in 2016 I got my 4th stripe on my blue belt by one of the two owners of my gym. he told me for the next year keep working like i was working and the next promotion I'll be belted. ok i had a direction. over the last year, I went to the gym three times a week (when i was sick or had work I would obviously not go but that was my schedule) I worked with all the new white belts and drilled with the guys that had questions after class in my free time. I had my game down so well with certain things that I had a few brown belts and a visitin black belt request me as a training partner because I could hold my own and keep them on their toes. one of those guys teaches at night and invited me to help him out with the new guys there also, because he respected how i hustled. he told me that he can see i have the skill developed for the next belt as a senior belt and to not lose my motivation. I told him i appreciated his kind words and insight.
my own crew of guys that I train with , work out together - we text each other youtube videos and meet at the gym to train together as peers busting each others balls about being old and lazy. One guy doesnt have a car so I drive him to the gym. im only saying this because it'll come up later
day of the promotion comes and Im chilling in a group of all of my training partners. my instructor comes up and promotes every one of my friends, peers and training partners...except me.
He didnt even look at me. I wasnt even pissed. It took the wind out of my sails so to speak since I did what I was told. I congratulated all my friends for moving up and I went home. most people were making faces like 'WTF'? After promotions a few of the black belts asked what exactly happened, called me up to tell me they would figure out why it went down like that. My buddy asked privately why i wasnt promoted. the answer was shot off that i needed to be more consistent...We both laughed because my boy that rides with me was consistent enough to get recognized but me, the driver, has to work on being there more.
anyways..that leads me to my depression. i dont under stand why any of this happened. all i know is im really depressed to the point that I dont want to do anything anymore. Ive invested 6 years with these people and have alot of friendly people there that I like hanging out with. I'm not going to go back there because I was lied to, i dont feel respected but at the same time it's removing a group of people that i've seen regularly from my life.
being lied to like that, brought back alot of bad feelings and memories when I was a kid when specific family members would build my hopes up just to let me down then criticize me for being upset about it. I dont know how to get over all of this frustration and i can not stop thinking about it. I'm mad and disappointed - feeling left out of a group that I thought respected me as part of their own.