How fight this?

Good Evening Guess What,

You're still doing it! Your defending the Person you are who is making you miserable. When your mother and your sister, God Bless them, say you need a Mental Cure, well, don't you? Why are you fighting them. Why are you taking offense? You should be agreeing with them. Say, "yeah, I'm working on it. I got a few self help books in the mail. You guys have any ideas". Instead, you encourage an Internal Dialogue that tells yourself how hurt and offended you are. You need to start stepping in and changing the way you think. Rethink the way you are used to thinking. Its not serving a purpose. Now as for your stupid low life friends, well, if that is the kind of people you want to hang around with because it is so terrible to be alone and read a book, then you have to get into a mental place where you don't give a damn what those idiotic clowns do. Think about how stupid you are to care about anything that those morons do or say? You should walk around with an easy going grin on your face and smile at all of their antics like you are the only human being in the room and they are all just a bunch of frisky circus animals frisking with each other. Nothing they say or do should matter to you one way or another. If you should care, then only care insofar as you can figure out how to manipulate them. You know how they have been screwing with your head? Well, you have been like a Chess Player that has only been on the defense, making counter moves. If you can depersonalize all of this and calm down and think, then you can turn the tables and figure out how to screw with them, manipulate them. But, perhaps, these people already realize that nothing any of their stupid friends say matters. Maybe they are already immune, the way you should be. Stop letting yourself think as though you are being insulted and victimized all the time. The trick to being easy going is to just stop caring. No one is making you feel hurt and victimized. You are doing all of that yourself. Shakespeare, the English Dante, had said "nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so". You're biggest problem is how you think about things.

I honestly don't want to hear you self justifying anymore. You cannot progress with your New Self if you are constantly defending the old. You know, if you want, there are probably a lot of websites where you can go and cry about how everybody is mean to you and get a lot of sympathy. But if you are here, then get serious about the program.

Now as for your stupid low life friends, well, if that is the kind of people you want to hang around with because it is so terrible to be alone and read a book, then you have to get into a mental place where you don't give a damn what those idiotic clowns do.

With all of the words exchanged between the two of you (sorry, I've not read a large number of the words), I don't know if this had been said before.

If it hasn't, this should have been said right off the bat. Anytime I see GW muse about the actions of those moving objects (his so-called friends), I wonder why he doesn't just move on.

Hi Leo!

Well, they don't say that for my problems, they mean I'm stupid. It is clear that they are offensive, explaining that "i'm working on it", like if I have really mental problem (and probably I have) will put gasoline on fire; and they say "you think you have problem? Then you really are stupid". Already tried.
Bending the head to insults; this is what I meant untill now.
I think I'm offended 'cause that are offensive words lol, said in a moment where I wanna be 'easy going'.
But ok, I will try.

Ok, I will not care on what they are saying or doing, but well, "embarassment" exists, and they embarass me sometimes, like when I told you about the one who think they know everything about women and I'm an idiot. If he is saying that girl wants me and I didn't move... come on, he can't say it without an evil goal; can't deny this.
If you are saying that I have to not care, ok, i'll do. But saying that they are not always evil and I'm just touchy (and I'm, but not always) I think it is an exaggeration.
Today I sent a message to a girl who I like; we met saturday night. She doesn't answer, so it is not evil and she does not give a faque about me, but I think that? Mh.

I already tried other forum, but well, in fact they are just for crying and not attacking the problem.

quietvoice wrote:With all of the words exchanged between the two of you (sorry, I've not read a large number of the words), I don't know if this had been said before.

If it hasn't, this should have been said right off the bat. Anytime I see GW muse about the actions of those moving objects (his so-called friends), I wonder why he doesn't just move on.

What do you mean?

Guess what? wrote:What do you mean?

Why do you hang out with and give your attention to (or have thinking about) these people you label friends?

I have only them.
And their lifestyle allow me to know many girls and do many life experience, never happened before.
Now don't missunderstand me, that guy that talk to me about girls probably was just scolding me 'cause he believes too much in me, but it is embarassing as well.

