Fighting - apologies

Hi

I find that not being able to accept others opinions can be a insecurity/control issue - a feeling that people are 'stupid' because they think differently about things actually hides a feeling that because they think differently, they are not going to like, or understand you. That is what I felt very often when I was having issues in my life - I also became very controlling and I thought my truth was the only truth.

Maybe it would be a good idea to think about the reasons why you actually get so upset about differing opinions. Is it insecurity or jealousy and if yes, why? Or do you feel you need to be defensive when someone expresses an opinion that differs from your view?

It will help ou to recognise why you react in the way you do, then you can start to work on ways to avoid getting angry. It is not so difficult to learn to react differently but I do think it is important first to find out why you feel the need to react like you do because that is the underlying problem really, not the fact that you get angry (Although I can understand that it makes interaction with other people pretty complex too)!


Good luck with it and do share your thoughts here if it helps!

Hi Annabell (MVP ),

I just read your reply to Clem_Childs, and well, I have a similar problem.

Clem_Childs, I hope you feel just a tad better knowing that you are not alone out there.

But here's my problem. I was raised by very idealistic parents who taught me to never lie, show off, always put others before oneself, help others, to always give, etc. I have always tried to be good and lived by,"Moral principles guide a person to perfection."

However, as I have grown to adulthood and have my own life, friends, work and family, I have had too many experiences where I have been taken advantage of and been isolated for being perhaps too truthful or straightforward. I was taught never to discuss people, never to comment or criticise anyone. So I am not one for idle gossip behind backs, and often even amongst friends, I am the last one to learn about a well known 'secret'. I feel not only hurt, but lonely and often feel that people see me as stupid.
I have dwelled over this so often, and sometimes decide to stay rooted in my 'principles', regardless of what people may think of me. Other times, I feel that I must be like them if I want to be part of a group.

I am 28 today, no longer young and am ashamed for not having figured out life yet. I realise that each person has his/her own ideals, but I am always the odd one out (I overheard some classmates calling me 'a saint' in class once). Gone are the days of 'Simple Living and High Thinking'. People think I am boring, and I am constantly confused and longing to be liked.

Am I making sense?

I wonder if I may have a hidden superiority complex? Becaues if someone lies or praises one self , etc , I see that as very unattractive. I decide in my head that they are not the kind of people I want to associate with, because I couldn't deal with that all the time. But isn't everyone like that at some point or the other? I am not so close to a former'best' friend because she (altho she is a good person), wants constantly to be the center of attention.
Am I jealous, or just irritated?

But how does this relate to Clem_Childs? Well, altho I am not the kind of person to argue openly about how I differ in opinion, I do tend to be judgemental of the people who are different from me.

Do I have an insecurity/control issue?

Hi angrywife

Ideas and reality can sometimes be very different, can't they!!

I think most people would admit to being a little bit judgemental in their minds. I think it is a bit of a survival skill to think that 'you are the best'. Of course that does not mean being 'big-headed'!

If you can accept that you yourself are not perfect anymore than anybody else is, and vice versa, and if in addition to that you can accept that we are all perfect just as we are, it may just help you to be a little less judgemental. Plus it will probably help you to become the second Buddha!!

It is good to have certain ideas about life and hold onto them. Idealism does not always clash with reality...But sometimes you have to adjust your ideas because you cannot adjust your reality very much, as long as it involves other living beings.

Thank you for the short but sound advice.

I know I should let go of any rigidity in my mind, so I can get along with all kinds of people. But its always good to hear it from someone else to get the ball rolling. As for people liking me, I guess it just depends on me finding someone who shares my thought and ideas.

I will start working on self-acceptance and acceptance of others as they are, today!

Glad for the reply,
AngryWife