How fight this?

Good Morning GW,

Yeah, I did so well at the Math Table for my early morning session, that I thought I deserved a computer break. Yes, I think you got the point about women, that if you ever find a woman who makes you happy when she is with you, then you really don’t want to know what she does when she is not with you. The most you should ask a woman who is making you happy is “How was your day, Sweet Heart?” No prying into what they have been up to. If any of your terrible rotten friends come to you with rumors and gossip, just say “I’m sure it is all quite innocent, and I trust her implicitly”. Well, what you ‘trust’ is that when she is with you that she makes you happy. That is all you care about, isn’t it? Also, if you cut your Number One Woman a lot of slack, well, she might not look too closely at what you do when she is not around. You know, you won’t be inexperienced forever. Maybe you already know this, but the best part of being in love is falling in love, that is, the initial bonding stage. That is were all of the intensity is. It lasts about six months, if that long. After that, if you are lucky, you find that the person you bonded with is friendly, congenial and supportive, but very often the very person we were intensely in love with just months before becomes an irritant. But, in the wonderful cases where you still both like each other and get along well, there would still be the urge every few years to have some intense love affair. Now, often, idiots of both sexes will let a quick fling destroy their steady relationship, which might not be so bad if that relationship had gone sour, but if you like the person you are with, then you can never guarantee that the person you are having the steamy affair with will not actually be a nuisance after the Magic Six Months come to an end. Affairs don’t last. Love, that intense thing, does not last. That girl you are now pining over. That won’t last. So, anyway, since none of this stuff lasts anyway, if a woman is making you happy when she is with you, then you shouldn’t care about anything else.

But, there are dangerous women out there. You have to be careful in bars. There are some women who are waiting for their boyfriends to show up, who will start seriously flirting with guys because they enjoy seeing their boyfriends get jealous when they come in. And if it starts a fight, then these women enjoy watching their boyfriend kick the donkey of the guy they were just flirting with. The guys must somehow enjoy it too. Or probably it’s the fact that sometimes crazy chicks make guys act crazy. But if it ever happens to you, that is, you are the boyfriend, well, don’t let your girlfriend screw with your head. Just walk up and introduce yourself to the guy she was flirting with on the basis of ‘any friend of my girlfriend is a friend of mine’ (and he might actually be worth knowing if he is at all better than the rest of your loser friends). Girls can be fun, but not a one of them is worth fighting over… not when they are the ones who are trying to start the fights! But, yes, if you ever get caught in a situation with a jealous guy, where you are the poor guy the chick decided to sacrifice to her jealous boyfriend, well, the trick is to say something like “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize” and split… don’t even take your drink with you, because it would take too long to reach for it (Rule One in bars, at the first sign of trouble, WALK AWAY FROM YOUR DRINK. Many guys died because they somehow thought it work their lives to finish their friggin beer). You want to head for the door. If there is ‘Bouncer’ then immediately make eye contact with a look in your eye that says “I don’t want trouble, but just want to get the heck out of here without this guy killing me”. You see, sometimes these Jealous guys need a minute to work themselves up into a frenzy, and you want to be a mile down road by the time that happens.

Oh, about Gypsies, yes, it was absurd of me to ask if you ‘knew’ any. Nobody but another gypsy ever really knows a gypsy, as they really are so insular. Though I have heard that every once in a while some new blood will marry into a gypsy family. But, yes, they tend to have predatory relationships to the greater society they are in at the time. They like living in trailers so that they can quickly relocate if the town they are in ‘gets too hot’ for them. I was just using them as an example of a people who really know how to make adaptive personas work for them.

So, anyway, have a nice day GW.

Hi leo.
Thanks for this tips. I'll keep them like gold. Not much time ago, a chick kissed me, and her boyfriend came in the room in that moment, but he didn't say anything to me, just said "go faque yourself" to the girlfriend.
Yeah, I wish this being frustrated for that one is temporanery. Today they talked about her again, and one of her friend said that "she got destroyed for having sex".
I mean, you know that I felt so bad for her until yesterday; why you keeping tell to me that she is doing things with her mouth swallowing, or she got destroyed. I hope he does it innocently, but i can tell he lacks delicacy. Or maybe he thinks that I'm ok right now. But I don't think he doesn't know that I had trouble with her, talking about my erection.
I just don't talk in this case. Better don't do anything, right?

