JoeSmith wrote:Hi everyone. My names joe, I’m 28, I’m trying to figure out some ways to cope with some of my anger. Me and my wife recently had a baby, I’m finding that excessive crying from the baby and feeling of helplessness is filling me with rage. I know to put the baby down and walk away, but I get to the point where I will sometimes yell or even clench my muscles to relieve the anger feeling. (After I’m away from the baby). I sometimes get so infuriated that I find the need to hit a wall. I’m able to control and not fully lash out to anything around me, but I’ll go find a wall to punch or elbow. My dogs also drive me up the wall. It’s stuff that I can’t even really blame them for. Like for example, my dog peed in the house because I was talking a moment for myself and didn’t let her out. I don’t know if it’s just all the stresses that are coming with a new baby? It’s just concerning and I’m not really fond of how it makes me feel an episode.
Hi Joe,
Sorry I didn't catch this sooner.. The Page doesn't alert me for new Posts and I was in the middle of big Blog project.
Whoa! Tensing your Muscles is the Last Thing you should be doing. Your Borderline Rage is a cortisol-adrenaline reaction. Now, it is surprising that a baby should trigger this Fight-Flight-Fright Response, and so I suspect you also have a stressful job or a stressful life situation, where you are keyed up nearly all the time. BUT, that being said, you need to learn how to stave off these Cortisol Reactions. You do that by shaking off the the tension and taking a deep breath. Don't Tighten. the trick is loosen. I've written on this Forum a lot, see below, I have discussed Cortisol Control at length. The Trick is you have to be Quick. Usually the First Hint of a Cortisol Adrenaline Rush is that your jaw muscles will tighten up. Your Jaw muscles are the closest muscle group to the Gland in your Brain that is pumping out the Cortisol. You will FEEL the jaws tighten even before you consciously know there is even anything pissing you off. When you know you are pissed off, it is already too late to stop it. So watch for the Muscle Tension, and, yes, it usually hits the jaws first. JUST RELAX. The worst thing to do is to clamp down. Mother Nature has given us a FALSE ALARM KILL SWITCH for these FIGHT FLIGHT FRIGHT Reactions. You know, back when People lived in the Jungle, it was not always Lion... one would see the mangy village dog out of the corner of the eye and Panic thinking it was a Lion, but just one look and we know it is Okay, so RELAX.... unlock the jaw muscles. Don't Tense up. Shake it Off. Breath Deep. Say "that was a close one". Do not acknowledge the CAUSE.
Now, I DON'T think it is the Baby. You are under a lot of Stress. That Gland tends to be Over Active in people who are continuously under stress. You have to learn to be ALWAYS on your guard against Tightening Up. Unless somebody sticks a gun in your face, just Shake Everything Off. Really, ITS JUST A STINKING JOB, right? The Fat Cats are making all the real doe, and you just get the crumbs... the slave wages. SO why the hell should you break a sweat over anything, right? so Relax. Literally, Relax. You can get that Gland back to Normal only if you can keep it mellow.
Oh, Discuss this with your wife. Show her what I am saying here. She can help you with it. Also, she must be an inch away from divorcing your donkey, and so if she sees this she might not think you are such a natural born a**hole but that you just have never learned how to deal with all the stresses you are under trying make a living in this World that just wants to beat people over their heads and exploit the hell out of them... yeah, why is it we aren't all walking around with big donkey grins on our face, I wonder.
Anyway, Joe, good luck.