I need a solution to fix the problems related to my T.B.Is

**Posts:** 4 · by **FlyDwen** » Mon May 04, 2020 1:41 am

I asked in any part of the Internet to find an answer to this question, but I still can't find a solution... here is my case :

At 3, 8 and 15 years old, I suffered from brain injuries. Being exceptionally intelligent before (it seems that I had years of intellectual ahead), I lost several abilities... now, I have only the intelligence of an average person.

I am actually 16 years old, and I suffer from complex because of my intelligence for about 4 years. I have a globalized anxiety and social phobia, but that's not the problem.

The problem is, that I can't accept to leave as a lambda. Before my brain injuries, in my early days already, I planned to become physician or mathematician because these were the only jobs that made sense for me. I already considered life an experience empty of sense.
But now, after getting destroyed, I don't find any meaning to my days. I took Zoloft for 8 months but it only made things worse since the abilities that have not been affected by my injuries were affected (due to the action of the drug on the hippocampus).
I stopped taking the drug 6 months ago.
Now, and for about 7 months, I refuse to live. I have always lived like a solitary, not going out everyday because I don't like to communicate and feel really bad with people.
But actually, I can't even go out once a week because each minute during which I am not busy is a real torture for me, that often leaves me crying.
I play video games about 12 hours/day, watch TV during 3 hour and sleep for about 11 hours (I can't sleep more) - if you calculated, this means that I always go to bed later. Actually, I go to bed when it's 7 A.M. because I'm not tired enough before to fall asleep in less than 5 minutes.

I don't have friends and don't want to have some. All I want is to recover from my brain injuries, in order to achieve my unique goals in life, my reasons to live...
I am obsessed by the waste of time that are each of the minutes of my days, but it's too painful to work and I consider that a waste of time too, since I take a lot more times to complete the tasks I would complete in a few minutes if I didn't endure the brain injuries.
Also, I have to say that I envisage death everyday more... I really can't see any way to stop this... everyday, I feel like I can't endure any hour with these cognitive capacities, but every evening I am still here, and can't avoid to think again to future. I only accept to stay alive because I hope for some discoveries that would allow me to fully recover my capacities, but I am not even sure that such technologies will be developped before my death... if anybody knows where I can find some informations concerning the actual studies that aim to allow a full recovery after a brain injury, please send me the informations...

I don't know what to ask for... I don't want to feel better if my capacities don't improve, but my life really makes no sense and I desesperately need something.

P.S. Working on my capacities can't improve them significantly. The prefrontal cortex doesn't develop after 25 years old and the bases are already created at 3 years old. I can only be a bit better in logic, but I can't be what I would be, given the actual knoweldge, and I don't want to be a good version of myself but the best version that could exist, or at least one of the people that could resolve the hardest problems on Earth.

I hope that this message is understandable... I don't basically speak English.

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Mon May 04, 2020 7:45 am

May I ask how you keep acquiring these brain injuries? I ask because I have an ABI myself, from a road accident more than four years ago, and I know just one is a game-changer. I've learned to work with it, although I do things much more slowly now. I'm a lot older than you are so it doesn't matter so much. I can only imagine the anguish of having to choose a career.

Your most recent TBI was very recent, and you're not going to like it when I tell you recovery takes a lot of patience. I understand not wanting to be with people. The covid19 lockdown has meant I now communicate almost entirely on my keyboard. Unfortunately my husband is likely to get shouted at if he interrupts me, because I lose my train of thought so easily. Also I have lost a lot of names and words; or rather, I sometimes have to go through a complicated series of mnemonics or can find stuff on another tab, but not when I'm trying to communicate verbally, of course. It's extremely frustrating, I know.

Did you mean to say you've been diagnosed with Complex PTSD? That would involve interpersonal trauma.

I get it about the death imagery and, because of your age, the need for meaning. I too am on an anti-social sleep schedule, although I now sleep very much less than you do. If my husband didn't keep things going here I wouldn't shop for food, particularly now that he has to queue for up to two hours every time he goes to the supermarket.

