I am a 25 year old women, married with kids.
Me and my husband both have been through a lot before we got married. During the total time we've been together (3 1/2 years) we've had to be each other rocks through healing time. It's been a lot. Mine healing time is taking the longest
Anyway, we have a good life. We are still hurting but we're making it through I think. One thing that I have not been able to get over is a issue I have with my husband masterbating. I NEED to understand this.
Now, I have very low self esteem. Which I am working on and is getting better. There are things in the past that others and that he has done that hasn't helped but right now we are good! and he treats me really well. He gives me lots of attention, we have really good sex and I think I would say pretty often for us working full time jobs and having kids. We even indulge in fantasies which satisfies both of us.
But, I can't help but to continue to have this sinking feeling when I walk in our bedroom and there' evidence of his self pleasure. Now matter how much he's built me up or made me feel good or wanted that instantly goes away and automatically think to myself..... "What have I done wrong? Why am I not good enough? Why doesn't he want me?"
He always says that he wants me and he loves me and would much rather have me but we either don't have time or its pressured or whatever so that's why he does. He says he watches my videos but in my eyes (for someone who doesn't self pleasure and is completely satisfied by him!) I am offended because if he wants me then why didn't he wait for me? aren't I much better? am I not good enough? Maybe I should have never made any videos? but I want to please him and I know it wouldn't stop him... I don't really want to stop him from doing so, I just want to understand so I can stop feeling so crappy!
Tell me how a man can feel these two things at once. Love me and care for me and want me so much but still feel the need to self pleasure. because I want to believe this, I want to understand. It black or white for me and I believe him but I don't understand it.
I get obsessed with the idea and it hurts so bad sometimes that it annoys him if I bring any of it up, I don't want to get to the point were I get crazy about it and start trying to tell him what to do because I don't. I don't want to TRY and take anything away from him or try to control him.