worried about partnee

The way out is through developing the coping skills required to deal with anger. This is normally done through anger management training. Others may advise mediation, hypnosis, etc. as alternatives to focusing on coping skills. And there is the option which I personally would strongly avoid, that of seeing a psychiatrist in order to get a prescription to alter moods.

If he has been to anger management before, then he probably is aware of the exercises he could practice. He could read some self-help literature on anger management and attempt to develop the coping skills on his own or with your support.

Dear Sparklebum,

Your partner’s issue sounds very similar to my own. Just once or twice a year I would really go off on somebody at work. Until then I am the nicest and politest person in the World. Hmmmm, there may be a correlation there, that is, nice and polite people eventually just get tired of the rest of the World’s general coarseness and rudeness and it makes them just want to scream.
Anyway, you never know when you are going to have one of Those Days, and so it is advisable to treat every day as though it might be one of those days. That means that one has to begin every day by reading a chapter from an Anger Management Book or come to a Web Site such as this one and catch up on all of the little anger coping reminders.

You see, after about six months of being peaceful and easy, one forgets that one has an Anger Problem. So it is essential for people who are prone to anger, even if just occasionally, to have a Daily Ritual that will keep Awareness of Anger as a prominent piece of one’s daily mental furniture.

Oh, and it is wonderful that he has never blown up at you. But remember what his Trigger is. I would guess, as I did above, that it is rudeness and being inconsiderate that irks him over the edge. So as familiar and intimate as you possibly are with him, remember that even in the most casual and informal of situations, there is a baseline of civility and thoughtfulness which you should never risk dropping beneath. Generally, I guess, that if you treat him the way he treats you, you will continue to be fine.