Why are we getting angry?

Inquiry Chronic Unexplainable Anger

Bhavna_patel480 wrote:Where are you going to stop this? where is this leading you? How far will it take you?

Why aren't we thinking about this?

A root cause of this should be brought out ....when I'm saying root cause ...its of the situations where we have no reason to get angry but we do get angry.

Has anyone thought about this?
Please tell me ...is it any sort of mental illness or just a mood swing which cannot be called normal.

Hi Mr. Patel,
You want to know about the Root Cause for Chronic Inexplicable Anger and Irritability. I should have written about This before, because, you are right, it is a very common problem.

Well, let’s get started. You have heard about “The Straw that Broke the Camel’s Back”, right? Now, of course a little dried piece of grass can’t snap a spinal column, but a ton of other stuff along with it can be quite buckling! The Accumulated Stresses of Life are like the Ton of Stuff we are carrying around, and the Silly Little Irrational Reasons why we get Angry and Irritable are the ‘Straws’. For instance, let’s say that you hate your Job, you hate your wife, you think your children are all a bunch of incorrigible brats, your car is ugly and it’s always breaking down and in the shop, you got hemorrhoids, and an itchy spot on your back won’t go away and is driving you crazy. THEN the Cat jumps up on the Table while you are reading your newspaper, and you get so mad you almost kill the poor thing. Well, it wasn’t the Cat that made you Angry… it was EVERYTHING that made you Angry.

The Pharmaceutical Companies recognize this problem and so they market these terrible pills (serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), like Paxel) which are only the least little bit marginally effective, if at all, but their many very bad side effects are almost certain. So you want to avoid Them. On the Street the Pills are much more effective – mostly narcotic strength pills, but they are very addictive (anything THAT effective Would Be Addictive, don’t you think?) and they are very illegal. Then a lot of people get Drunk a lot.

If you don’t want to drug yourself or stay drunk all the time, well, you have to learn to just tolerate your rotten life. At the Job, just do what the boss says and don’t worry about all his yelling and screaming. Smile at your Co-workers and don’t worry about all the Office Politics. Stop caring about whatever it is your wife is nagging you about, that is, don’t argue with her… let her say what she wants and then do what you what you were going to do anyway. Then move into your own room so you don’t have to worry about Her keeping you up at nights with her complaining. As for your Kids, tell them that you will only pay attention to them if they perfectly well behaved and civilized, and if they can’t manage that, then they are ‘on their own’. The Junky Car, the hemorrhoids, and that itchy spot, well, some things you just have to learn to be philosophical about.

The Best Way of dealing with Irritability due to Life Stress, is to Not Get In that Situation to begin with. For some reason nearly all Men get married and have Families. Now WHY on Earth would they do a ridiculous thing like That!? Wives and Kids are nearly always Very Stressful! They are Very Expensive to maintain, and after the first Five Minutes of Marriage Wives aren’t fun anymore. And with a Family to support, you can’t flit from one Job to another looking for the Best and Easiest One… you have to buckle down to the First Adequate Job that comes along and hope you don’t get fired, even if the Job makes you miserable. And then you should Live and Eat in a healthy way in order to minimize Health Problem Stress.

Hmmmm… am I forgetting anything?

Oh! To prove it isn’t a mental illness, well just think about the times when you have gotten a Break from it all. I remember times during my Family Days when I would get some Temporary Assignment and would have to go off to a Distant City for a couple of weeks All By Myself. I would pack up my Motorcycle and take off. Well, it was like I Died and Went to Heaven. It was SO Wonderful. No Family Stress and the Assignments generally only needed a Certified Guy to Stand Around and Watch (that was Me). I had a Perpetual Smile stuck to my face! An Alligator could have walked up and chomped into my leg and I would have reached down and patted its head and said “Good Boy”.

To prove it to yourself… see if you can go on a vacation – BY YOUR SELF. But don’t tell your Family it is a ‘vacation’. Tell them you have to visit your poor sick maiden aunt in Mumbai or whatever, and then just go where you think it will be Nice and Relaxing. Maybe some Spiritual Pilgrimage, as long as you don’t take it too seriously. Then see if that Irritability doesn’t go away for a bit.

Mr. Patel, let me know what you think.

Hi Leo,
I'm the wife by the way.

And whatever you have written goes exactly the same with my scenario. I have faced it all and yesterday I sat thinking about this and thought to share with you guys. This is going to be useful for many people who get unnecessarily angry and lose their senses.

What you just said I have done nagging with my husband lot many times and in past 5-6 weeks we fought enough that I left for my mothers home.

He had a bad habit of smoking around kids even after knowing my elder kid was facing bronchitis.
Finally that nagging worked for me ....he understood and now he is out of it and healing his lungs ....controlled his smoking a lot ...and now we are now living happily.

But,

The anger is a big issue he is facing right now, from the time he is not smoking ...he gets angry and irritated which my doctor said he will become normal in a couple of days.

This is with smokers ....I dont know why people fill up things in their mind and not speak out and when they loose it ...they get angry and speak foolishness.

Bhavna_patel480 wrote:Hi Leo,
I'm the wife by the way.

