Is it my fault?

**Posts:** 11 · by **connfusedgirlfriend** » Tue May 26, 2015 1:47 am

This is my first time using a forum but i would like the perspective of an outsider for my very f*cked up situation im in.

My partner and I are moving into our new house in 1 week and to celebrate we all went out with his flatmates and got mindlessly drunk. My current flatmate and best friend came along too, as she had just gotten cheated on by her long time boyfriend of three years with a friend of theirs.

We all had a great night and were drinking and went to a club until I got sick and asked my boyfriend to take me home. My best friend and flatmate said she would come with us too. We jumped in a cab and drove home. Whilst in the cab, I was in the front and my BF and best friend were in the back. Like always my boyfriend was sh** talking the cab driver calling us his bitchez and how he was probably going to have a threesome when we got home (high-fiving the taxi driver) it was done in a typical male drunk banter way that he is known for when drunk. Once inside we decided in our drunken state that we couldn't be bothered making up a bed for my flatmate and that she could just crash with my BF and i as we were all just going to pass out. I being in a jumpsuit striped down to just my underwear and hoped into bed and started passing out. My best friend came up to me and started kissing me and then grabbed my boyfriends hand. I didn't refuse then but the next thing i know i look up and my boyfriend and best friend are having sex right in-front of me.

I say omg get off and tell them that i cant do it I don't feel comfortable and my best friend runs out the room. I am so confused and just cant understand what ive witnessed as I really honestly did not think it would happen. I never got asked to have a threesome i was so drunk i didnt stop it earlier but it was my boyfriend and my best friend having sex in front of me, not all of us joining in.

My boyfriend and I have previously talked about threesomes and I had said I could never go through with one ESPECIALLY not one that involved him and I together.

We were so happy up until that point and I don't believe there was anything wrong at all. Infact I saw myself being with him forever and ever. we had just got our own house together and he would tell me how excited he was etc etc.

I dont know what to do. I feel having removed myself from the situation for a few days that I dont think it was done maliciously. There was a comment made in the start of the night saying that there was sexual tension between my bf and best friend though and I dont know if I have just been blinded by that fact. I dont know if you can call it cheating?, if it was my fault i didnt stop it sooner?, if my boyfriend doesnt love me the same as i love him?, if my friend was the malicious one as she had recently been through heart break and didnt like to see us being so happy?, I dont know what to do? I feel broken and empty and i need help.

This is the most f***ed up situation ive ever heard of/been in and I just dont know what to do.

Please help
connfusedgirlfriend
New Member

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Tue May 26, 2015 7:00 am

No it is not your fault.

It sounds like a bad combination of alcohol and mixed signals. Somewhere along the way your friend got the impression it was acceptable. It does not sound like she got the idea it was acceptable from you.

**Posts:** 11 · by **connfusedgirlfriend** » Wed May 27, 2015 12:21 am

Where do I go from here? Is that it? do I end it? I don't know what to do? An opinion even if I agree or not would be really helpful in this situation. I just don't know which way to turn.

**Posts:** 10 · by **shoeshoe29** » Thu Jun 18, 2015 10:46 pm

Hi. what they did was really wrong if u never agreed to do it, and if my fella and bff did that and it wasnt what i specifically said i was happy to do with them then i would cut his c**k off and ram it down her throat myself until she choked on it!!!
That being said.....alcohol can make us into virtual strangers, god knows ive done some daft things and acted like a complete nob wen I've drowned my body with its own weight in shots of sambucca and tequila and whatever else i drink that turns me into the biggest twat walking. Be reasonable over this....talk things through with them both, explain how their actions have hurt u, and dont forget that this would almost definitely not even have been a dot on the horizon had it not been for all the alcohol. Xxxx

**Posts:** 11 · by **connfusedgirlfriend** » Fri Jun 26, 2015 2:56 am

Hahahah that actually made me smile a lot. Thank you so much for your comment!

Its been a few weeks now and at first I really tried to suppress my feelings/ deal with them myself and so I sort of went about everything normally and everything was fine, for a while. Now I feel undervalued and just in a bit of a rut.

I feel like I cant talk about it because I played it off as being okay in the beginning, but now things that have happened years ago (he lied to me about sleeping with someone when we weren't together) are coming back and I'm just starting to hold grudges. If he does one little thing to annoy me I get drowned in sadness/anger of everything that has ever gone wrong rather than that one little thing and I just cant live like this.

I really don't know how to handle it. Its becoming a love hate thing and I think from little things building up the love and the hate I have towards him is at an equal. I'm really not happy and I am struggling to find ways of getting past this without just ending it. To me this is rather full on for a 21year old to be dealing with. I mean why would we not just snip it in the butt and call it quits? I'm really starting to questions everything, and I hate that, its like a black hole with no way out.

**Posts:** 549 · by **McCain** » Tue Jun 30, 2015 6:40 am

It is there between them. Sexual chemistry. This guy and her will eventually finish what they started. Sorry to say this, but this guy knew you girls were getting to drunk, he talked about it jokingly and he went for her without your involvement . He had intentions of doin her the whole time. He knew she was on the rebound and he knew you were throwing up sick. He was hoping you were passed out when they started the act.
Don't be a fool. FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS HERE.
I would forgive the both of them. Wish them well. And move gracefully forward.
Take it from me... this guy does not have your best interests in mind. If you let this situation linger, it's on you for not sticking up for yourself.
Agood man would have excused himself from the partying and took care of you once your got sick at the club. I know that doesn't sound fun, but that is what a gentleman would have done. Don't let an arrogant ego and hot looks frighten your ability to request only the best treatment from any man. You deserve to be treated with respect, don't accept less from anyone. If you were my daughter, I would have to hold it together knowing your not being cared for by your boyfriend. He wouldn't like me.
McCain

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Tue Jun 30, 2015 2:24 pm

connfusedgirlfriend wrote:...at first I really tried to suppress my feelings/ deal with them myself and so I sort of went about everything normally

I feel like I cant talk about it because I played it off as being okay in the beginning,

Leave the relationship.

You are a passive person. Whether it is intentional or unintentional, you are with a guy that takes advantage of your passive personality. Let me clarify. I do not think this guy has some devious plan or is a bad person. What I do think, is that you and he started dating, because all the other women shot him down and told him to move on. He then came across you and you accepted him, you did not tell him no, you did not set him straight, you were passive. This is perfect for him. He found a woman that would put up with him.

Don't beat yourself up. You are only 21 and plenty of people are passive. Plenty of people like to avoid confrontation. Learn from this. The main lesson is to learn that there are people that when they find a passive person they are attracted to them, because passive people put up with their behavior.

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