean. If your Boyfriend is a Man of Good Sense, then he should really be seriously thinking of getting out of this relationship with you. From his point of view, it has only been getting worse and worse, hasn't it? So if he Stays with you, despite all the Good Reasons to leave you, well, Do you Want a Man who is so imprudent and irresponsible with his Life. If you ever got Married, he would be just as careless and imprudent for the Both of You, wouldn't he? SO, you would actually Want Him to Show good sense and Leave you.

But you don't want that. So here is what you probably should do, or something like it. You need to Sit Down and have a Talk. Tell him that he must already know that you are going through problems, and you are about to get your health checked out. Tell him it would be unfair to Him to keep him tied up, and let him go. Tell him that if you find some Remedy for your Problem, then, of course you will make inquiries regarding his Availability and be open to a re-establishment of relations should he so desire.

Also, we did not go into the Possibility that SOMEHOW your Boyfriend is the Cause of all of your Anger. For instance, You Love HIm with all your Heart and you Want It to Work. Indeed you are Highly Emotionally Invested in this Boyfriend. In your Thinking you somehow believe your Future Happiness depends on this Boyfriend, and tell me if I am wrong. Well, you should consider that perhaps the only reason you Love Him so much is because you have an Idealized Romantic View of Him, that really doesn't Fit the Reality of who He actually is. It might be that Rose Colored Glasses Thing going on. But I could see you Suppressing this Realization that your Adonis may have feet of clay. And that Suppression and the Mind Games you are playing with yourself cause a High Degree in Internal Conflict, Stress, Tension and Irritability. It comes out Everywhere, even at your Boyfriend whom you ostensibly do not want to Drive Away.

I believe there should be a Common Sense Rule in Relationships, that as soon as you begin noticing that you make your Lover Irritable, or your Lover is making you yourself Irritable, well, IT SHOULD BE BROUGHT TO AN END RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Maybe it should be like Baseball and can Give It Three Strikes before its OUT. But why wait for it to really get Bad before you realize IT'S OVER? Why pretend its not? Irritability is just the Start. You THINK your Boyfriend is Your True Love, so why does he annoy you so much? If he Isn't the Man you thought He was, then he Isn't! Can anything be simpler than that?

BUT your Problem is probably Organic. However, it occurred to me in thinking about your Post that Meeting your Boyfriend, and your Anger commenced at roughly the same time. You did not say so, in so many words, but one just has to look at the Post and add up the Dates to see the Connection. And so I thought it would be best to run the Idea by you to see what you thought. I do hope I am all wrong, although the idea of needing to go on Meds for some indefinite period does not seem like such a cheery alternative.