How to overcome anger caused by provocation or harassment?

Leo Volont wrote:You see, Companies are the Modern Tribes, and Individuals are simply not permitted to Stand against the Tribe.

You mean disgruntled, unhappy, angry individuals that believe the Tribe should see the world the way they want the world to be? You mean individuals that believe they deserve to be the chief and that they deserve more and they deserve the tribe to act and do what they wish?

Most people recognize the tribe works together, providing food, protection, community, sharing resources, etc.

If you don't like the way the tribe is treating you, if you want to be an individual then leave the tribe!!! Don't just wallow in misery and be angry and say you are a slave that should be allowed to stand against the tribe. Hogwash. The Tribe would be glad to just get rid of you, but you keep sticking around, disgruntled and being a useless annoyance that is not helping the Tribe. There are plenty of other tribes you can join.

The reason you don't leave and go join another tribe is filled with a million excuses. Bottom line, the reason a miserable person doesn't go join another tribe is because it won't solve their problem. They are miserable today and will be miserable tomorrow, but it is convenient to always blame it on the tribe.

How many tribes has our OP been through now? She gets fired again and again and again and it is always the tribes fault? BS, the OP is miserable and will continue to be miserable until she learns that the tribe is not the problem, she is the problem.

Hi Leo,
I agree with the tribes.
In my previous role, I have done well for 9 months....then I could not be part of the tribe anymore. Harassment is not easy
I am practicing the Persona thing...My new ME in a company would be a neutral, silent and nice person if I ever get a job. I will take a Holy book to protect me from the Devil too.
I have humor though, but I will keep this for my friends + family. Or will laugh in the bathroom LOL
Rgds,
C

Carla2016 wrote:
...Ask your friend Leo who has been fired many times

.

Well, yeah, I have lost jobs, but maybe it was a mistake to say I got 'fired'.

You see, even in a situation, such as Richard describes, when a Company Knows that it needs to Have You Gone sooner than later, EVEN THEN, a person such as Myself can 'Play Ball and Get Along'. So if you can make it Known to HR and Management that You Don't Want Any Unnecessary Trouble, then Typically They give you the Option of Resigning. And the Companies usually Deeply Appreciate That.... they Love Good Sports. After all, the Reason I would get in trouble was my Anger, and I KNEW that I was in the Wrong... I knew I stepped over the line. I would tell Management that I was going to Seek Help, BUT I felt it too risky to Stay with Company before I was sure of some New Found Self Control, especially when any Next Infraction would lead to an Actual Dismissal for Cause. It would be Better for Everybody if I just Quit while I still looked relatively Clean.

SO! I was Never Black-balled. I Never got Bad References. I was always able to get New Jobs. And I acted so Well in these Negotiations and during the Out Processing that I am sure everybody realized that My Problem was one with Momentary Impulses, but that my General Personality and Socialization was Flawless.... and they had No Reason to Punish That or be Vindictive about it.

But Certain Other People make it a Point to Declare War and make everything as Bitter, Nasty and Ugly as possible, and then they are Surprised that the Company Fights Back! .... Well, I couldn't live like that. I am indeed a Social Being and all of my Instincts tell me to Get Along. and I think I finally have a 'Handle on my Impulse Control'.

But Certain Other People make it a Point to Declare War and make everything as Bitter, Nasty and Ugly as possible, and then they are Surprised that the Company Fights Back!

Are you referring to me?

I am glad that you left companies...victorious. In my previous position, I resigned then I asked them to take me back simply because I loved my job, my customers. They then were happy to sack me (which is in this EU country illegal). Due to depression, I gave up the case. Then I became homeless.
I am re-building my life slowly with a heavy heart. I pray a lot to get rid of this anger...

I guess people who leave jobs easily don't like their job, have no passion...and they are right to do so. I am emotional, I love working, it is also painful for me to leave.
A company recently called me for an assistant job...my heart aches knowing that I used to have one before!
I have learned the lesson: put the maske on, neutral and silent. Just need a salary. I won't be excited or tempted if they offer me a managerial job, it is over!
C

Carla2016 wrote:
.....I guess people who leave jobs easily don't like their job, have no passion...and they are right to do so. I am emotional, I love working, it is also painful for me to leave.

C

Dear Carla,

Anger Management may not be your only Deficit... perhaps you need to think about just your Basic Social Skills.

