Do you have a friend you sort of keep at arm's length because, well, there seems to be something off about them. They're generally kind, upbeat, curious, smart, progressive, attractive, socially clued in, and so on. Yet there seems to be this ineffable quality -- you can't quite put your finger on it -- that makes you keep a comfortable distance. You socialize with him in groups, and he's very much part of the social dynamic; but when it comes to a closer intimacy, well, no.
I've come to the painful realization that I might be that friend. I know a lot of people -- and I mean a lot -- as I play many sports and am exposed to a variety of social situations which I can handle comfortably. But in terms of being, say, asked over for dinner or out to a social event involving some of these people -- no, it rarely happens. And so I wonder that, despite all that self-awareness (and years of therapy trying to become a better person), that I am just not The Guy People Want Around. Sometimes I feel that people think they can walk all over me; and though none have tried, I sometimes get the sense that I am not taken seriously when I need to be.
Or maybe that's the way it is for everyone. I have a very close friend; my two other close friends I've lost over the past couple of years, one because he got hooked on drugs and disappeared, the other because it was like a very long, bad marriage. But all that aside, I just can't shake the feeling that though people think I'm a great guy that there's something about me that rankles.
No, I'm not looking to be perfect, and yes I know how to get out and socialize. I just find myself sad about not being to make more intimate connections, despite my efforts. I'm at a loss,.
Cal