Also, now we had a night; and one of them (maybe the boss, if we can call him like this), disappeard suddenly. Now on the chat is telling that we were really rude 'cause "he just went away from a moment, and everybody went home and didn't look for him".
Now I didn't even answer, but christ, these.... idiots keep disappearing everytime. And it is supposed that I have to look for them everytime. But nobody had a trouble when they didn't even make or give me my birthday gift, while I'm putting money for every of them. Jesus christ, this being friendly and easy going is destroying me... I meant this when I said that someone can take advantage from this. They just don't care at all of many good things and get angry for one bad.
Saying "you are sweet" if I do something good, but then ready to slap my face for a little mistake.

How can't I hate the world? Heh... I suppose this is just a moment of anger.. and it will pass tomorrow.

The same dude really made me mad then... keeping saying that I'm not good with girls. Cause I didn't catch the chance with one, but I was dancing with her and when I tryed to kiss her, she just kept lifting her head, giving me headbutts ahah, then a dude, "her ex-" said if she can go out with him and she said yes.
And my friend was saying "you are sleeping. You didn't give to her your **ck so she gets another one".
No, you idiot, she just doesn't seem so interested in me, and probably used me to make her ex- jealous. Plus I have my trouble, and if she went out with him, means that she wanted to; and I could not take her for the hair and saying "No, stay here".
Why gay dudes thinks to know everything about women?
It is clear that they think I'm so stupid with girls. Or just want to help me, knowing that girl is having good times. They are not helping at all though.

Have a nice day, my friend.

Hi GW,
I like the story about the guy who came in while his girlfriend was kissing you and he just tells her to go faque herself. Good! That guy knows who’s to blame.

Oh, do young people still get married in your Country? I’ve read that all around the Western World that the rate of young people marrying is dropping, or they are postponing both marriage of having children. If that is the case, when people aren’t minding their business and are needling you about your success rate with the chicks, well, you can tell them that you really aren’t trying, because playing with chicks is like playing with fire. You can tell them that the moment you have a regular girlfriend they try to trick you into marrying them, and for right now you want your freedom, or you want to concentrate on your career, or whatever seems to fit. Yeah, its not the truth, but you should reserve the truth for your best friends, and not just everybody who butts into your business. It’s okay to blow them off with a story.

Oh, what do you mean that the girl was “destroyed” by sex. The way I understand the word “destroy” is that buildings or cities can be ‘destroyed’. Cars get ‘wrecked’. People get ‘ruined’, but, then again, I might not understand exactly what happened to the girl.

Now let me check the news. It’s the Weekend, so good luck out on the town.

Leo Volont wrote:Hi GW,
I like the story about the guy who came in while his girlfriend was kissing you and he just tells her to go faque herself. Good! That guy knows who’s to blame.

Hi leo!
Yeah, I like to think that some (not many unluckily) men are opening their eyes about these tricks.

Leo Volont wrote:Oh, do young people still get married in your Country?

Not much. Here marriages fail in 2-3 years, Italy is in crysis so people haven't money to spend for it. Then, marriage is something about religion, that, despite everything, is going to lose its believing. Less here, 'cause this is the country of the vatican. But the way is that.
Though, someone still wants to be married, like a warranty to get along with that person for ever.. thing that can't be happen, in my opinion.

Leo Volont wrote: when people aren’t minding their business and are needling you about your success rate with the chicks, well, you can tell them that you really aren’t trying, because playing with chicks is like playing with fire. You can tell them that the moment you have a regular girlfriend they try to trick you into marrying them, and for right now you want your freedom, or you want to concentrate on your career, or whatever seems to fit. Yeah, its not the truth, but you should reserve the truth for your best friends, and not just everybody who butts into your business. It’s okay to blow them off with a story.

Yeah, but they will never trust this, or they will think that I'm an inept. Just the fact that they is studying tricks to let me know girls, means that they believe I'm desperate. But I don't care at all, just don't annoying me then; like if I have to ended up something obbligatory.
For the rest, about the story of the offended dude, what do you say?

Leo Volont wrote:Oh, what do you mean that the girl was “destroyed” by sex. The way I understand the word “destroy” is that buildings or cities can be ‘destroyed’. Cars get ‘wrecked’. People get ‘ruined’, but, then again, I might not understand exactly what happened to the girl.

It was an hyperbole.
I think he meant that the girl had a lot of hardcore sex. That's all.

Yuh, I just sneezed something like 15 times in a row. I'm starting to lack health too eheheh. What a pitiful life.

Hi GW,

You sneezed? Well, “God Bless You” or “gesundheit” (in America they spell it ‘gasundite’). Actually, sneezes aren’t a health issue, but are probably indicative of a change in barometric pressure or temperature, which is why people often sneeze if there is a draft in the room.

