I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 9 months now. I know that is not a very long time, but I really like him and see a future with him. He's five years older than me (30 vs 25), very career oriented, into his hobbies, and has expressed that he is not completely happy with where he's at in life (not married yet with no kids was never his ideal plan.). I never wanted to push back on those topics in fear of sounding like the crazy girlfriend that is already considering marriage and kids.
He was a complete gentleman from the very beginning and our relationship was fun, comfortable, and stable until about 2-3 months ago. He started becoming more distant, not texting or calling me every day like we used to. I know every day is a lot and he works a very demanding job with long hours and can understand not talking every day. But then days turned into 5 - 10 days without talking to me and only responding when I reach out first, making me feel like I was begging for attention.
Our most recent duration of not talking was about 2 weeks. I finally called because I didn't understand what was going on, spending some nights crying or upset wondering what I did or if he had moved onto someone else. I needed answers. He finally answered and we talked for an hour. He finally revealed to me that he's depressed, on medicine for it, and is having a midlife crisis trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life. In retrospect, I feel terrible knowing he is in such a dark place and wish I expressed that at the time. But instead, I kept asking if he thought about how I've been feeling because of this cold-shoulder treatment. Long story short - it was a long talk, each of us expressing how shitty we felt and how this affected us, but not really listening to the other person. We agreed to try to reconnect to follow up with this conversation in person to discuss it. But after exchanging a few texts and him saying he'd let me know when we could hang, I haven't heard anything. In these few texts he made it clear that this lack of communication was not because of anything I did, but him simply trying to figure out how he feels about himself and his future career wise and personally.I followed up a few days later with a long text expressing how I am here for him during this tough time, how much I care about him and hope I can help. Still no response.
Of course I have family and friends saying to move on and that I don't deserve this treatment. Only one of my friends, who is in a committed relationship with someone who has depression has told me to be patient and wait this out. To focus on me right now, but don't assume it's over and give him space.
I don't want to this be over, but I don't know what to do at this point. Will he ever reach out when this episode is over?Is this normal for a depressed boyfriend to not talk to his girlfriend for weeks? It has been almost a week now since I sent the follow up message expressing my support. Should I consider this done and move on? I've never been with someone with diagnosed depression. I'm not claiming to be a perfect girlfriend and know I should make a better effort at communicating what I want/need/feel, but unsure how to deal with someone in this situation. I don't want to overstep boundaries but don't want this to end because I decided to stop reaching out as well.
Any advice would be great.