It probably won't help if I tell you that life has no meaning, in the sense of long-term purpose. At least, it has none apart from the meaning you give it. You are not obliged to use whatever gifts and talents you've developed, although you'll be happier if you do.

There's no law says you have to be sociable, ie. fit in with people around you. I particularly like to read and watch biographical books and films about the people who are impaired in one way (usually socially) but genius in another, how much they're opposed and rejected but they brush that off because they have a particular focus and nothing else matters.

I don't want to overwhelm you, here. Please let me know if this post makes sense to you.

**Posts:** 4 · by **FlyDwen** » Mon May 04, 2020 2:00 pm

None of my brain injuries was severe, but the three decreased my logical capacities.
The first one happened when I fell from a show scene (on which I had to get for the celebration of the scholar year's end) after tripping on a bench.
When I was 8, I joined a sport colony for 1 day. The problem is that the other children were up to 14. There were climbing trails and a 14 year old hit me while swinging on a rope. I have suffered from anterograde amnesia during 40 minutes right after the accident, but the doctor I saw then didn't ask for an MRI since I didn't present any important symptom after the amesia.
At 15, I went to an handball colony to follow the advices of my physicist in order to cure my depression. I hit another player during an exercice of sprint (we both had to get the same ball, going from opposite sides of the field).
I note important changes in my personnality and in my cognitive abilities each time. I watched hundreds of hours of video taps and the changes are obvious.

I wasn't diagnosed any time, but I'm about to have appointments with a neurolog to get what I observed validated. My physicist already agreed with my interpretations.

I'm good at maths and physics, but not enough and I obviously have less capacities than before. I can't accept to be weakened for the rest of my life.

**Posts:** 4 · by **FlyDwen** » Mon May 04, 2020 2:42 pm

Candid wrote:May I ask how you keep acquiring these brain injuries? I ask because I have an ABI myself, from a road accident more than four years ago, and I know just one is a game-changer. I've learned to work with it, although I do things much more slowly now. I'm a lot older than you are so it doesn't matter so much. I can only imagine the anguish of having to choose a career.

Your most recent TBI was very recent, and you're not going to like it when I tell you recovery takes a lot of patience. I understand not wanting to be with people. The covid19 lockdown has meant I now communicate almost entirely on my keyboard. Unfortunately my husband is likely to get shouted at if he interrupts me, because I lose my train of thought so easily. Also I have lost a lot of names and words; or rather, I sometimes have to go through a complicated series of mnemonics or can find stuff on another tab, but not when I'm trying to communicate verbally, of course. It's extremely frustrating, I know.

Did you mean to say you've been diagnosed with Complex PTSD? That would involve interpersonal trauma.

I get it about the death imagery and, because of your age, the need for meaning. I too am on an anti-social sleep schedule, although I now sleep very much less than you do. If my husband didn't keep things going here I wouldn't shop for food, particularly now that he has to queue for up to two hours every time he goes to the supermarket.

It probably won't help if I tell you that life has no meaning, in the sense of long-term purpose. At least, it has none apart from the meaning you give it. You are not obliged to use whatever gifts and talents you've developed, although you'll be happier if you do.

There's no law says you have to be sociable, ie. fit in with people around you. I particularly like to read and watch biographical books and films about the people who are impaired in one way (usually socially) but genius in another, how much they're opposed and rejected but they brush that off because they have a particular focus and nothing else matters.

I don't want to overwhelm you, here. Please let me know if this post makes sense to you.

And are you aware of the studies in progress ?

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Tue May 05, 2020 8:17 am

No. What can you link me to?

**Posts:** 4 · by **FlyDwen** » Tue May 05, 2020 11:53 am

I asked to find some others ones to rekindle my hope because I didn't find any for 2 weeks and it's really appalling for me, but anyway. I found this study, but can't understand if this transplant could be done in the prefrontal cortex (or other areas, but that's not the problem of my *life*).

So, you have to search "These cells in your brain might heal you some day | Jocelyne Bloch | TEDxCHUV" on YouTube (I can't send links because I'm a new user).

I need a solution to fix the problems related to my T.B.Is

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