Hello, I'm back.

I'm still doing good, and well, things are static.
So, a few days ago I had a car accident. The dude in front of me wanted to perform an U-turn and I had to brake suddenly. The dude and I were safe, but well, the car behind me didn't do the same and hit my car.
So, that was my parents' car, so I went out from the car in the panic, but I remained calm, and the girl who drove the car which hit me, was too much amused with her friends. I just stay mostly shut but sure those 4 stupid amused girls were triggering me, but I stayed calm, and "easy going".

I thought maybe the girl felt bad, so I said to her that I was sorry for the fact that the accident was forced due of the idiot who was in front of me (obviously that dude went away), and so she wasn't in the wrong. I didn't find the paper for the accident, my parents didn't answer to the phone, her mother said to her to let me her number.

So, i contacted her the next day for having her personal datas, she said ok, that she would have sent me them on whatsapp, but then nothing arrived. Instead she called me, saying that she didn't want to let me her datas anymore, and she would give me them in the case if we wanted to do the amicable accident, but she would sign it only if we were agree about we both had the blame.
Of course I didn't accept it, and she didn't send me her datas yet. I proceeded with the complaint to my insurance (I took her car license plate)

Now, there is even the possibility that I won't win this since there wasn't witnesses for me, while she has 3 of them. No pics (my bad), no video, etc. It was my first accident, with car which wasn't mine and my parents are tormenting me in these days, I was in panic and i didn't think about many things.
But when I talk about people who want to take advantage frome being kind, i mean this. This b**ch, or her parents, noticed that I was in panic and I was "easy going" and she tried to minimize the price she had to pay, giving to me a part of the blame that I have for nothing. And honestly I would not be surprised if she will say the false, with her friends.
My friends, family, etc are saying that I'm so stupid and too kind.

I can't control my anger yet. I had not fight with anyone but some situations still make me mad and I complain about them with others, just one time. At the end they do the same with me.

Plus, it was said that i have to accept women behavior.
That i dont want to know what they do when they are with others.
So it happened that i was with a girl and a gay friend ask me if he could kiss her (i think she wanted to kiss him too) I said yes, cause i don't care that much, there is a bond yet, and that dude was ugly.

But if i cared about her, what should i do?

Hi Guess What,

Yes, you handled yourself very well in a crisis situation. You did amazingly well. A car accident can test us all. But, honestly, you should never have told her it was not her fault. After all, if you were paying attention to the sudden erratic behavior of the driver ahead who suddenly did a U-turn and you were able to react, then anybody behind you following at a proper safe distance should have been able to correctly react also (what exactly happened? Did he move to dividing center lane before attempting his U-Turn, or did he just slow down in the traffic lane directly in front of you?). Really, if you were hit from behind, then the generally accepted rule, in America anyway, is that the fault is 100% that of the driver from behind. Drivers are supposed to follow at a "safe distance" which means that if you slam on your brakes with absolutely no warning, such as in the case of an emergency, then the following driver should also be able to slam on their brakes and stop in time. That is simple Safe Driving. In America they call following too close "tail gating". Tail gating is wrong and so it is never an excuse for hitting the car in front.

Do you have a lawyer? Oh, anytime you are hit from behind and it is not your fault (and as I said, it is never your fault when you are hit from behind), you should always make a stop at the local hospital and insist on an examination. The insurance will pay for it, and it will give the insurance company a bargaining chip should it go to court. But, yes, what could her three friends possible say? That you were driving backwards, backing up in the middle of the road, and they could not get our of your way before you hit them? Oh, were there skid marks? You should have taken pictures of your skid marks, and of hers. Doesn't everybody carry cameras around constantly these days?(cell phones). In America we would have a Traffic Cop arrive at the scene and take down a "report" (and take photos of skid marks and damage), and the report would become available in a few days and then you could send that to your insurance company. But, in your Country, do people just have accidents and then drive away? Maybe in your country the Insurance allows for that. In some states in the United States, they have "No Fault Insurance", whereby if you get in an accident, then your insurance company pays for your damages and your injuries, and the other person's insurance company pays for their damages and their injuries, and if you don't have good insurance, well, that is your own fault. But many states still like taking everything to court, which makes me suspect that the lawyers get in the way of the legislatures making sensible laws.

