Couldn't fit in and feeling invincible in the workplace

calmy12 wrote:I love D ;I shouldn't deny this feeling.

For the remaining period in this company, I have decided to be a lot more nicer to D.

Calmy,

You love your fantasy of D. The feelings are part of your fantasy. For your remaining period in the company you should be professional. This means only interacting with D if and when it is required and then as a professional.

How many applications have you submitted? When is your last day of work? Or is leaving this job another fantasy?

Hi Calmy,

From what you've been writing for so long time, I see that you are not happy at this workplace, and you love D, and D does not love you. You had said you wanted to look for a job somewhere else quite a while ago. And now you're still here. It's so sad. How much longer are you going to stay in a workplace that you have no future and feel so tired in it? How longer are you going to live in a love fantasy with someone who does not care about you at all?

First, you need to have courage and strategy to find a job somewhere else. And when you get a new job, learn to be smart and professional in the new workplace. Don't pay money out of your own pocket to buy things for the company. It's not your job to buy things for the company and pay money from your pocket, unless you are the person who is responsible to order supplies weekly/monthly. In that case, if you need something in the emergency, you buy and make sure you reimburse it. Work smart, don't work hard. Or you can work hard and smart together. Don't work hard and stupid.

Second, you need to wake up and get out of that fantasy in the relationship with D. Everyone wants to love someone and wants to be loved too. You want love D, and don't expect any return; but you deserve love from someone when you love somebody and are nice and kind to someone.
But you want to be successful in anything, you have to be smart too.

I learned this sentence about love in French somewhere before: "Lorsque la femme rassasié, l'homme s'enfuit. Lorsque la femme s'enfuit, l'homme rassasié." It means: "When the woman chases, the man runs away. When the woman runs away, the man chases." It sounds funny, doesn't it? It can be applied vice versa though. The question is: "Do you want to chase or be chased?" You want to meet someone, you have to find someone who wants to meet you and does not run away, and you should not run after that person.

In the conclusion, find a new job. Establish your life financially. Build up your confidence and security. Join Meetup at your location or meetup.com to find friends. Join online Dating. Lots of people find their partner in this way nowadays. But you need to be careful. It's fun to read the forums anyway.

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Is it too late for me to start fresh again?

I feel so hopeless at the moment; I can't get over how I had wasted more than 2 years over this silly crush on D and ended up with nothing. I feel like time has passed me by, and I don't look as youthful or beautiful as I was 2 years ago!

This sense of hopelessness makes me feel stuck, unmotivated and keeps preventing me from moving forward.

Each day, I've tried to write down all the things I wanted to do, but never seem to be able to do them because I'm not resilient enough.

sorry for such a negative post.

"Self-pity in its early stage is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable." ~Maya Angelou

Well, calmy, what is it that you are going to do about the things you always wanted to do? Do you thing claiming not to be resilient enough is a good enough excuse to continue to wallow in your misery?

calmy12 wrote:Is it too late for me to start fresh again?

No. That is why getting a new job is important. It is normal. Most of us start fresh again several times in our lives. You have learned in the last two years, now take what you have learned, be thankful for that knowledge as it is that knowledge that will help you in the future and move forward. Start doing things on your list, first of which is getting a new job.

My thoughts...

I felt uncomfortable and uneasy at work on Friday because one of the projects I was involved in was officially handed over to another staff member who used to be under me. It was so humiliating. The trainer came over to train her. Then I had one of my colleague asking me how come this newbie is doing this project and not me? I just shrugged my shoulders.

And D ignored me the whole day - which is a good thing because if he talks to me, I probably ended up bursting into tears. I'm so scared of what comes out of his mouth. He is so full of himself and looks down at people or call them 'loser' when they're not doing well at work. ." I can imagine him saying that to me behind my back.

How do I stay 'professional' at work and not get too emotional when your work is passed onto another member?

I have just sent out 10 job applications last night and I need some tips to survive the remaining days at work. Going to work is a torture. I really felt like resigning yesterday but could not think of a good excuse. I can't say I'm resigining because I want to go traveling because last time, when our former staff resigned using that excuse, my manager called her 'irresponsible' after she left the company.

I had to cancel my leave requests after hearing D gossiping about another staff member who was taking one day leave to do Christmas shopping and D told everyone, 'how lazy that person is to take time off work to do Christnas shopping!"

This workplace is really horrible. The people are nice to you in your face but behind your back they say nasty things. I suppose it's because everyone are almost the same age group: 20's - 30's. I really feel like putting on my earphones at work! The reasons why I'm still here is because I haven't found a job yet.

Although I'm still in love with D, I am slowly starting to come to terms that my feelings for him are part of my fantasy. How I projected him in my mind is not always real in reality. When I think of him or longing for him, he could be having a good time with his friends. I had a dream of my late grandmother last night and in that dream, I thought she was alive. But when I woke up from that dream, I knew that it was only a dream since my grandmother has passed away few years ago.

D has the ability to play with my mind. Just like the other day, I was 15 minutes late to work and he saw me inside the photocopy room and looked thrilled seeing me. He asked me in a very gentle sweet voice: "Hey where were you? Did you just got here? I didn't see you.. so what are you doing?" It's been such a long time since he talked to me like that. He sounded like he really cared for me which gives me hope. Or did I just misinterpreted that he's just being polite here? But if he was only being polite, why did he go inside the photocopy room - a place he hardly goes there? Was he looking for me? I'm so confused! I wish my mind could stop analaysing this!

And on Friday, D ignored me the whole day just like that and spent his day chatting to other collegues instead of me.
How could a guy treat you so nice one day, and ignore you the next?

