Setting boundaries at work

**Posts:** 3 · by **Marla** » Fri Jan 25, 2019 4:17 am

Need someone’s advice.

I work at the same job for the past 9 years. Love what i do. I have a boss who is almost 3 times older then i am. & 6 month ago he got into hospital and thought that he’d die so he wrote me an email talking about being in love with me. Should be a good thing to know this, but i did not like reading about it. I got over that, making a mental note to myself that if anything inappropriate will happen i’d leave right away.
About a month ago, he started sending me text messages on weekends and after work. Like good morning and flower emoji messages, or just flowers, smiles, or a photo of him at golf, or whatever. I ignore completely those messages, thinking that he will get the “ignore” vibe from me and stop doing it. Now he is sending emoji flowers every other day. I am so angry and irritateted and dont know how to stop it. I am at the point of being rude to him. Trying my best to stay professional. His confession really made me questions my abilities , skills and the reason why i have the job. Hurt my self esteem. I like what i do, i like that my work is close to home, i am ok with my pay and afraid if i leave i will not get anything better. I dont know how to professionally , soft and in a strong way tell him to stop this nonsense with texting. Btw, he has a wife. I am single and i am thinking if I get a boyfriend how in the world will i be able to explain those messages to him?

Any advice?

**Posts:** 2958 · by **quietvoice** » Fri Jan 25, 2019 4:22 am

**Posts:** 3 · by **Marla** » Fri Jan 25, 2019 4:26 am

quietvoice wrote:
Marla wrote:Any advice?

There's a setting on my phone that will block text messages from certain numbers. I'm sure your phone has the same. Make use of that setting.

I thought about it. If i do that then when important text will come in from him regarding work i wont be able to read it or know what’s going on.

**Posts:** 31 · by **lol4er** » Tue Jan 29, 2019 1:57 pm

I think being friendly at the start help a lot at the work

**Posts:** 3 · by **Marla** » Mon Feb 04, 2019 3:19 am

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Mon Feb 04, 2019 9:09 am

Marla wrote: If i do that then when important text will come in from him regarding work i wont be able to read it or know what’s going on.

That will be his fault, right?

He may be the boss, but there has to be a higher authority he's accountable to. This is the person to go to, and show her or him the texts he's been sending.

If that's not the case, and he's the owner-boss, he deserves to have his business go under.

What he's been doing is sexual harassment. You could sue.

**Posts:** 16 · by **Roman_K** » Thu Feb 14, 2019 8:25 pm

Maria,

I would highly recommend the following course of action:

1) Prepare for the worst - leaving the job

2) Start getting some traction in finding a new job for piece of mind

3) Once ready, have an honest conversation with your boss, chances are he is not aware of your true feelings. Tell him how you feel. Say it makes you uncomfortable to come to work every day. Don't threaten to leave at this point. Just express your feelings

4) If he stops and you don't have to go - perfect

5) If he continues or start threatening to fire you have some respect for yourself and leave.

6) Remember what Bronnie Ware said in her book "The Top 5 Regrets Of The Dying". #1 regret of old dying people is not being true to themselves. Do something now, don't let it go for ages.

Hope that helps,

Roman

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