And whatever you have written goes exactly the same with my scenario. I have faced it all and yesterday I sat thinking about this and thought to share with you guys. This is going to be useful for many people who get unnecessarily angry and lose their senses.

What you just said I have done nagging with my husband lot many times and in past 5-6 weeks we fought enough that I left for my mothers home.

He had a bad habit of smoking around kids even after knowing my elder kid was facing bronchitis.
Finally that nagging worked for me ....he understood and now he is out of it and healing his lungs ....controlled his smoking a lot ...and now we are now living happily.

But,

The anger is a big issue he is facing right now, from the time he is not smoking ...he gets angry and irritated which my doctor said he will become normal in a couple of days.

This is with smokers ....I dont know why people fill up things in their mind and not speak out and when they loose it ...they get angry and speak foolishness.

Hi Mrs. Patel,

Anger Issues are so much alike, no matter which gender you are, that it is often difficult to guess whether one is talking to a Goose or a Gander.

Oh, I am so glad that you two are happy now. Yes, if HE just quit smoking, he will be inclined to be Irritable for a while. I quit smoking myself. The Trick is to Let the Body Believe that Nicotine might be in Anything – so substitute chewing gum, cough drops, coffee (not too much… make the pot of coffee really weak), even glasses of water. People tend to gain some weight after they quit smoking – they eat more trying to find something that has Nicotine in it.

But, IF you or your husband still have a tendency toward Irritability, well, go to that Big On Line Book Retailer and find Anger Management Books that treat on Moderate Levels of Anger. If you can eliminate Irritability from the Relationship, your Quality of Life will go Way Up. The Best Anger Management author I know is Ronald Potter-Efron. He and his wife have written a number of Anger Management Books, and so I am sure that you can find one that treats for your and your Husband’s ‘Medium to Low’ Level of Anger

Oh, it was Very Good when you left for a while, when things got Too Angry. It is always good to let things cool off. Apparently you are a very sensible woman.

Again, Mrs. Patel, I am glad things are going well. Good Luck, and don’t go away! Keep writing in with your Insights. As you say, People might find them useful.

Hi Leo,

Thanks for your suggestion. I will definitely buy him that book if required.

And yes water works really good in healing.

Anger is the emotion of fighting and when a person is angered they will naturally seek to attack others. When we are angry, we care less about other people and will more readily hurt them. The angry attacker is seldom subtle and often depends on invoking fear that triggers submission or error.

Method for Letting Go of Anger-

1. Give yourself a break. If you feel like you're getting mad at someone, give yourself a little break for some time to cool down and regroup.
2. Take deep breaths.
3. Redirect your anger towards productivity.
4. Care for yourself.
5. Listen to relaxing music.
6. Turn on your positive thoughts.

Shahronak wrote:Anger is the emotion of fighting and when a person is angered they will naturally seek to attack others. When we are angry, we care less about other people and will more readily hurt them. The angry attacker is seldom subtle and often depends on invoking fear that triggers submission or error.

Method for Letting Go of Anger-

1. Give yourself a break. If you feel like you're getting mad at someone, give yourself a little break for some time to cool down and regroup.
2. Take deep breaths.
3. Redirect your anger towards productivity.
4. Care for yourself.
5. Listen to relaxing music.
6. Turn on your positive thoughts.

Hi Shahronak,

Yes, of course you are Right, but may I add what might be a very helpful Detail -- you see, Anger as that "Fighting Emotion" you speak of is driven by Adrenaline -- a hormonal secretion designed for just such Emergency Situations -- it increases Heart Rate, directs blood to the major kinetic muscle groups, and changes the focus of our Thinking for Less Cognitive Thought and More Direct Physical Response to incoming Perceptions. So it is that People feel they lose control over themselves. But STOPPING the Onset of an Adrenaline Rush is actually Easy once you know what you are looking (or Feeling) for. You see THE FIRST SIGN of an Adrenaline Rush is the Tensing of the Jaw Muscles -- Clenching One's Teeth. All you need to do is Unclench your Teeth the very moment you feel them Clench. Now, a Full Scale Adrenaline Rush takes less than a few seconds to Ramp Up, and so you must Respond Instantly to the First Sign. And once you have done it a Few Times, well, its EASY and IT WORKS. NO Adrenaline means NO FIGHT. No Adrenaline means that you Stay Calm while everyone else is Shouting. You just have to monitor your Jaw Muscles to make sure you are still focused on Blocking the Adrenaline -- you know, it is sort of like Do It Yourself 'Biofeedback'.

Shahronak wrote:Anger is the emotion of fighting and when a person is angered they will naturally seek to attack others. When we are angry, we care less about other people and will more readily hurt them. The angry attacker is seldom subtle and often depends on invoking fear that triggers submission or error.

Method for Letting Go of Anger-

1. Give yourself a break. If you feel like you're getting mad at someone, give yourself a little break for some time to cool down and regroup.
2. Take deep breaths.
3. Redirect your anger towards productivity.
4. Care for yourself.
5. Listen to relaxing music.
6. Turn on your positive thoughts.

Yes one must practice all these techniques and get the most out of it. Sometimes when we get angry we forget about these little hacks of escaping anger mode. And things get messed out.
But you can always keep trying...