my girlfriend broke up with due to her depression

**Posts:** 10 · by **silo** » Fri Apr 24, 2015 4:36 pm

I have been dating this girl for 7 months but officially in a relationship with her for 4 months. Everything was going fine we didn't have any major problems. Her mom is ill and she's been getting a lot of bad news which my girl has been finding overwhelming. It seems like every week her mom is getting worse. five weeks ago my girlfriend was talking about her mom dying and she wasn't sure what to do if that were to happen. She knows its something that may happen sooner rather than later. On top of that she is getting a lot of stress at work ands being told that she isn't doing a good job at her job. She is very passionate about her job and I've seen her do some of her work at home and from what I can see there are very few people that are passionate and good at their job like she is. All of this stuff seems to be ganging up on her with in the span of 1.5- 2 months. She has gotten depressed which is understandable with everything going on. However 2 weeks ago she said that she needs to be single to focus on herself and she feels there is a wall blocking her with us. At the time she said it would be a break and she just needs to sort herself out and think about what she wants because she feels lost. Now she is saying she cant guarantee us getting back together because she doesn't want me waiting around and doesn't want the pressure. She seems to be doing everything in her power to push me away, shut me out and she's very cold to me. This is not the girl that I fell in love with. I know that girl is in there somewhere. During the 2 weeks we've been apart she spent 1 week nonstop crying about us and things have turned for her mom where she has been in the hospital so that has been occupying her mind a lot. She has asked for space to figure out if she has lost feelings for me or if its other things. I haven't talked to her for 4 days and its killing me. How much space is the right amount? I want her to think but I don't want to lose her forever I need to worry about my sanity as well. Should I give her days? weeks? Months even? I just need help knowing what's right for her.

**Posts:** 1158 · by **TheCloud** » Sat Apr 25, 2015 9:14 am

It sounds more like she's responding poorly to the stresses she's under, than that her feelings for you have changed. Perhaps she's afraid that you'll abandon her when she relies on you too heavily, so she's abandoning you first.

Since her feelings for you likely haven't changed, she probably doesn't need too much space to think. Try to avoid directly pressuring her, but do make your presence in her life known on a regular basis. Perhaps you could tell her or text her little things about your own daily life; that way you avoid making any demands or forcing your feelings on her, but still make it clear that you want her to be with you.

Every once in a while, you should ask how she's doing and tell her that you're there if she needs you. Do this often enough so that she knows that you haven't changed your mind because of how she's been treating you, because she will definitely be afraid that she's ruining everything by treating you this way. If you show that you understand her feelings even when she treats you badly, it will reflect well on you. How often you do this is up to your own judgment.

I don't think it's too likely that you'll lose her to this, so long as you don't let her go. She's responding poorly to a difficult situation, but if you show yourself to be steadfast and reliable, it will be difficult for her to ignore you for too long.

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Sat Apr 25, 2015 8:05 pm

What's your gut instinct telling you?

**Posts:** 10 · by **silo** » Sun Apr 26, 2015 5:02 pm

My gut is telling me that we could work out when she does get better. Although I got a text from her this weekend. Saying that her feelings toward our relationship has changed. She says she isn't sure what the root cause of it is or any of the sadness in her life since everything is happening at once. She says that currently she just doesn't see a future but doesn't know if its her gut telling her that or just due to the place that she is in right now. She says that she does still think of me every now and again and does feel some type of way.

She says that she truly wants and needs to be alone and doesn't think she was ready for a relationship in the first place. She said she doesn't know what happened but it was like a switch. She also says that she doesn't really have the energy for anyone right now and can't even talk or be around her family that she would rather be alone than hang out with them as well. Right now she is more interested in doing things by herself and have no one around. She also said that without me asking questions and giving her space it gave her the chance to think more clearly without pressure.

A lot more has been happening this week with her. So how do I read what she is saying?

Right now I have decided that with everything going on that I am going to give her space for about 2 weeks to a month so she doesn't feel any pressure from me and I can try to simmer down so when we talk I don't bring us up and we can hopefully be friends as she goes through this.

Is this her depression talking or her with a clear mind talking? How should I read this?

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Sun Apr 26, 2015 5:11 pm

It is not possible to know how much the depression is changing the way that she thinks in the moment, the best that you can do is look after yourself well in the moment and trust that she can follow your healthy lead.