Now, read the quote I had taken from your Post. Do you think I might find that a bit insulting... that you have inferred that because I did what I felt was Totally Necessary at the Time that, in your opinion I had no passion for my work. But, as they say "Fools Rush In Where Angels Fear to Tread", and those whose Passion lead them into Economic Disaster and such terrible Personal Choices that they are even reduced to Homelessness... Well, is THAT the Passion you recommend!? Carla, Of course, I loved my Work and was enthusiastic about it, which I have indicated before, if you remember, was a Significant Contributor to my Anger Problem, as this Love and Enthusiasm easily mutates into Possessiveness and Territoriality , making me Resistant to Supervisory Suggestions and Protective against other Worker's perceived 'Intrusions'. So, if any of THAT is what you would call passion then such passion really needs to be avoided at all personal costs, and anybody with an ounce of Workplace Wisdom would sooner cultivate a Clear and Calm Objectivity... what some people would call being Dispassionate... which I am not sure is not one of the most essential ingredients in being a Rational Being.

But, yes, Carla, I recognize that you Seem to be Trying to work on your Survival Skills. But I suggest you work harder. If you had meant to offend me, that is one thing, and I would congratulate you on the Good Job you did of it; BUT if you had offended me simply out of an unconscious lack of Sensitivity... well, it all helps to explain how you have been able to make such a great number of implacable Enemies while pursuing the Careers you had enjoyed with such passion.

Morning Leo,
i did not mean to insult you, not in my interest...Just trying to understand.
I am determined to avoid anger in the future. I will restart sport exercise and yoga I stopped 8 yrs ago. Will take some box exercise. Pray God too.

Regarding social skills, I have improved them in my previous job. I am proud of it. I was liked by the team, most managers and directors. There were good things in my previous job...but the company took notes of my bad sides!
Because of the resignation, no-one wants to give me a chance in my industry. They also bad-mouthed me...
I am trying hard to heal my heart now, still grieving...this is not easy now.
No matter what you said Leo, I am taking into account your good ideas in the forum
(Not a bad girl after all! LOL)

Hi Carla,

Well, yes, I definitely concede that your Heart is in the Right Place about all of this. You are obviously trying very hard.

But you Still have a Tendency to Self Glorify everything you did wrong... it seems that you are Always Explaining to yourself All the Good Reasons you Had for Acting so Badly.

Perhaps the Most Effective Trend in Psychological Therapy in the last 30 years has be Cognitive Behavior Therapy, and one of its Central Points is that people with Counterproductive and Negative Internal Dialogue Have To Stop Agreeing with IT Just Because It Is What they are Thinking, that is, Respecting What Is Coming From their Own Minds. You know, we Are Able to Judge and Evaluate Our Own Thoughts, the same as we can Judge and Evaluate what Other People Say. AND if we Determine that Our Own Thoughts ARE the Source of Our Problems, then we owe it to Ourselves to ACTIVELY DISPUTE the Internal Dialogue. "Why Is What I Am Thinking So Wrong?" that is what we need to ask ourselves. But you seem to be Enshrining everything you think simply because you were the one who thought it.

For instance, that Speech this morning about PASSION, where you went on to imply that People like me who Quit without a Big Struggle of Kicking Screaming and Fighting, are somehow mediocre and lackluster compared to Your Glorious Passion! .... Well! That Must Have Sourced out of some Constantly-Repeating Internal Dialogue going through your Head over and over again. It was easy to give me that Self-Glorifying Speech because you have thought it through over a thousand times. that is why you never considered whether I would feel insulted. Once that Thought took over, it Possessed you. THIS is exactly what you need to confront and DISPUTE within yourself. You need to Stop Listening to Everything You Think.... yes, some of it may be helpful and rational, but there is Also All Of That that has been getting you in trouble.

Perhaps a good exercise for you would be to practice Minimal Communication. You must have heard how the Monks and Nuns of some Religious Orders practice Silence. Well, one can pretend that there are all kinds of Spiritual Benefits in maintaining Silence, but the REAL Reason for it is that those Monasteries and Convents are crowded -- a great many people have to live together in peace or all the interpersonal conflicts would make the place unlivable... they would need Guards like they have in Prisons in order to maintain order. But simply by insisting that Nobody Talks, everybody gets along fine. Well, I can't insist that you Never Talk, but if you learn to Minimize what you say, then it would lead you to assessing the Importance of Anything you might want to say... it would force you to Think About It. Such Conditioned and habitual Forethought would prevent the kind of Impulsive Speeches that had probably gotten you in trouble at work. they used to say "Count to 10 before you say anything". Well, if you are counting then you are not thinking, and so, realistically, it would be better to make it a personal rule to Pause and Think 10 seconds before Committing yourself to Speech. Oh, in Writing, I have found that one must absolutely insist with oneself to Read Over and Edit anything before hitting the SEND or Publish key. Not only can one check one's grammar, but it gives you one last chance to rephrase or even delete something that might be offensive, indiscreet or inappropriate.

Well, you know, THAT is the kind of Advice you would get from a Therapist. If you have trouble Taking Me Seriously, imagine that I am Tall and Well Groomed, wearing Glasses, and a Clean Pressed White Doctor's Jacket...

nice