I think I am depressed

iUsedATempEmail wrote:I've decided on going back to university. I weighed up my options and looked at the alternatives routes. I'll be going back. I still feel sh** but I'll feel better doing something

Okay, so nothing has changed.

I wish you luck. I still do not understand why you feel like sh**. I will say that you don’t sound excited to return to university. And it isn’t clear how you plan to avoid repeating the same issues you encountered the previous attempt at university.

Thanks.

I'm feel like sh** because in high school three guys picked on me and tried to fight me almost everyday. The teachers that were supposed to be the authority figure did nothing. They just listened and watched. I have felt extreme anger, shame and guilt ever since.

Yeah it was a long time ago but idk how to move on. Not thinking about it makes things far worse. When I do something else to distract myself it will just pop into my head and it makes me freeze. I'm brought back to 2019 all over again.

iUsedATempEmail wrote: Yeah it was a long time ago but idk how to move on.

Maybe you struggle to move on, because you never learned and still have not yet learned how and when to be violent. You have not yet learned how to defend yourself.

When you told your parents about being bullied, how did they confront the school? To what extent did they fight for you? And to what extent did your parents teach you how to defend yourself and when it was okay to be violent?

It’s not the teacher or schools responsibility to teach you how and when to be violent. That is the job of parents.

I imagine it would feel pretty shitty to live in a world where you believe that you are not allowed to protect yourself.

Praying that everyone is okay, even if I myself is not. Sometime it's good that I got to experience all of these problems than other people, at least they got to live happier everyday

Hello, iUsedATempEmail hope you are well. I sum up the things that you actually wanted as taken this condition is that the only way to live in a good and normal mood is by controlling your mindset. I personally know some people going with this type of condition but when you are able to control your mind so it will solve so easily.
Thanks

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:Maybe you struggle to move on, because you never learned and still have not yet learned how and when to be violent. You have not yet learned how to defend yourself.

When you told your parents about being bullied, how did they confront the school? To what extent did they fight for you? And to what extent did your parents teach you how to defend yourself and when it was okay to be violent?

It’s not the teacher or schools responsibility to teach you how and when to be violent. That is the job of parents.

I imagine it would feel pretty shitty to live in a world where you believe that you are not allowed to protect yourself.

Maybe, I'm not sure. I did fight back and they would stop sometimes but that had only made things worse the following days both physically and mentally. When I fought back I also got into trouble so I was never sure where the line was when I turned into the bad guy.

I got provoked a lot, they would try steal or take my equipment while I was working in class so I got in trouble for getting those things back. I sometimes technically started the fight but without doing so I would have suffered in class or lost my things. Where can you draw the line?

I told my parents and they listened. That is all. Both my parents are busy with their work so they are do not have time. My mother always told me to get away if something like this happened when I was younger.

iUsedATempEmail wrote: Where can you draw the line?

I told my parents and they listened. That is all. Both my parents are busy with their work so they are do not have time. My mother always told me to get away if something like this happened when I was younger.

It is the parents job to teach a child where, when, and how to draw the line.

Note, I’m not blaming your parents. I’m only pointing out the possibility that you never learned. It is not uncommon. Plenty of parents, for one reason or another, fail to teach a child many things, including teaching them how to navigate violence.

That your mother always told you to “get away” shows a lack of knowledge on her part. Again, not placing blame. I’m just pointing out that your mother probably used the “get away” strategy in her life and luckily for her it worked. She had no reason to teach you anything different.

Moving forward, learn how and when to be violent. Study the topic. Join a club to learn a martial art. It will give you a different perspective.