There are many problems and that is so difficult to describe them. Each word is a painful evidence and it is difficult to write it out. Extremely tired, extremely exhausted, want to end that all and still fighting.
I often have panic attacks. My mood is constantly low. Chronic fatigue makes it so difficult to fight.
There was a year long sexual harassment, that bad guy didn't rape me (thanks God) but what has happened is enough to still make me shiver.
And there is another man. I love him. 100%. I am sure. And he inspires me a lot. And I believe I will be happy with him. But due to trauma I don't feel any sexual arousal and I love him!!! That is so unfair. I suffer and keep suffering and nothing helps.
I also suffer from anorexia/bulimia they change periodically, days and days when I can't eat anything, than I eat, but the body doesn't hold the food it must use for self-protection, self-rebuild and self-support.
I love my man. Right now we live separately. And I am afraid to move and live with him, because he will see all the despair and my hell-like life. He is the man I love more than my life. And I want to devote myself to him, to protect him and to see him happy. I want to be with him.
Help me, please, I want to be happy for me and for him, for the love I feel and for my future happiness, there are so many symptoms, so much tiredness. I want to revive, I want to be happy.
I have already tried prozac, I have tried exercising, I watch only comedies, I am trying really hard to find happiness even in an old chair, I have bought. I think that every obstacle is to the best, it teaches the mind and the soul a lesson and you become stronger. But being unable to express my love to the beloved one, I have come to the edge. I feel so low. I think of the suicide and it is so difficult not to end it all. And I want to be unafraid, confident. Normal as I was. I pray for those who hurt me, because it comes from some mental defects, I am sure. But, please, if you know how, help me, I don't want to be defective. I want myself back.