I would like some advice...
[sorry for the long initial post, I've never discussed this before and once I started it just kept on coming]
I think I had been suffering from depression to varying degrees since quite an early age, I remember what I would call my first real depressive episode at about 14 - I am now 29 - but it is only over the last 7 years or so that this has become gradually worse with darker and longer periods from which to recover. Over those years I have tried various self help methods: good eating, exercise, meditation, various books, internet sites etc. etc. but last year things seemed to go into a spiral and my gradual loss of confidence in myself, my opinions and thoughts, accelerated.
I'm actually quite comfortable and, from the outside at least, have nothing to be depressed about! But, after getting to the stage of quite serious suicidal thoughts this time last year I went to see my doctor who prescribed prozac which I took for about 4 months. In that time I changed jobs, which seemed to be a catalyst for my problems, and things began to look up, my confidence increased and I began to feel more positive.
Unfortunately this hasn't lasted and I can feel myself sliding again to how I was before. The loss of motivation, worthlessness and lack of personal value.
I don't know if the feeling of controlling depression is the same for others, but for me it is like a constant fight without a day's respite. Always feeling you are close to going down a pit and having to fight anything from a minor skirmish to a major battle to get away from it - sometimes succeeding, sometimes not. I once described how I felt to someone close to me who has what I would call a normal sunny disposition, I then asked them how often they felt this way; the answer was something like "once a month for an hour or so". When I realised my score was at least 4 days out of 5 overall I was shocked that someone could feel like I could on a GREAT day pretty much of all the time!
I have decided to go and see my doctor again tomorrow and ask for more treatment, I don't want to take any more drugs this time around - we are not there yet! But hope for something with a longer term outcome. I think this thing has to come from me in the end, with some help from others.
But...
Finally, I get around to my questions: Every day it seems I am engaged in this fight with my depression, constantly bringing myself back from that place, to a greater or lesser extent. Is this the best I can expect for the rest of my life or is there the possibilty of a long term solution to better my 4 out of 5 average? It seems a very tiring way to live.
And, what can I do to help myself - I seem to have tried a lot of stuff, but I've never asked advice about it before. Any suggestions from the veterans out there?
Is this the best I can expect?
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by kfedouloff » Thu May 13, 2004 10:02 am
Hi Albert
Welcome to the forum! I hope you have looked about, and in particular have taken a look at the Depression Learning Path.
I would say that your experience of the endless battle to stay out of the pit is shared by many others who struggle with depression. It sounds like you have made lots of effort to help yourself, and it must be very discouraging to feel that you are not getting very far with it. The one thing you don't mention is whether you have sought any help from a therapist. Medication can help in a number of ways, but has not been shown to help people deal with the thinking styles that seem to be part and parcel of depression, and thinking about one's own thinking style is a serious challenge! Having the help of an outside party can be invaluable when you want to be able to see your difficulties in a new light.
It IS possible to learn different ways of dealing with the challenges that you face, and it is not at all unrealistic to think that you can improve on your 4 out of 5 average.
You mention that you have tried quite a few books - I wonder if you have looked at Dorothy Rowe's book "Breaking the Bonds"? It is very good indeed!
And there is nothing like participating in a forum where you can pick up tips and support from others who are facing similar difficulties to you, so stay on board!
Kathleen
Welcome to the forum! I hope you have looked about, and in particular have taken a look at the Depression Learning Path.
I would say that your experience of the endless battle to stay out of the pit is shared by many others who struggle with depression. It sounds like you have made lots of effort to help yourself, and it must be very discouraging to feel that you are not getting very far with it. The one thing you don't mention is whether you have sought any help from a therapist. Medication can help in a number of ways, but has not been shown to help people deal with the thinking styles that seem to be part and parcel of depression, and thinking about one's own thinking style is a serious challenge! Having the help of an outside party can be invaluable when you want to be able to see your difficulties in a new light.
It IS possible to learn different ways of dealing with the challenges that you face, and it is not at all unrealistic to think that you can improve on your 4 out of 5 average.
You mention that you have tried quite a few books - I wonder if you have looked at Dorothy Rowe's book "Breaking the Bonds"? It is very good indeed!
And there is nothing like participating in a forum where you can pick up tips and support from others who are facing similar difficulties to you, so stay on board!
Kathleen
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by Albert » Thu May 13, 2004 10:26 am
Hi Kathleen
Thanks for your comments. I'm pleased to hear that I should be able to improve on my 4/5 average with the right approach.
I have not yet tried therapy, and it is this subject I will be raising when I see my doctor today. I definately want to find a longer term solution and am keen to explore this option though I have heard that a drug/therapy combination is usually the most successful route to take?
Thanks also for your book recommendation, I have not yet read this book. Most of my reading has been from local libraries and by default you would expect the good ones to be gone!
I hope that I will be able to find some new ways of dealing with my challenges, unfortunately the well trodden path is always the easiest to travel and is sounds as though breaking from this is a difficult and common issue for depression sufferers.
