oh the main problem could be that I really don't get away from her at all . I am a stay at home mom and I never really go anywhere or do anything except with her.
It probably is a major factor
I want more than anything to stop yelling, but nothing else works, if I put her in time out she just tells me she hates me and then keeps getting back up . Sometimes making her sit in her bedroom for about 5-10 min works and she will come out all calm and quiet.
When she says she hates you, I would suggest hearing it as: I really RESENT IT when you take charge!!
It sounds like the 'time-out' does work if you persist. Could you structure some time where she plays in her room at certain times during the day? Not as a punishment, but never-the-less to give you some personal space?
Does she have toys in her room she could get into playing with regularly? Kids always seem to love boxes, the bigger the better, could you get some very large cardboard boxes and make a play house in her room maybe?
If she seems always to be on the go and doesn't settle to anything much, it might be worth looking to see if anything she is eating or drinking is affecting her behaviour - they put some real junk in even the simpleist foods nowadays. Highly coloured drinks and foods can sometimes contain a load of chemicals that are really unecessary and undesirable. Maybe worth trying her with fruit juices or fruit based squashes and just basic home made stuff for a week just to see if it makes any difference. It may be that if she seems calmer when not taking certain drinks/foods that when you reintroduce whatever the offending item is she will have a strong reaction to it which is seen in her behaviour again as being even more intense.
Can you do a deal with any other mums whereby you take it in turns to look after each others kids while in turn you take some time off?