GW, you worry too much about whether people actually believe you. Sometimes you simply need something to say, and everybody realizes that. So you say whatever is convenient. Hold yourself to the same standards that all your ‘friends’ hold themselves to, who, I am almost certain, do not go around as though they are constantly under oath to ‘tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth’. In America we have a quaint colloquial expression for such statements where you simply have to say something and so you draw on what is most convenient to say. When we hear somebody say something like that, we respond “oh, bullsh_t! But, so what? You only just have to shrug your shoulders. You don’t owe everybody the truth. But saying something when people are talking to you is better than going silent or to give them that stuffy and unfriendly “I chose not to talk about it”. Only people with big sticks up their butts say “I chose not to talk about it”. The more socially adaptive way of handling such situations is just to give a BS answer, and if you are ‘called’ on it, then just shrug your shoulders as a “well, I tried” gesture.

Besides, people generally love a little bit of mystery. You don’t want people to know everything about you. For instance, there was an interesting book by the writer Somerset Maugham (he was half English and half American, and yes, the English write better than Americans… or used to… today they all write like crap), “The Razor’s Edge” in which the hero would just show up at places and upon leaving would never give out his address. All of his friends found this quite mysterious. Even the reader found it quite mysterious. It added to the interest in the character. So, yeah, being a bit mysterious wouldn’t hurt you.

Oh. So the girl was only having a lot of sex and you used the word “destroyed” to describe it. Wow! No wonder you can’t get a hard on. You must think that sex is really really a terrible thing. I remember at College, that if we ever heard a guy criticize one of the gals for anything in regards to her being free and easy sexually, we would take him aside and ask him ‘what the heck does he think he is doing? Girls being free sexually IS A GOOD THING. If you criticize them for it, then that is only likely to inhibit them, no? and who wants that?” So, especially for a guy like you who is looking for his first ‘lay’, you should think it is a great thing that you know a girl who is so free and easy about stuff like that. Who knows, you might get lucky. But not if you have it in the back of your mind that sex ‘destroys’ people. Yeah, they might feel a little raw and tender in the morning and walk a little funny for a while, but nothing breaks off. If they were looking for some fun found some fun, then that is a good thing, isn’t it? But, I’m an anger volunteer. You really need to see a sex specialist… or an older woman.

Well, have a nice day, GW. I got to get back to the Math Table.

Hi Leo.

I didn't used the term "destroyed", that dude did. Here it is used just to say that a girl has so much sex that, as an hyperbole, her body get destroyed. But that just means she enjoy her much and hard sex. Nothing else.
I didn't think that sex is dangerous.
Being free sexually is a good thing? On the right paper yes, but in the other hand, no. Because they just have sex with who deserve it (for them) and here girls are really pretentious. Then there are cases when she is better than him, but as you said, girls look for the top, so that story can't last long.

In conclusion, they talk about her in front of me, I don't know if they do this on purpose or not; but sure is that it annoys me. But I don't say anything, it is right like this. I mean, I did the first mistake; my moral job is do not chase her anymore; even 'cause i put my own pride and dignity under my feet sometimes with her; letting her see how much desperate i'm.
So, this time she don't want to talk to me anymore? Ok.
But as I said, i'm so jealous that she is dating really good guys, while I'm getting nothing. But well, life's working in this way for women.

Yes, I like put mistery on me, just 'cause I know that if people know just the half of what i said here, they won't want to be "my friends" anymore. But at long time they just can immagine what's going on, and I lose points to their eyes. I suppose, you and others said that I focus too much in mental trip that sometimes (not always) bring to nothing. Maybe this is one of that situation, but I don't think so.

Have a nice day. What are your times? I noticed that you answer me at night (my night), my gmt is +2.

Hi GW, Oh, okay, all the 'destroyed' stuff was a misunderstanding and now I know perfectly well what you meant. The word 'destroyed' was used as in the context of being 'wasted' on drugs or alcohol or anything of that sort. I should have known it. It been a while since I use such colloquial terms on a day by day basis, but I should have remembered.

Yeah, today she is saying that she had a kind of sadomasochistic sex with this hot dude, so I can confirm the friend used that term to say hardcore sex.
She's really pissing me off. I hope she'll come back one day just to say "faque you, you trashbag"; but I know It won't happen, she can get whoever she wants. Even if for the most she's ugly.