I will certainly hang around the forum. As I mentioned, this is the first time I have started to talk about this and the format certainly makes it much easier. The replies I have had so far have been very positive: depression is I think a very lonely and personal thing; just to know there are others in a similar predicament (no one knows how I feel!! etc. - WRONG) is very supportive.
Thanks!
Thanks for your comments. I'm pleased to hear that I should be able to improve on my 4/5 average with the right approach.
I have not yet tried therapy, and it is this subject I will be raising when I see my doctor today. I definately want to find a longer term solution and am keen to explore this option though I have heard that a drug/therapy combination is usually the most successful route to take?
Thanks also for your book recommendation, I have not yet read this book. Most of my reading has been from local libraries and by default you would expect the good ones to be gone!
I hope that I will be able to find some new ways of dealing with my challenges, unfortunately the well trodden path is always the easiest to travel and is sounds as though breaking from this is a difficult and common issue for depression sufferers.
I will certainly hang around the forum. As I mentioned, this is the first time I have started to talk about this and the format certainly makes it much easier. The replies I have had so far have been very positive: depression is I think a very lonely and personal thing; just to know there are others in a similar predicament (no one knows how I feel!! etc. - WRONG) is very supportive.
Thanks!
by Roger Elliott » Fri May 14, 2004 7:52 am
I have heard that a drug/therapy combination is usually the most successful route to take
Hi Albert
Although individual cases require individual treatment, most depression responds extremely well to the right sort of therapy. As you will see in the Depression Learning Path, as mentioned by Kathleen above, the wrong kind can make depression worse.
You will also read in the Learning Path of large-scale studies that show that good therapy is the best treatment for depression. Get back to us once you have had a chance to go through it and let us know what you think.
All the best
Roger
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by Albert » Mon May 17, 2004 4:28 pm
Thanks for putting me onto the depression learning path, it has been very useful. Some of the content about depression cause and effect will take me a while to adjust to as it is in marked contrast to much of the other information I have read!
If correct, it is clear that I need to learn a new thinking style in order to deal with this long term. The question is: HOW? I'm sure for many members, like me, with limited funds/available resources or simply embarrassment/shyness/official denial about their condition self help is a priority rather than going for a form of therapy (a prospect which now makes me nervous after reading through the learning path!) or drug taking. And I'm sure, like me, many members have come up with their own ways of coping, but what about those self help methods?
For me structure is vital in any self help, without it I quickly fall by the wayside and am back where I started or worse. One technique I am interested in trying to alter those depressive thinking styles of mine is self hypnosis. This seems to carry structure and be potentially rapid. Is this recommended? Can it work? and if all of the above carry a yes - how do I get started?
If correct, it is clear that I need to learn a new thinking style in order to deal with this long term. The question is: HOW? I'm sure for many members, like me, with limited funds/available resources or simply embarrassment/shyness/official denial about their condition self help is a priority rather than going for a form of therapy (a prospect which now makes me nervous after reading through the learning path!) or drug taking. And I'm sure, like me, many members have come up with their own ways of coping, but what about those self help methods?
For me structure is vital in any self help, without it I quickly fall by the wayside and am back where I started or worse. One technique I am interested in trying to alter those depressive thinking styles of mine is self hypnosis. This seems to carry structure and be potentially rapid. Is this recommended? Can it work? and if all of the above carry a yes - how do I get started?
by Michael Lank » Mon May 17, 2004 4:57 pm
Hi Albert,
It's great that you have the flexibility to consider something that is a marked contrast to what you used to believe.
It can be really helpful just to notice that what you were doing before wasn't working and that it's time to try something different.
One book that I found interesting is Martin Seligman's Learned Optimism, which shows very clearly the importance of thinking style is and also includes a section called 'Changing: Pessimism to Optimism.'
He has a website at http://www.authentichappiness.com/, which has some questionnaires, but not much in the way of self help, as it's promoting his new book, which I haven't read!
Best wishes
It's great that you have the flexibility to consider something that is a marked contrast to what you used to believe.
It can be really helpful just to notice that what you were doing before wasn't working and that it's time to try something different.
One book that I found interesting is Martin Seligman's Learned Optimism, which shows very clearly the importance of thinking style is and also includes a section called 'Changing: Pessimism to Optimism.'
He has a website at http://www.authentichappiness.com/, which has some questionnaires, but not much in the way of self help, as it's promoting his new book, which I haven't read!
Best wishes
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by mbavon » Tue Jun 29, 2004 6:21 pm
Albert your experience with depression seems similar to mine.I am trying a new therapist starting tomorrow. I hope it will make a difference. Depression seems like it will never go away. I did have some years symptom free so deep down I believe it is possible again. I long to feel pleasure in my life again. I hate that almost everything I do seems to be a huge, meantally daunting task..even the simple things in life like reading a newspaper.
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