**Posts:** 10 · by **silo** » Sun Apr 26, 2015 9:18 pm

It would also probably be important to add that she was in an 8 year relationship and jumped into a relationship soon after that lasted for a month then into a relationship that lasted six months and jumped into being with me from dating to a relationship so she never has had real time to focus on herself so that could be a factor

**Posts:** 1554 · by **laureat** » Sun Apr 26, 2015 10:18 pm

first of all you should focus on yourself
you have to have some confidence that you can do good with or without her,
you don't want to feel too much depended, you don't want to feel too much on leash
feel free, and trust yourself that you can do good , life can be beautiful

second, we cannot predict what is exactly your girl want
maybe she just want a brake, and we have to respect that ,
maybe she is only on some weird confusion and really just need some time
now I don't know about that, there is a lot what we can predict about this
but the focus should not be on this, the focus should be on options that we have to choose

i think you should not be " waiting " psychologically
you can wait physical, but do not wait psychologically
there is no need to keep ALERT, to keep waiting ,
you should focus on having some good time, relaxation and other
so there is no need to wait, but you keep living,and time comes out to understand what is happening

now expectations that sometimes we have from others may not be correct
there have been people i thought we will have future together, but it did not happen
now I am not tell you to not expect any positive results
i am just telling you we should be more reasonable with our expectations
yes, we can do our best to get what we want
but there is no need to become disappointed
in life, we keep living, we keep having good times, and keep fighting to get what we want
today you want this girl, tomorrow who knows, maybe you get her
tomorrow maybe you may want a different girl, and you get her

**Posts:** 1158 · by **TheCloud** » Mon Apr 27, 2015 3:28 am

silo wrote:Right now I have decided that with everything going on that I am going to give her space for about 2 weeks to a month so she doesn't feel any pressure from me and I can try to simmer down so when we talk I don't bring us up and we can hopefully be friends as she goes through this.

Is this her depression talking or her with a clear mind talking? How should I read this?

It's good that you made a decision. Just remember that you're not basing it on any sure knowledge, so be prepared to alter your plans if your intuition tells you to do so. Depression is definitely influencing her thinking, but you're the only one in a position to determine how much.

The best you can probably do is to take care of yourself, and be prepared to act when the opportunity arises. This is a girl you hope to spend a lot of time with, so learning how to feel her out is important knowledge for you to develop.

**Posts:** 10 · by **silo** » Tue Apr 28, 2015 12:45 am

So she sent me this text saying she has lost feelings for me saying this " honestly I don't understand why because you were this perfect image of what I wanted and for some reason I lost interest and why is now what I'm trying to figure out... was it because I just wasn't ready to settle down? was it the idea of you that I was more into?" After that we talked on the phone and she says everything that is going on may be a factor. She says that she doesn't miss being in a relationship or anything like that, but she does miss me being in her life.

Should I just completely cut my losses or may there still be a chance for us when this is done?

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Tue Apr 28, 2015 6:13 am

what is your gut instinct telling you?

**Posts:** 1158 · by **TheCloud** » Wed Apr 29, 2015 1:17 am

silo wrote:So she sent me this text saying she has lost feelings for me saying this " honestly I don't understand why because you were this perfect image of what I wanted and for some reason I lost interest and why is now what I'm trying to figure out... was it because I just wasn't ready to settle down? was it the idea of you that I was more into?" After that we talked on the phone and she says everything that is going on may be a factor. She says that she doesn't miss being in a relationship or anything like that, but she does miss me being in her life.

Should I just completely cut my losses or may there still be a chance for us when this is done?

This may be irrelevant, but do you have any difficulties like depression or anxiety yourself? The key to your success here isn't just finding the right answer; confidence and motivation play a key role in maintaining positive relationships. If you're too depressed or anxious to confront this difficulty, it's not going to be easy for you to respond properly.

**Posts:** 10 · by **silo** » Wed Apr 29, 2015 3:46 am

I have had difficulties with depression and anxiety in the past. To be honest when she first broke up with me it was really hard for me and I did have depressed feelings for about a week and that changed to feeling very anxious for another week. Now I can say that I am doing better. I am no longer as anxious as I was although it is still there but the feelings of being depressed aren't there. Even when she sent me the text I wasn't upset like I had been before. What would be the proper response?

After we talked I told her that we could be friends and she could reach out whenever because I'd like to see her get better and I'm not one to leave people behind especially when they are in need. She tells me I'm a really selfless person and cried didn't understand why I was being nice to her and selfless after all she has put me through with this. I do want to see her better and happy from the bottom of my heart. She is going through a rough time and doesn't have anyone else to that's reliable and supportive so I'm glad to help her through this.

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Wed Apr 29, 2015 6:39 am

The proper response is to follow your heart, this is the path of consistent happiness, tell her that you love her and that you will always be here for her

**Posts:** 1158 · by **TheCloud** » Thu Apr 30, 2015 12:10 am

Keep on trying the way you have been.

**Posts:** 1554 · by **laureat** » Thu Apr 30, 2015 10:06 am

you should be focusing on having a good time
You call your girlfriend, you dont ask for future
You just aim good times
You dont aim , the future
F the futre
Today you want to have a good time
Call your girl, and ask her if she wants to have sex today
if she say no, call someone else and have sex with
Today is important, tomorrow is not important

my girlfriend broke up with due to her depression

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