I can't forgive, And I can't forget.

**Posts:** 1792 · by **theforsaken** » Sun Dec 29, 2019 2:18 pm

I wasn't sure where to write this so I'm just putting it here. I'm not after advice, I know how to deal with it. It's just sometimes I don't want to, even though I know the only person that gives a **** still at the end of the day is me.

So the thing is, when someone f**ks with me or does wrong by me, it takes me a LONG time to forget it, there's still some things like from the school days that I'll take to the grave and regret not handling it differently for the rest of my life.

But that's not a big thing in the everyday, and I'm more or less at peace with it.

The thing that shits me recently though is I really f***ing hate some of the guys I last worked with.

I'll give the back story.

I got a job at a chicken farm back in about the start of April last year, I started work, everyone was good, the work was okay, it was all sweet.
Then things changed, we got moved around (there was 4 farms you could get sent to.
And they werent really established yet, when I got the job they were still in the process of both hiring and moving people here from their old location, whoever wanted to come out.) and we did different things, most of my time there was spent helping do clean outs. (When the farms are empty they take 6 or so weeks to clean it out before the new batch comes in).

After the last clean out I did at farm 3, I got sent to Farm 2 (which I also helped clean and set up, but now it was running). It was okay for maybe the first two weeks, but then it gradually got shittier. The manager turned into a c*nt. A guy that became lead hand who was okay before that, turned into a c*nt as well.

I Tried to do a good job whatever I did, but it wasn't good enough. I ended up getting fired in early September, a month before probation was up.

The manager I worked for for 2 months who more or less fired me was out the front but he didn't say a word. The manager from farm 3 was there too and he was the one that spoke to me. He said you know you're still on probation? (he called me Wayne when he called me over too, my name's Andrew) I knew what was coming, the lead hand guy told me I had to go to a meeting with the big boss, but I didn't even get that far, they were waiting outside the f***ing shower to sack me.

Anyway he goes "we've decided you're not the right fit and we've decided to let you go, here's a letter explaining it all" I was like is there a particular reason? And he goes it's all in the letter. I'm like okay.. I took the letter and headed to my car and he was like wait, I gave you the wrong letter, this one is yours.

I'm just like ... ok.... Just got in my car and left. I went to the park for a while, read the letter and it was all just vague sh**.

A day or two later I went back there to ask for a friend just to talk to him, I made friends with 2 old dudes and I wanted to ask one to be a referee. The lead hand dude came and asked what I wanted, I asked is Alan here? I just wanna talk to him for a second. And he said yeah I'll go find him for you, then he went in the office.

I waited for Al to come out and he did, I called him over and started talking, and then lead hand faggot cane back out of the office and started saying I have to leave I shouldn't be here I'm not employed anymore.
I kept my cool and just said yeah I'm just talking to Alan for a second, I'm going after that.. And he just kind of rolled his eyes and went back inside.

I got Al's number, he agreed to be a referee, I told him I'm probably gonna move to the city with my girlfriend and that was it.

That was back in September and it still pisses me the **** off when I think about how shitty those c**k suckers treated me.

I hope the manager and lead hand at farm 2 both get cancer or their kids get SIDS or something else bad happens to them both, and fat c*** Tim that actually spoke to me and gave me the letter I just hope he gets diabetes and gets gengrenous legs or something.

**** the lot of them. I hate people from my old job too I hope Sully's knee surgery he got was a long painful recovery.

I don't like when people treat me like a c*** for no real reason. Nothing f***ing pisses me off more or faster.

They say you shouldn't burn bridges and sh** but if I ever see those guys again I can't say that I won't.

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Sun Dec 29, 2019 5:30 pm

You might wish to believe that the people that said you were not a "good fit" were not capable of picking up on your angry personality. You would be wrong.

"Good fit" is vague for a very good reason. They don't need to point to objective performance. They don't need to prove that you can't do the physical job requirements.

