PAWS 3 Months HELP

**Posts:** 3 · by **Only1Steezo** » Sat Feb 19, 2022 11:42 pm

I’ll try to make this short, i have a past with smoking weed and i use to be addicted. Pretty much smoked all day everyday. I went 2 years clean then sadly relapsed and went back to smoking 28% and up THC everyday all day. It was safe to say i was back to my old ways within 1 month. I only relapsed for a total of about 2 and half before i stopped again ( just recently ) i also quit nicotine during this process. it’s been 3 months since ive quit both and the first month was filled with panic attacks/anxiety attacks, depression, intrusive thoughts and depersonalization. The panic attacks were the worst. I would panic over anything and start worrying like crazy. Month two was better but i still had those waves where i felt like i was back at day 1. Im now on month three and in retrospect things are a lot better the panic attacks have gone down and so has the depression. More normal days are starting to roll through.

The only thing is... when i had my first panic attack i had a intrusive thought that my mom was trying to hurt me, or make me depressed on purpose. ( yes this is crazy i know ) my mom has always been the most loving, caring mom ever. She is truly a role model for me and i never ever had these thoughts until i just stopped smoking weed. now i get these weird feelings whenever she says things to me, i second guess everything and sometimes i could get close to a panic attack if i let the thoughts keep rolling. I love my mom and i know she wouldnt do anything to me, so why am i still having these thoughts? These thoughts bring anxiety and worry. I dont get these feelings 24/7 but it is most of the time. Does anyone have something similar? Please respond. It would give me a light of hope and some more motivation. Im only 24 and this fight has been crazy so far. Thank you to anyone and everyone that has posted their story on here. I have read so many, and they all helped me when i felt like i was crazy and at my lowest.

**Posts:** 3014 · by **tokeless** » Sun Feb 20, 2022 8:03 am

Hi,
Firstly, well done for stopping again. Intrusive thoughts are pretty normal, but the content can be the worry. From what you have written, I think the initial thought has triggered you to overthink because it disturbed you, because you know it's not true, so why did you think it? Now, when you're with your mum, you are anticipating the thoughts, triggered by the first... why did she? Why would she? Is she? Etc...
Has this made you avoid your mum or reduce your contact with her? If so, you need to address this because it will feed the thoughts... spend time with her doing nice things together, talk about the past times you've had.. reinforce the positive signals with her. Thoughts of this nature are quite like dreams, which can be strange or upsetting but they are just subconscious and not real. If you find yourself thinking negatively about your mum, change the narrative about her, to the positive like you have in your post. You know she wouldn't hurt you and she cares about you. Don't over analyse your feelings and thoughts.... as a side, messing about with high end THC is risky and unfortunately a factor in the weed industry seeking more ways to sell their product when there wasn't one... nobody needs that level of THC to get high.

**Posts:** 3 · by **Only1Steezo** » Sun Feb 20, 2022 9:05 am

Thanks for reaching out tokeless.. and yes i have been very open with my mom with the thoughts/feelings that i have been having. I havent changed anything, or distanced myself from her, if anything ive gotten closer to her. These past few months have been pretty bad for me but things are better. I get worried sometimes that i ruined my brain and i’ll think/ feel like this forever.

**Posts:** 3014 · by **tokeless** » Sun Feb 20, 2022 9:11 am

Hi, it's good you still connect with her. You won't be like this forever but you have to stop focusing on your thoughts of brain damage because where is your evidence you may have? Intrusive thoughts? Not evidence. If you think positively you will feel more positive and its the same the other way... you have done a positive thing, you will feel differently for a while... focus on the now, not the What if.

**Posts:** 2 · by **Mrboombastic** » Mon Feb 21, 2022 6:46 am

Steezo,

I’m on Day 7 myself. I can definitely relate to all the negative thoughts. That’s all they are negative thoughts from withdrawal. I too feel like I’ve messed up my brain because I’m a college drop out. One of my fears is that I’m too dumb to finish college for comp sci. But after watching some software engineer YouTubers talk about their experiences, it has given me hope. Basically, they all admitted they struggled, but they persevered. One quote that spoke to me was “Anyone can learn any complex skill, you just have to put the time in. And that time is different for everyone.”

So put the time and effort into anything you deem valuable to learn. I think the best source of happiness/contentment comes hard work and achieving your goals. The problem with addiction and substance abuse is that it’s temporary happiness and instant gratification. It will never make you truly content with life. My 2 cents.

**Posts:** 3 · by **Only1Steezo** » Mon Feb 21, 2022 8:10 am

Thank you for the kind words my G. I wish you the best of luck on your journey. I read your post. Never would i thought all this could come from weed/nicotine. I’m glad you and i and many others are facing this head on.

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