What the hell am I and what am I doing?

Still can't forget her. And seeing her sometimes doesn't help (but i can't do anything about it).
Yesterday, suddenly, my mind was stolen once again from this story; i really miss her; in part i don't even know other girls, but that can be for a self esteem problem.

I feel so bad that she seems forgot all of this in no time... well, it's normal i guess, we were nothing. but..

knowing that she is trying with others destroys me.
She's strong, she doesn't need me, I don't deserve her for what i've done, but still, deep down i have still an hope, even if she doesn't even talk to me, even if everybody said to me "get a life".

I'm not stupid, i see that this situation is ridicolous, but i can't control it.

So, she talks to me again.
The group wanted to do a dinner and so we went out and we were 5 of us. We didn't talk until the end, when her and her friends wanted to come back home. So I greeted the others, then we stared each other and said just "bye"; then I said "oh come on, come here" and I gave her two kisses on her cheecks and said "goodnight".

Then... she's having dates with an hot guy met on tinder, but there are trouble, he doesn't seem so much interested in her, or at least, he has not time for her. She keeps complaining about this, but I'm sure it is just the carrot and rod thing; how he gave her a little bit of attention and she will be caught again.

Meanwhile, she is acting strangly. Yesterday our group wanted to go in disco (note: 90% of these people are gay, my best friend too), so she discovered that her best friend has a big d**k and she started touching him saying "Yeah, i'm horny now". Did sexy dances with others, she disappeard with a eterosexual dude (but seems like they did nothing), and then... oh christ.. she kissed my best friend with the tongue.
Ok, he's gay, but he knows how bad i feel for all this, but everytime he cheer for her to find a big d**k, dances with her.. and until here ok, but when he started to grab her boobs and kissing her, well.. can i be a little bit angry?
And he just said "She took me, what could I do?"... ehm, saying 'no'? And then I said - "what about if you find me with your ex?"
Him: "I will broke your fingers"

Then go f**k yourself you idiot, why should I suffer all this?
Uff, ok.. Now, now... I cannot expect much from this right? I did mistakes, and i have to pay for them... same mistakes that looks like she is doing as well now. Am i wrong? She's dating with one but sometimes have fun with others.. while when I kissed another girl (just a kiss, and we two started dating from just 2 weeks) she left me.
Sometimes she caught me kissing others, after we closed up, and thursday the entire group believed I had sex with someone (it is not true), so she thinks I'm having fun as well, or even if not, she won't care.
So there's not much for me to complain, right? I can't be interested in her life.
though it hurts so much... i don't know what I want.. I want her, but meanwhile, an her return can only mean that i'm the second choice.
I don't know what is wrong with me, all these months and still... I tried everything but nothing works.

Guess what? wrote:... I tried everything but nothing works.

Except for moving on with your life and finding a healthy relationship. You haven’t tried that.

Yes, i did.

Guess what? wrote:I tried everything but nothing works.

You haven't tried this tactic.

earlier in this post wrote: he doesn't seem so much interested in her, or at least, he has not time for her. She keeps complaining about this, but I'm sure it is just the carrot and rod thing; how he gave her a little bit of attention and she will be caught again.

Guess what? wrote:[various actions of the chick in question]

Let me ask you something. Why do you want this chick? Suppose that she surprises you and says she'll be with you. Do you think she'd change her ways for you? You think you have jealousy issues now, just you wait . . .

quietvoice wrote:

earlier in this post . . . wrote: he doesn't seem so much interested in her, or at least, he has not time for her. She keeps complaining about this, but I'm sure it is just the carrot and rod thing; how he gave her a little bit of attention and she will be caught again.

_ _ _Switching out GW for 'her' and TC (that chick) for 'him' _ _ _

SCREENPLAY REWRITE . . . wrote: TC doesn't seem so much interested in GW, or at least, TC has not time for GW. GW keeps complaining about this, but I'm sure it is just the carrot and rod thing; how TC gave GW a little bit of attention and GW will be caught again.

I liked how we were before that night. She was showing to care about me, and I really cared about her.
But i'm an idiot, I got too big for my boots, my problem put me in an hard way and so i did that mistake.
She is doing as well, but probably is just a response since she is seeing that everyone is acting in the same way.

I can't be sure that she will change back for me... instead, it is really probably that if she restart with me, she wanna revenge. But I did that mistake, and this doesn't mean I'm like this.
She is the only girl who looked for me first, who really care about me and was really happy with me. I swear that nobody else made me feel how she did.
Since she left me I just stopped, nobody else gave me a chance like she did.

Like a death sentence eheh.

Guess what? wrote:I liked how we were before that night.

FIRST post . . . wrote: I had my "fist long term story" months ago. I mean, it was just for 2 weeks,

Come on, man, she hung out with you for 14 days, that's nothing. IT IS REALLY NOTHING, in the scheme of relationships. Give it up.

quietvoice wrote:

FIRST post . . . wrote: I had my "first long term story" months ago.

Look, the first of anything is the most memorable. You will move on, because here, you have no choice. She had her taste of you for a couple of weeks. Now, she wants to taste others. It's a big world out there for her to experiment, and you can't blame her for being curious about her world. What if you became more curious about your world?

The fact is that i tried to turn the page; but everytime I return on her. The end.
I don't blame her for anything.
You said well, just finding anyone else; but looks like impossible.
her "wanting to taste others" in others are bigger, and I cannot get a date or an answer sometimes that I'm at the start point.
When I said I'm stucked since when she left me, I didn't mean for my choice.

Of course 14 days are nothing, but still it's the best i got untill now. Duh, I had a fall just for what happened yesterday, sorry fro disturbing.

Guess what? wrote:Yes, i did.

No you didn’t.

She is still around. She is still in your life. You are still in contact with her. None of these are a possible had you actually broken contact and moved on in your life. You didn’t.

Maybe you think you tried this tactic, because you “temporarily” used it. Temporary doesn’t count. That is like saying you tried to give up smoking by throwing your cigarettes away, but then bought a new pack. That is an excuse.

Yeah, I'm still in contact with her; but we are in the same friends group, I cannot just ignore her.
Anyway we talk as "don't be rude"; I do not give her much confidence.

By the way I had just a little mental fall.. now i'm okay.