Hi GW,

Its a shame you waste so much time thinking about one unattainable woman. Its really a waste of time and mental energy. but that is what young men do. The bright side is that while you are thinking about the unattainable, it will keep you safe from all the women who would love to trap you. Oh, this is a personal question, but the answer could be very informative, but what kind of a job do you have? Yes, I read the Newspapers and Italy is going through some problems, and so of course not everybody has a wonderful job, which is generally the case whenever a Country has any problem, as most the time ALL problems are problems of Wages and Employment. Really, in many cases the available girls may just be cruising around looking for guys with money to spend on them. And, yes, the ugly girls must realize that if they are not really easy on the eyes, then they have to 'do something' to make them worth spending money on.

Good morning, Leo.

I'm starting to worry about me. My mood goes up and down all the day, for a different reasons. Yesterday night I went out with my friends, but after a bit I started to be really bored, starting to play with my phone, and listening again that the girl is "destroyed" doesn't help. Yeah, 'cause they did it again... mh, no, i wanna still think that they guess that I don't care anymore (how it should be right), and so they talk without thinking. At least, I can't pretend that they know I'm so socially and emotionally broken, even if I think there are many proofs of this. They just don't care maybe.
This morning I felt bad too.. Now i'm ok. Don't know why, maybe returning home help me to cool down, after all I waited for so long to the labor unions.
Mh, yesterday someone noticed that I was not in a good mood, but.. be easy going, right? I told him that I was fine.

Back to you:

Leo Volont wrote:Hi GW,

Its a shame you waste so much time thinking about one unattainable woman. Its really a waste of time and mental energy. but that is what young men do. The bright side is that while you are thinking about the unattainable, it will keep you safe from all the women who would love to trap you.

Why unattainable?
Just 'cause she do not want come back with me.
I mean.. many dudes she is not that good.. she looks like a lesbian, in a bad way. But I'm fond of her; I don't know the reason, even if sometimes I acted in order to hurt her, or forget her.
Now she discovered her "woman potential" and goes on dating apps taking all hot guys she wants. I tried many dating apps and never found something; except for the shame to be rejected.
Now she's dating with two different guys; while she left me just cause I gave just a kiss to another one. Maybe there were other reasons, or maybe she is incoerent, as many. I shouldn't be surprised.
When I will can put the word "stop" on this? Maybe when my head will be taken by something else that i really care.

Leo Volont wrote:Oh, this is a personal question, but the answer could be very informative, but what kind of a job do you have? Yes, I read the Newspapers and Italy is going through some problems, and so of course not everybody has a wonderful job, which is generally the case whenever a Country has any problem, as most the time ALL problems are problems of Wages and Employment. Really, in many cases the available girls may just be cruising around looking for guys with money to spend on them. And, yes, the ugly girls must realize that if they are not really easy on the eyes, then they have to 'do something' to make them worth spending money on.

Oh, I started working last year. I worked to a company that builds freezers, bar counters and showcases for frozen foods. I never had a precise position, they just put me where there was need, or better, they put me out where there wasn't need.
I worked hardly for 5 months. Then 2 months of nothing, then another 2 months, then 5 months of nothing, then another 2 months. I finished last 30th june. Now I asked for the unemployment so I get something even if I can't foun any work.
Now I wanna take july as an holiday month, even 'cause i have that psychiatric stuff, and a visit for my surgey project. Then I'll start to look for a job in August. But yeah, here it is really hard, talking about jobs.

In Italy, not so many, young chicks look for money. Sure some does, that girls did. Once I accused her 'cause I felt myself like a plucked chicken; she is still angry for that. But then even her friends said that she was with her ex 'cause money.
But here, anyway, having money is a plus with girls, it is not a strong required standard. Here, at least; maybe in other regions is different. I don't know, I will check.
But still, many girls are attracted to dudes that haven't a job; just 'cause they are hot.

Uff, yesterday I had a little fall, and I got mad with my best friend.
If the discussion will come out again today, I will say sorry.

Guess what? wrote:Uff, yesterday I had a little fall, and I got mad with my best friend.
If the discussion will come out again today, I will say sorry.

Hi GW,

No, don't wait for the subject to come up. the damage is already done, and so now it is time for Damage Control. You need to apologize and make it up to the guy somehow. Be extra nice to him. If he asks for anything, you say "is that all?" and you do whatever he wants. If such actions are not good for anything else, they will help to teach you not to screw up in the first place.

But, yes, it is good that you are trying. As I said earlier, in the beginning you are just starting to correct all the bad mental and behavioral habit you have developed in your... I was going to say "lifetime", but the word for you is "childhood". but it is still a lot of stuff, and it will take you a while before you make any sizable dent in all of those bad habits. Really, at the six month mark you should notice that at least you will be getting used to the new program.

