Hi all, I've got an unusual problem that I really want to get help about. I know people can never diagnose you based on an online post you make, but it would help if someone could point me to something I might not know about or missed in the research I've tried to do.
Basically, I have an increasingly more serious problem with being skinny. To get it out of the way, I'm not anorexic because I'm not trying to be skinny and I definitely don't view myself as overweight (I would do just about ANYTHING to gain weight/be more muscular). I'm not sure if it's standard procedure here to do so, but I'm male, 18, about 5' 8", and weight 120 lbs. Clearly that is underweight for an 18 yr old male of my height. In the last 4 years or so, I've started to develop my problem with eating. I always woke up too late to eat breakfast, so I began to and still skip breakfast to this day. I don't ever eat much at one sitting, and typically can't finish a meal. For example, almost every time I have dinner, I won't finish it all, but then I'll get hungry an hour or 2 later and eat again (not a full meal but maybe a small microwave burrito). My mom has always just said that I'm a "grazer", but the thing is that I go to bed hungry almost every night. Like I said I always eat again after dinner, but typically my appetite runs out before the hunger is gone. That sorta goes for the whole day: my appetite can never match the physical feeling of hunger I have.
I'm not sure if mental things have been a part of all of this. The time that my problem began to arise was roughly at the same time I began high school, which was a really stressful time in my life. I'm a smart kid and my parents have always pushed me extremely intensely to do well. I began to resent them, because I felt that any time I wanted to chill out with friends it would always be "did you do your homework? did you study? did you start your college applications?" and I began to get extremely stressed out about life. I remember that about 2 days before I was going to take an IB (similar to AP) exam this year, I had crushing anxiety in bed because I felt that I hadn't studied enough, and it got so bad that I had extreme pain in my ab region and eventually had diarrhea. There have been many similar cases. The night of Prom, my appetite disappeared as soon as we got to the restaurant and I practically ate nothing. It was really embarrassing because one of my friends looked at me and was like "dude are you going to eat?" and I just lied about having eaten dinner beforehand. Just last week I had orientation at UCLA, and I ate very little at all the meal times. I feel like my appetite instantly disappears when I'm in social situations. I don't know what it is, because I'm in general a friendly, outgoing guy (I loved talking and meeting and joking with new people).
The problem isn't just in social situations. Even when I'm just chilling at home my appetite never matches my hunger. I feel like part of the problem might also be taste. I have some weird aversions, like for example I DO NOT eat seafood whatsoever. My mom tried to force me to eat salmon when I was like 8 years old and I hated it, and even though I haven't actually tried 95% of seafood, I just have this gut feeling that seafood tastes terrible and one time I threw up in a Bubba Gumps restaurant simply because the smell of fish was so overwhelming. My taste preferences are mildly diverse; I like some meats, pasta, bread, vegetables, fruits, rices, etc. That said, when I eat I typically enjoy the taste for only a short period. Then I begin to become overwhelmed by the taste, even if it's one I find enjoyable.
I'll end here because I don't want this to be too tldr, but I would really appreciate if anyone can offer insight. I'm going off to UCLA in about a month and I feel like this eating problem is literally the most important thing I need to take care of in my life before I get to college. Thank you all.