"Good fit," means that they don't like your personality. Same as you believe them to be *unts, they had an unflattering opinion about you as well.

So you can choose not to forgive/forget. They won't lose any sleep over it, because they know that they made a good decision. They got rid of you before you could do any real damage to the organization.

**Posts:** 1792 · by **theforsaken** » Mon Dec 30, 2019 2:37 am

Richard it's not like I acted angry all the time like I did in my rant here lol.

If it's like you said though and they didn't like my personality, why not tell me that as honest feedback? Instead of the vagueities?

That pisses me off about it too, over the 5 months there was no feedback, just one day "you're too sh** cya later".

But I guess it doesn't matter and you live and learn. I'll try and be more pleasant at my next job whatever that may mean. Maybe I didn't have a cheerful enough demeanor or maybe I didn't offer to do overtime enough, it seems petty as f#ck to me but it is what it is I guess.

Now on the bright side though, I have the best girlfriend I could ask for and a new life next year, and the job was kinda sh** anyway, sh** work and you're underpaid. and I didn't have to be there over Christmas. There's no such thing as a public holiday there and I didn't have to work it, I got to spend Christmas with the people that matter.

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Mon Dec 30, 2019 2:58 am

theforsaken wrote:Richard it's not like I acted angry all the time...

I didn’t say all the time. I’m not even sure what you are implying...that some of the time you did act angry?

My assumption, based on what you posted, is that you acted angry 0% of the time. If you acted angry most employees on probation are terminated right then.

The fact you were close to being off probation and the reason was “not a good fit” tells another story.

Usually “not a good fit” means after gaining some confidence/trust the person began to gossip. They grumble about how the bosses are idiots or how the business could be run so much better if management didn’t have their head up their butt.

I’ve dealt with this situation multiple times. The person can perform the job, but you don’t want them around. Coworkers, supervisors, managers, people have gotten the feedback regarding your “opinions”.

On probation you don’t pull the employee aside and tell them to stop the gossip, to stop talking s#$t about X or Y or Z. Why? Because you want to see if they are a good fit.

Most people are not managers at age 18. Most managers have some work and life experience. This means they get a feel for the feedback and whatever gossip.

Now possibly I’m wrong. Possibly you never let your guard down, you never gossiped, and you were just a model employee with anger hidden below the surface.

But, my life experience as an employee, supervisor, and manager suggests to me that is not the case. I know what “not a good fit” means. At least I know what it meant where I worked.

If you think back, you can probably even remember a few comments that you thought you made in confidence. Maybe over lunch or when working late one day, you jumped in on the conversation to bash the organization a little.

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Mon Dec 30, 2019 9:44 am

theforsaken wrote:I hope the manager and lead hand at farm 2 both get cancer or their kids get SIDS or something else bad happens to them both, and fat c*** Tim that actually spoke to me and gave me the letter I just hope he gets diabetes and gets gengrenous legs or something.

**** the lot of them. I hate people from my old job too I hope Sully's knee surgery he got was a long painful recovery.

You make me laugh, theforsaken.

I hope one day you'll figure out why you're so angry and do something about it, because you came to this forum spitting expletives and in all the time I've followed your threads, it's never stopped. You'd have a great life if only persons A, B and C wouldn't keep picking on you, meting out unfair treatment; and if they don't play it your way, if they just avoid you or get rid of you altogether, you go away muttering curses and imprecations, calling down a pox on their houses.

This is completely ineffective, of course. As Richard says, they got rid of you. They didn't even have to say why. Wayne got the same letter of dismissal, word for word except for the name at the top, just the guy handing them out couldn't tell the difference between you two agitators.

Who's the common denominator in all these unfair situations that make you crazy with frustration? Who's going to go on insisting he's right to have waves of hostility coming off him all the time, and everyone else is wrong, life isn't fair, other people should be punished with cancer or loss of their children, when all the while it's he who never makes it far out of the dunce's corner before he gets himself sent back there again?

