What is wrong

A LIL bout me. Im was born and raised in Sweden (ethnically turkish), im a girl, and im 16 y/o. Im not english so excuse my grammar and spelling


So, where shall I start... the summer before I was about to start 8th grade, I realized that I had lost all my close friends, Or let me say the people in my girls squad. They never really told me why, but all of a sudden they stopped asking me if i wanted to hang out with them and there would be times where they would just run away from me while we were hanging out, very immature.. well whatever. I started feeling very sad after "the loss" and it came to the point where i would spend the rest of the summer just laying in bed watching youtube videos. At the time i took soccer, piano and dance classes but i quit everything. Now the things that I had been passionate about for several years jus became worthless.

That caused more days of laying in bed doing nothing (i think i gained like 10 pounds). I never went out and i isolated myself from my family. So When school started my squad totally ignored me and everyone was asking what was going on, but i just couldnt handle it. 8th grade was the worst thing in the world, the time where i felt like the loneliest person in the world, and i thought that everyone hated me. It was really hard for me to bound relationships with other people because it felt like they were going to hurt me. I felt worthless and i just wanted to hide myself. And i also had (still have) the worst freaking self esteem ever and I tend to compare myself to others, grades, looks, attention, funniness etc..

But when 9th grade started i got together with a group of girls in my class, this was the best thing that ever happened. I had so much fun with them,and the crazy, energetic girl inside of me showed up. Even if we didnt hang out outside of school. They still just made me so happy and i forgot the old squad and finally felt like i was important to someone. The year went by and it was the best year in a long time. I discovered so many new parts of myself and it was at least better. Im not saying that i didnt have any problems, ive always been dealing with a whole lot of stress, but it was just better 8th grade.

Well as you all may know, everything has to come to an end. This really broke my heart, I finally made great new friends, but now it was time to go separate ways. Our end was when we finished 9th grade. I live in sweden and you go with your class for 9 years and then you start the gymnasium. The gymnasium classes are based on what programme you choose. I chose technical programme and 80 percent of the class consists out of boys.

My first schoolday was august 21st 2017. I didnt know anyone from that class but it felt like a good one. but after like a week, I started noticing that i became an outsider. And that felt very wierd, i never had that lable. I was always the girl that everyone knew about and the one that spoke a lot and stood up for her opinions. All of a sudden i had turned in to a silent mouse that sat alone everyday. And also to admit the groups of people already knew eachother because they had went to the same school. I came home everyday crying. september was just so awful. i spent everyday crying, i skipped a lot of classes and started to get irritable for the tiniest things. i dont know what happened. i would burst into tears every night. But in the end of september, they did let me switch class to the one where one of my guyfriend from my 9th grade class went to. I finally was able to breath out a little, but i still felt that loneliness. I missed my old friends, and the enviorment made me so stressed. I think that everyone hates me, thinks im ugly, thinks im not good enough etc. i still feel this loneliness, i feel empty and i feel like something is missing. I cry everyday when i go to school and when im about to sleep. The weekends gives me the ability to breath and i feel better. But all off this also affected my grades. ive always ben a very ambitious girls that gets high grades, but i dont have any energy. I barely get any work done and I never do tests or send in my essays. This grade pressure just made me Even more sad and its just veryyyyyy bad i dont know what to do. I have no friends, everyone just leaves me, and i dont have any energy for school either. Ive been constantly crying for 6 months straight, i even cried myself to sleep for hours at new years eve. What should i do, who should i talk to. Im totally broken and life is not worth living. Could it be depression or am i just sad ?