by protanther » Wed Jul 13, 2016 1:30 am
Alright so -
I realize that this thread is nearly a year old, but I felt compelled to contribute a bit of something on the off chance that the user might check in. First and foremost, it appears as though most of the replies on this board are centered around personal, emotional reactions to the statement. More of a "I am feeling angry because you are feeling this way", as opposed to actually attempting to provide useful replies. Making a statement which regards to a desire to inflict pain is controversial and the difficulty in posting something of this nature must be acknowledged. Rather than pursuing the topic with angry comments discussing how personally offended you are, it would be better to actually strive towards providing something of use.
Now -
krystab,
There are a few things you must consider in your situation, given that the circumstances are still the same. You stated that you have urges, but lack remorse in the act. The desire to inflict pain on others, animals in specific, is often (not always, mind you) correlated with past trauma. "And the littlest one kicked the cat". It is not at all uncommon for those who feel unable to address their situation, children especially, to take out bent up pain and anger on someone, or something, smaller than themselves.
Self-diagnosing being a danger in itself, I would first and foremost recommend consulting with a specialist - not simply a handful of users with "back-alley knowledge". There could be serious psychological issues involved and if you are thinking of delving deeper into them, you are highly recommended to do so under professional care. As for what can be done in the meantime, distancing yourself from the animal may be best. It may well be that the feelings of enjoyment, or desire to inflict, will ebb with time - but it is best not to count entirely on this.
To sum things up -
The fact that you have posted on this forum leads one to believe that there is, at least to some degree, a desire to resolve the conflict at hand. However, seeing as there may be delicate matters and complexities entwined within, it is highly recommended that you engage a professional.
Best wishes be with you.