Which comes first, the ruminating or the depression? Do we ruminate because we are depressed or are we depressed because we are ruminating? Maybe we feel we have good reasons to ruminate.
In my case, I was brought up to believe that I was stupid and not bright enough to survive in the world – get a decent job etc. One of the postees (is there such a word?) to this site had talked about being brought up in a family that considered itself superior to other families. That struck a note with me. My family had the same atmosphere about it ...but then the postee’s (thank you for posting by the way) comment made me realize that my problem was that “I was never good enough…I would never live up to the family standards”. I had never really thought of it that way.
Now this is what I have been ruminating on for the past years …I realize almost all of my life. Once I left home I began to do quite well academically (I always did very badly at school) and now I have a management position, so one could argue that the ideas of “me being stupid” are obviously not true. Things began to change once I left the negative atmosphere of home and found friends that believed and supported me. I have a lot to be thankful for.
However the “me being stupid idea” is part of my core, it is part of my being, part of who I am, how I view myself. I remember that my first girlfriend told me that if I didn’t stop putting myself down and being so negative all the time, she would leave me. That did the trick; I have shut up talking about it ever since, and now I think most people (except those who know me really well) see me a quite a positive person – but I often get very down.
The “me being stupid” idea easily gets translated into “no body loves me” or “no body will love me” and isn’t it true that when this comes from your family, those that should always be behind you, those that should support you through life, it is even more difficult to deal with. You can look at the reasons for your family not being able to express love and support – they didn’t get it from their parents and so it goes on, but……What is my point? The bottom line is; if you didn’t get the love and respect from your parents and family - the most fundamental of human needs (surely?) [I notice that you don’t have this as one of your fundamental needs – why not?], are these not very good reasons to ruminate? You want to understand why they didn’t support or respect you – they surely must have had very good reasons and if the fundamental of ties, between parents and their children, which we all say is a natural instinct – isn’t there - then something must be seriously wrong. I am rambling, so I’ll stop.
I would welcome any comments, ideas, and thoughts on this?
By the way, I think you have an excellent site. A gold mine of information! Just think if we could solve this problem called “depression” what a wonderful place all of the world would be. I believe many of your ideas in the “learning path” are spot-on, they have really provided me some new and useful insights. Thank you!