Think about that. Stamping your feet and throwing a paddy may have got you what you wanted when you were two, but you aren't two any more and it's getting less cute all the time.

**Posts:** 1792 · by **theforsaken** » Mon Dec 30, 2019 3:13 pm

Candid wrote:
theforsaken wrote:I hope the manager and lead hand at farm 2 both get cancer or their kids get SIDS or something else bad happens to them both, and fat c*** Tim that actually spoke to me and gave me the letter I just hope he gets diabetes and gets gengrenous legs or something.

**** the lot of them. I hate people from my old job too I hope Sully's knee surgery he got was a long painful recovery.

You make me laugh, theforsaken.

I hope one day you'll figure out why you're so angry and do something about it, because you came to this forum spitting expletives and in all the time I've followed your threads, it's never stopped. You'd have a great life if only persons A, B and C wouldn't keep picking on you, meting out unfair treatment; and if they don't play it your way, if they just avoid you or get rid of you altogether, you go away muttering curses and imprecations, calling down a pox on their houses.

This is completely ineffective, of course. As Richard says, they got rid of you. They didn't even have to say why. Wayne got the same letter of dismissal, word for word except for the name at the top, just the guy handing them out couldn't tell the difference between you two agitators.

Who's the common denominator in all these unfair situations that make you crazy with frustration? Who's going to go on insisting he's right to have waves of hostility coming off him all the time, and everyone else is wrong, life isn't fair, other people should be punished with cancer or loss of their children, when all the while it's he who never makes it far out of the dunce's corner before he gets himself sent back there again?

Think about that. Stamping your feet and throwing a paddy may have got you what you wanted when you were two, but you aren't two any more and it's getting less cute all the time.

It was on my mind and I felt like ranting about it, that's all. I'm good now.

I wanted to delete this thread but it looks like I can't, are you a mod Candid, could you or a mod please do me a favour and delete this thread?

I won't be back again, gonna see if I can delete my account here too. You're right, it's time I dealt with it a more practical/constructive way.

Thanks guys. All the best.

**Posts:** 1792 · by **theforsaken** » Mon Dec 30, 2019 3:45 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
theforsaken wrote:Richard it's not like I acted angry all the time...

I didn’t say all the time. I’m not even sure what you are implying...that some of the time you did act angry?

My assumption, based on what you posted, is that you acted angry 0% of the time. If you acted angry most employees on probation are terminated right then.

The fact you were close to being off probation and the reason was “not a good fit” tells another story.

Usually “not a good fit” means after gaining some confidence/trust the person began to gossip. They grumble about how the bosses are idiots or how the business could be run so much better if management didn’t have their head up their butt.

I’ve dealt with this situation multiple times. The person can perform the job, but you don’t want them around. Coworkers, supervisors, managers, people have gotten the feedback regarding your “opinions”.

On probation you don’t pull the employee aside and tell them to stop the gossip, to stop talking s#$t about X or Y or Z. Why? Because you want to see if they are a good fit.

Most people are not managers at age 18. Most managers have some work and life experience. This means they get a feel for the feedback and whatever gossip.

Now possibly I’m wrong. Possibly you never let your guard down, you never gossiped, and you were just a model employee with anger hidden below the surface.

But, my life experience as an employee, supervisor, and manager suggests to me that is not the case. I know what “not a good fit” means. At least I know what it meant where I worked.

If you think back, you can probably even remember a few comments that you thought you made in confidence. Maybe over lunch or when working late one day, you jumped in on the conversation to bash the organization a little.

I wouldn't say it's gossip, but near the start of working for the manager that fired me, I told him something funny/weird that another worker asked me and told me about once and he seemed to think it was funny. It wasn't really a diss or anything bad, it was just odd.
The guy that asked me the weird question I'd sometimes ask him weird random questions too just to see what he said, he went on about his hemorrhoids once so I asked him a bunch of funny questions about it lol.