Oh, I had a dream the other night where I was back in my old family home (where I lived when I was a kid) and I was planning this big social event, and my mother approached me and started to tell me quietly and thoughtfully that some of the neighbors had such and such reasons to be hesitant about what I was planning, and then, just like I was a stupid unruly teenager again, I talked back to my mother and was very dismissive of what she was telling me. Well, when I woke up I instantly did a Review and Revise on all of that. So, yes, you can even practice Anger Management in your dreams. Oh, and yes, never use your dreams as an excuse for inappropriate behavior. Your Dreams are formative of who you are under the surface, and so any bad behavior you encourage in your dreams will be the same kind of bad behavior you will have to fight to control when you are awake. If you can control the bad behavior first in your dreams, then it won't be a problem when you are awake.

Keep up the good work.

Good afternoon, Leo.

Well, I didn't do a big damage. Pratically the girl (now she talks to me again) kissed him with the tounge in front of me. Ok, he's gay but he know how bad I feel about all this.
Before that he was saying that I deserve to be left. I mean, he clearly lit the fuse.
But nevermind, I didn't do drama, and once in car for backing home, I said i was not really angry with him.
Just like I said, when people see that you lift down your head, they feel the power, they think they are the strong piece and take advantage; but he is my best friend, he won't do.

EDIT: In fact, he is saying that he is sorry, 'cause if I would have kissed his ex, that makes him pissed off; so he is saying that he was wrong.

Anyway, about anger, I don't feel at all this pressure on the jaw... mostly is like a spiral inside my head and on all my face. Then the mouth just starts to talk. xD

This thing about dreams sounds strange. I don't know how dreams work; but thanks for the tip. Anyway many times i don't even remember my dreams so i don't think I will have this kind of problem. ahaha.

Have a nice day, Leo.

Hi GW,

Oh, okay, you already apologized, But your idea that people will somehow take advantage of you if you show weakness, well, that has to stop. Nobody is taking your wallet, or hitting you over the head with a bat. At worst they are trying to start some drama of their own by "pushing your button"... "screwing with your head". They only would do that because you have a long history of being fun in that way. As soon as you establish yourself as "easy going" and unflappable then it won't be fun anymore. You see, "easy going" people do not have buttons. Stop thinking in terms of the Old You and start thinking in terms of the New You. Oh! Get over that slutty girl that you are still carrying a torch for. Look! You let her cause trouble between you and your friend. She's not worth that.

Oh! So you get angry and talk loud without first experiencing any tightness in your jaw muscles. Wow! That knocks a hole in a what I thought was a pretty good theory. But you say, apparently, that your face goes flush. Well, there, work with that, or whatever else you remember feeling just before you blow your top. Let that be your Warning sign, and then what you do is you do Whole Body Relaxations, and yes, relax you mouth anyway and take a few breaths through your mouth, and then DON'T SAY ANYTHING that you don't think through first. But, yes, keep an eye on the phenomena and keep me informed. I might have to change what I am telling people, so take notes so I know what to say for now on.

Hi Leo!

You know, when I say that I mean that my mother and my sister, when I admit that I'm wrong they start to say something like "You need a mental cure" "You see? I was right, like always" so... they are actually take advantage from this.
Others can do this, I had a school mate and he acted same.

So my being easy going if I'm wrong is: say sorry, being friendly, and if I can, offer a drink or something like that. But in the moment I show I'm sorry: stop; I did my part, I cannot let others feed my guilty feelings. And yeah, they did, that chick did in my opinion.
About that girl, I'm not letting her cause trouble with my friend; but my friend sometimes does things that annoying me; and he knows that. Yeah, easy going, but when it happens once, then twice,then third... well.
I don't even talk much with his ex-crushes, while he kisses mine. I mean, come on, I cannot expect that he "hates" who I "hate"; but emotions exists, I have them, and you can understand this; even because I was talking about it 1 hour ago.
I acted bad -but still, i just said that fact annoyed me, nothing more- , but he could avoid that. He could for sure, and what makes it worse? Saying that was nothing, like if nothing happened. No, if it hurts me it is not "nothing".
Well, he was drunk, it was a little kiss, i just had a little mental fall, now I'm okay.

Well, I wasn't really mad. I think it was what you said at the start: just frustration.
Yeah, on the chart I know i have to shut up, but just sometimes i cannot control it. Like my stupid puns. :p