I am beside myself with disappointment. My ex and I have been raising our boys in two separate households and two separate ways for years. We might have similar opinions on somethings, when it comes down to having standards and being responsible, its me. If i say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it. If she says something to them, they (the boys) know she will fold and will give in allowing them to do pretty much what they want.
example - I want them to grow up and be responsible so I stopped giving them money. I told them they need to find a job to earn it, nothing in life is given to you.
she found out about it and decided it was 'mean' and gave them what ever amount they needed as they wanted it.
now, our son, the oldest, does not get along with his mom and generally looks at her situation in life as no desirable ; she lives in a bad neighborhood apartment, barely finished highschool etc.
So he asks me to help him get going as far as his education, right after highschool. I allowed him to stay at home with me while he found work, got his car situated and finally got him accepted into an out of state college. I personally drove with him up there, to make sure he was taken care of . I invested all i could to make sure he had the opportunities I didnt have at his age (i went into the military) .
He spent one semester in a dorm going to classes, and decided to quit school and move in with his mom. He claimed the classes gave him anxiety and college 'isnt his thing' so he's going to live on his mom's couch and 'figure things out'.
Her statement about it all is interesting , being that she feels she might have babied him a bit too much since being responsible on his own presents problems for him.
Right now I'm so disappointed I took back some of his christmas gifts (some meant for the dorm, im not a complete monster) but I dont know how to shake this feeling of resentment. I m frustrated that I couldnt have done more to get this kid a better sense of responsibility, I'm frustrated that his mom allows him to do what ever he wants; if she said no you cant move back home he would have stuck it out in school.
I also realize this is HIS life choice not my own and I have to respect it, even if i dont like it. But i cant seem to get over it. what to do? do i have a right to feel like this ?