I can't remember specifics but later on me and the 2 old guys didn't get along with one of the foreign workers, because she was a snake and tried to get us in trouble for different things at different times
She was also the manager's favourite.

Another thing was the old guys said the manager whinged to his little mate once cause I was taking too long to do the shed runs in the morning, but I was taking long because I was thorough, if you're doing it in 5 minutes you're not doing it properly, I could have explained that if they complained to me instead of each other, that's the sh** that pisses me off. Like should I have just did what I did and let that go? Or should I have confronted the manager about it?
I know I was the only one doing it properly too so I hope they realised that once I was gone and they started getting more and more dead chickens.

One day when I did it I hadn't done the sheds for like 2 weeks cause I was doing another job instead and someone else did sheds, I found so many dead rotted chickens that people missed and I probably copped the blame for it.

Next job I get I'll just be 100% fake, I'll have my guard up 100% of the time and try to appear pleasant and happy 100% of the time and remember that no one's my friend.

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Mon Dec 30, 2019 4:18 pm

theforsaken wrote:but I was taking long because I was thorough, if you're doing it in 5 minutes you're not doing it properly...

....I know I was the only one doing it properly too so I hope they realised that once I was gone and they started getting more and more dead chickens.

And this is exactly a "not a good fit" thought process.

The chicken farm was there long before you came around to show them how it should be done. I mean, thank goodness for you! How did the chicken farm ever survive without your expertise in the proper way to do X or Y or Z?

It is that attitude that comes across to others. It is the attitude that as a worker on probation, that doesn't really know jack s!@$ about anything, that they are the "only one" doing it properly.

Do you not recognize the above as a huge error in the way you are thinking? The reason I ask is that you most likely repeat this error with any number of areas in life.

It's not about acting fake. It's about actually humbling yourself, acknowledging that as a person on probation you don't know s$@*.

I don't care if it is a very simple task like cooking french fries. If you think you are the only one properly cooking fries or that the process could be improved by X or Y or Z, you need to think again.

And it's not like you might not be correct. It's not impossible that an employee on probation might find a new way or have a creative, great idea. It's in the approach. It's in how a person presents the idea or asks questions like, "Why don't we do it this way...wouldn't that save some chickens?"

When you were told to just keep doing it the other way, faster, or the people were indifferent to your "superior" process that saved chickens, you responded the wrong way. You were right, they were wrong. You knew better than everyone else. That's not a good approach. It's not a "good fit".

When you are told you are wrong, it seems like you sometimes can't mentally process that very well. It doesn't seem like it results in unhealthy behaviors necessarily, but you do seem to mentally go all scorched earth.

It comes across in the forum as "how dare they" not agree with my way of doing things, I hope they all die horrible, painful deaths. I understand you're just venting, but at the same time a bit of it trickles out when you were actually on the job site.

You believed, as a probationary employee, that your ideas and your value to the organization was way higher than it actually was.

**Posts:** 1792 · by **theforsaken** » Mon Dec 30, 2019 4:18 pm

I don't see where to delete my account either, is it possible? Can someone either tell me how or do it for me if you're admin or whatever?
Cheers guys.

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Mon Dec 30, 2019 4:19 pm

theforsaken wrote:I don't see where to delete my account either, is it possible? Can someone either tell me how or do it for me if you're admin or whatever?
Cheers guys.

People can be banned, but their threads remain.

**Posts:** 1792 · by **theforsaken** » Mon Dec 30, 2019 4:30 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
theforsaken wrote:I don't see where to delete my account either, is it possible? Can someone either tell me how or do it for me if you're admin or whatever?
Cheers guys.

People can be banned, but their threads remain.

Alrighty, guess I'll just leave it and quit logging in again.
The original thread could probably get me banned lol, but if it happens I'd rather the account not exist anymore, not just it's still there but I'm locked out.

I can't forgive, And I can't forget.

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

#7

#8

#9

#10

Main Menu

Psychology Resources

Recent posts

Active topics

Contact Us