hi everyone!
I've just found this place and I've been reading some posts, this is awesome! thanks, guys! whoever you are, this is so helpful, it gave me hope and I will keep on reading to understand how to get better and feel normal again, after smoking so much weed for the past years.
I have so many unanswered questions, I don't know if it makes sense to write down here all my life, family issues, substances that I've used, depressions, suicidal tendencies, but my life has arrive at a point that is a fuc*** nightmare, every single day I'm struggling, I feel awkward everywhere, with everyone. I just try to keep on going, but it's getting harder.
I feel so disconnected from life, from people. For years. Some periods it gets really bad, like derealization and sometimes I can handle it better. I do have some issues with my family and I can not really count on them to help me out, I barely talk to them and I feel even more disconnected from life every time I see them.
I am 35 years old and I've been smoking weed for 12 years or more. I've also taken other drugs, but don't really get addicted to anything just weed. I had a huge depression when I was 24, I almost killed myself. It was like 2 years that I could not move from my bed. I don't think the weed was the reason of that depression, but I got out from that somehow and I keep on living.
I started smoking weed again after that because It gives me energy, I was more talkative, sociable. I could even run further when I was stoned cause I didnt feel fatigue on it, so I kept on using weed for years thinking that It was not that harmful. But now I do believe It has made my life miserable.
I stopped smoking weed in April and I started smoking CBD after that for some time but I don't like it anymore.
I've just smoked a bit of weed in June and after that two more times with a friend last month. I don't really enjoy it anymore cause I've realized lots of things right after stoping it.
It has put my emotions on hold, like anesthesia. I started smoking it for fun and end up smoking it to avoid feeling pain or just to forget about everything.
I've stopped learning things, making plans. I've lost interest in life, I don't feel pleasure with anything. I'm isolated and I have no real interest in hanging out with friends or meeting new people.
As I said before, I feel disconnected from everything since a long time ago and I wonder If the weed is the reason for my disconnection and I wish I feel better soon because every day is painful.
I'm trying new things to get better, meditation is helping, running, reading books, eating better. My mood is still too low but I keep on going even though somedays I feel I have no energy at all to walk in the street.
I don't really wanna take antidepressants. I've tried before and make my emotions flat and I think that will not help to feel connected again. I feel numb, not happy with antidepressants.
I've been thinking of doing microdosing of mushrooms. (Stamets stack protocol)
I don't know if It makes sense or not, to quit weed and then start with another substance. It's supposed to be for few weeks to improve my mood, focus...
Does anyone try microdosing after stop smoking weed? Do you think it is a good idea?
Thanks again to everyone who is sharing their stories here. I will keep on reading here. Today I'm going to bed less worried than yesterday and I'm gonna fight to get control of my life.