Today, my plans are to do more job searching. I really love this guy. But I'm going to let go of him not because I don't love him anymore, it's because I know he doesn't have the same feelings for me. He's a smart and very calculative person - only treat people nice for his benefits and I need to remind myself this.

calmy12 wrote: I have just sent out 10 job applications last night and I need some tips to survive the remaining days at work. Today, my plans are to do more job searching.

I really love this guy.

Great. Keep your focus on job hunting. If you have leave, take leave. It doesn't matter what others think.

Once again, it is the fantasy of D you are in love with, not the actual D. Repeatedly you point out how the real D is a dirtbag. To survive, keep reminding yourself that D stands for dirtbag.

^^ Thanks for the laugh,Richard@DecisionSkills. It's been a long time since I actually laugh.

All the best...

Quotes to remind myself:

1. "True happiness resides within you. Most people are searching for happiness outside of themselves. That's a fundamental mistake. Happiness is something that you are, and it comes from the way that you think." - Wayne Dyer.

2. "Sometimes you just have to turn the page to realise there's more to your book of life than the page you're stuck on. Stop being afraid to move on. Close this chapter of hurt and never re-read it. It's time to get what your life deserves, and move on from the things that don't deserve you. Don't try to fix what's been broken in your past, let your future create something better. " - Trent Shelton

3. "The only way you may correct the bad things in your past is to add better things to your future. So open your life to new opportunities to better your life and do not allow what happened to you in the past destroy your tomorrow." - Unknown

4. "The way people treat you is a statement about who they are as a human being. It is not a statement about you."
- Unknown

5. "The most splendid achievement of all is the constant striving to surpass yourself and to be worthy of your own approval. - Denis Waitley

and ...

6. "At some point you have to realise that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life." - Unknown

7. " It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on." - Unknown

D - I hate it when I can't stop thinking about you. But I know you probably haven't thought about me once. No matter what ,I still love you and you will always remain in my heart. I need to move forward because there is more to life than romance. "The things we take for granted , someone else is praying for. " I need to cherish the life I have and put the romance/ love aside.

I wonder to myself would my life be different if I've never met D or worked for this company?

Actions speak louder than words.

Life goes on with or without D or you or anyone.

Live for yourself. Don't live for someone else, especially for that person who uses you and steps on you. Be smart.

calmy12 wrote:I wonder to myself would my life be different if I've never met D or worked for this company?

Of course it would be different, but by how much? Instead of D you would have created a fantasy over T. You create the fantasies. How will you avoid creating another fantasy relationship at your next job?

How is the search going BTW?

I hope I don't sound like I'm procrastinating, I came home feeling extremely tired and lack the drive to do things. Will focus on job hunting during the Christmas break and on the weekends. I get headaches so easily after work. Too much things going in my head!

I stayed back (for free) trying to get most of my work done. Didn't leave until 6:00pm. As I will be leavings this company soon, I want to keep my work under control and organized so that my collegues won't talk behind my back when I'm not around anymore. It's really sad. I really love this workplace, despite people dissing each other out because it's hard to find a workplace with people the same age group as me. Unfortunately, there's no growth for me, and lately, I feel very unwanted ever since we have a new manager.

Is it true that some companies want their collegues to vounteer to resign instead of firing them? If so, how come? I have this feeling they wanted me to leave since most of my major tasks been taken away from me.

My misery is related to D. My heart feels tight all the time; I lack the motivation and I keep feeling sad ..but is it worth it to be in this situation? Off course not! I wish I can undo all this feelings inside of me.

Like someone has pointed out, If I have the time, I want to learn about human behavior and how to prevent myself from being a victim of other people's manipulation...

Hi calmy,

Is it true that some companies want their collegues to vounteer to resign instead of firing them? If so, how come? I have this feeling they wanted me to leave since most of my major tasks been taken away from me.

To answer you the question above: Most companies don't want to fire their employees because if they are not careful and don't have a very good reason, they might have to face a labour law suit. It would cost them lots of money.

But you have to ask yourself a question: who is the company? The boss who pays you or the manager/leader who supervises you? If it is the real boss who does not like you for some reason, then it's very hard to stay, just leave. If it is the manager or leader who does not like you, you need to find out the real reason. You need to work it out with her/him. If s/he's too stubborn, demanding, manipulating, controlling, bullying, ganging up a group to isolate you, you need to find out why s/he is like that; and you need to find out why s/he does not like you too. If you think you work hard, you engage and commit yourself to the company and do nothing wrong, and s/he just does not like you because you're "different" (I'm just making an example), then you report her/him to the higher management. Also, you need to look at yourself, to find out your problem too and change/fix it. From what you've been writing, I see your problem is having a relationship and fantasy with a co-worker. That's a big issue for everybody to gossip and watch you in everything you do and everywhere you go in the company. That makes it very hard for you.

Anyway, whatever happened in the past, you cannot change it. Now you just have to think how you can get a job somewhere else and learn from your past experience and don't do the same mistakes again. Be strong and move on. When you get a new job, try to do better. I advise you: don't think of yourself as a victim; think of yourself as a survivor, and be proud of yourself.

[img]Cat_Tiger.jpg[/img]

I attach an image above, hope it shows. If not, you can google it as a cat looking in to the mirror and sees him/herself as a tiger. You need to strengthen yourself by feeding positive, strong, powerful ideas in to your brain. Think yourself as strong, beautiful, likable, powerful, capable to do anything you want (with a good heart - not as an evil).

That's all I want to say. Wish you have a peaceful Holiday season and good luck in the new year.

Just want to edit my last post:

Think of yourself as a survivor and a winner and be proud of yourself.

Here's the link re kitten_tiger/lion:

https://images.search.yahoo.com/search/ ... as+a+tiger