Urgent help regarding my best friend (possibly bi-polar)

Hi egor and welcome to the fourms.

Your situation sounds like a very difficult one, and your firend is very lucky to have someone who cares about her as much as you do.

When someone is deeply depressed it can be very difficult to get through to them - the depression changes their perception so much that everything appears depressing. If you know anyone who is physically near to your friend, I strongly encourage you to let them know what is happening so they can notify her GP or psychiatrist. It may be a hard thing to do now, but it is worth it if it stops her killing herself.

The only thing I can suggest in terms of what you can say to her (and remember it is not often that people can get through to those who are depressed), is to remind her how much you love her and how devastated you would be if she killed herself. You can also talk in terms of the depression convincing her that life is not worth living when she means so much to other people. Suicide, after all, is something you do to others.

Talking about depression as being 'outside' of her in this way can sometimes make the person begin to realise that there is more to them than the depression, and that life wasn't always this way, and will be different again.

Having said that, if you can, I urge you to contact someone who can notify a professional.

The best of luck to you egor

Roger

Thank you, I seriously appreciate the advice. I've tried showing her love and telling her how amazing she is, its hard to do when she'll get angry or stop talking at the slightest hint that I'm begging her not to do it, and she hardly ever gets angry at me.

I don't really know anyone I could contact who could help her, she's being secluded for quite some time, not because she wants to be, mind. I simply don't know the contact details of those around her.

Telling her what ending her life would do to me isn't really possible, because that just ends up as begging, and I can't really afford to have her stop talking to me right now.

And thank you for the bit about making depression seem as if it isn't a part of her, I think that should help because she feels as if it is right now, kind of as if its a part of her soul, I think she feels broken inside, i can't quite explain it.

Anyhoo, I'm just saying thanks, basically .

You may also find it helpful to read the Depression Learning Path

It may help you help her.

Roger

Thank you so much again, Roger, I've been so desperate, I couldn't talk to her for a while and I immediately thought the worst, events of me going the same way were racing around my head. But, we've spoken, and having read the depression learning path I've learnt alot, I'm trying very hard not to beg her, and I'll do whatever it takes, right now I'm trying to externalise the problem, show her that it'll be a bad point in her life, and not the rest of her life. It all came on suddenly, a few days ago, for absolutely no reason at all, she's always been depressed to some extent, but not like this, I've been trying to tell her that her becoming depressed suddenly means that its very 'bad luck' and that somehow it will pass, but I don't know, am I doing the wrong thing? Maybe I should shut up before I say the completely wrong thing? I'm so stuck right now.

I just hope this works, because she's all I've got, and even if I had more, I couldn't possibly live without her.

Hi Egor ,

There is a lot of hope for Bipolar people. I'm Bipolar and it's been a long road for me, about 23 years, but it doesn't have to be. There are alot of new medication's out there for depressed or Bipolar people. I take 4 medication's right now and the newest being Abilify. I call it my miracle drug. It changed my life drastically. I use to be in and out of the hospital every 6 month's or so trying to get my depression or mania to subside. I haven't been in the hospital for over 2 yrs now. When a person is depressed that is usually all they can think about so that would be all they want to talk about. Maybe if you told your friend that you have been doing a little research on the subject and talking to other's about depression and being Bipolar that would catch your friends attention. There is no doubt in my mind that your friend definately need's to seek professional help. If you suggest that your friend see's a doctor about this matter would your friend be receptive? If so that is half of the battle. Being Bipolar is a very lonely disease and if you talk to your friend with tender,loving care he/she just might be willing to listen. I wish you the very best, take care, Jo.

Just read your post about your friend who is possibly Bipolar. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder Type 1 about 18 months ago after a severe manic episode. Prior to that I had the odd bout of serious depression, and suffered mild depression almost constantly since about the age of 18/19 (I'm now nearly 27). Your partner will not ever be diagnosed with Bipolar disorder until she has been observed as being hypomanic or manic for at least two weeks, although this drastic mood swing into what appears to be a chronic depression is more indicative of bipolar illness than it is of unipolar depression. This is in compliance with the DSM IV Diagnostic manual of mental illness. To draw an analogy with physical illness... it is like having a period of high blood pressure, high cholesterol and shortness of breath. This indicates a poor state of physical health, but not necessarily a case of heart disease. It is quite clear that your friend is going through a period of poor mental health and isprobably suffering from a depressive illness (she MUST see a doctor to have this confirmed), but a diagnosis of mental illness cannot be made until she fits all the criteria. Your friend needs to be made aware that, although what she is feeling at the moment is very real, and very distressing, it is the nature of mental illness that leads us to believe that thoughts of suicide seem acceptable and inconsequential. Its quite a while since you posted your original message... has any further progress been made (a diagnosis? has her outlook improved?). I did a post a few days back called "My Approach", and another called the "10 Minute Strategy for Bad Days." Read them and see what you think. It may be useful for her to read them as well, just to show her how someone else who has been in the same position copes. Your friend will know that the thoughts of suicide are wrong, but will probably not be able to see any other solution at the present time; you must remember that the prime reason we think of suicide when we are depressed is that its the only sure fire way that we know will end our suffering... the focus should now be on making sure that your friend knows that the recovery process takes a little while, and that there are many ways to ALLEVIATE depressive suffering.

I wouldn't worry too much about getting a diagnosis. It often doesn't help (unless its to get a prescription for antidepressants) and can even elongate recovery because the sufferer can adopt the perspective that they are just beyond help and that their lifestyle and approach to life will not have any effect upon their well being (which is usually how people who have suicidal thoughts already are).

Please post a reply, or send me an email if you want any further opinions from me.

Thanks for the replies, I appreciate it, wanting to kill myself right now is just making this worse.

Progress, well, turns out she could die at any moment in time because she has been diagnosed with an aneurysm, so, of course, her dead = me dead, is it sick of me to see that as a relief? Some friend I am...

Anyway, as for bipolar, hasn't been diagnosed, she has been seeing a psychiatrist, not regularly, but thats just because of waiting lists and all that. He told her what drugs could be used if she had it, she said she didn't want to take those drugs (because she's already on alot for her aneurysm, previously diagnosed as migraines, and she has tried a few of the drugs suggested because she also has add, I don't know what drugs she has tried for what illness, its very complicated, she doesn't want to be zombified because she's been there). The psychiatrist doesn't want to diagnose her if she won't take the drugs because he said he didn't want to 'label' her, she seems to agree with this, but at the same time, just wants to know whether she is or isn't, he has refused, she told me she'll try and make him. Not sure what to make of all of this, she doesn't want to live, I don't want to live, so why are we still alive? She has other things in her life, though, to live for, I don't.

Okay, this isn't really about me, though.

Yeah, I've been trying to show her lots of love and affection, I've been doing that even before all of this crap. We barely get to talk, though, she says she still loves me, so I'm thinking we're okay, its her head, you see, she sleeps all day, is in immense pain throughout the night, I haven't got a clue why it isn't the other way round, has to be more than sleeping patterns.

Oh, and she hasn't gone through a depressive period since that time I were panicking about, thank god.

I'd like to thank everyone here, you're all very kind.

I really fel empathy and sympathy for your current dilemma Egor, but you need to get some support/help yourself. The death or illness of a loved one is one of the highest causes of depression. Given that you are so heartbroken at what may lie in store for you should your friend not recover (although please bear in mind that recovery is possible), I would suggest going to see a doctor/counsellor yourself.

Please don't despair. The love that you have shown to your friend doesn't stop just because she is no longer physically around.... you have to find a way to take that love and re-channel it somewhere else.

If you want to talk or exchange PM's, just send me one.