But, yes, Guess What, you did really well. But don't second guess yourself. The Girl is not screwing you over because you are a Nice Guy. After a car accident she would screw over anybody, from the Pope to the Devil himself. That is just how many people handle car accidents. Blame the other Driver. Do you honestly think she wouldn't be trying to screw you over if you were rude, mean and nasty tough guy!? Honestly, she would be even worse!, don't you think? Now I am sure that she feels guilty and wishes that her family wasn't making her do all of this. Remember, she is just a chick. She is going to do what people tell her to do. In fact, most people do what people tell them to do. Honestly, if you look at the state of Humanity then it seems almost ridiculous to expect Moral Responsibility from people. You can only expect Moral Responsibility from people with College Degrees in Sociology or whatever. But generally people are confused and will do what their friends and family tell them, and they are confused to, but that does not keep them from giving stupid advice.
Anyway, if you see her again, continue to be polite. So how her parents (or lawyer) are making her handle this should not effect your relationship with the girl. Heck, you met a new girl! Don't waste it. She might be okay after all this has been taken care of. You don't want to suddenly start acting 'tough' and make her think "I thought he was a nice guy and now he is acting like a prick like everyone else".

But, yes, I am proud of you. You did really well. Just stop second guessing yourself whenever you actually live the way you should be living. Really, I can only imagine how grateful all those girls were (and a car accident is difficult for anybody to handle) that you did not flip out and make some angry scene. They must have thought you were a very civilized gentleman. You could not have possibly made a better impression on them. Stop second guessing yourself. You did Great!

Hi Leo.

Well, it is late now, all the things you said I heard them from someone else; but now it is late. For the next time I will keep them in mind. The dude probably was following another car, the first one had to get the wrong way, so he braked suddenly, and the other dude did the same, and I did it too.
I said that just to be gentle. I meant that morally she wasn't in wrong, of course then if she hit me from behind, she had the fault. So she tried to use those words against me, but with calm I replyed that I meant morally, and I didn't hit the car in front of me, while she did it. So she wasn't keeping a proper safe distance like you said, or she just didn't keep attention on the street.

But I wasn't talk about this. She refused to give her datas to me, but I found her anyway. The car was under the name of her mother, so i checked the woman on facebook, then i found her husband, and with the second name I found her. She doesn't understand that if she doesn't open her a*s in her purpose I'm going to open wide it without her permission (I like this phrase xD). Tomorrow I have to let the car checked.

No, i have not pictures, i was in panic and I didn't thought about it. She took one of my car, probably her mother said to her to do it. Anyway I don't think there are cameras there, or if yes, the videos are deleted in few day (and I had the accident on saturday 2 a.m. so the assurance wasn't even open). Yeah, italy sucks for these and other things.

But, yes, I am proud of you. You did really well. Just stop second guessing yourself whenever you actually live the way you should be living. Really, I can only imagine how grateful all those girls were (and a car accident is difficult for anybody to handle) that you did not flip out and make some angry scene. They must have thought you were a very civilized gentleman. You could not have possibly made a better impression on them. Stop second guessing yourself. You did Great!

I hope so, they was laughing like stupid chickens; I don't understand if i'm that much source of fun.
Like you said, there's not good things or bad things, but just the way we feel them. I'm wondering if she feel my refuse to take an half of the fault like a rude and bad action. xD

By the way, yes, like i said I'm doing good right now. Well, people in first appearance are describing me like timid, boring, and so; but I guess it is for other reasons. Being "easy going" can't have something to do with this.
Anyway, about the second post?

You are obviously the kind of guy that is predisposed towards liking women, so you really should be a little more accepting of their chronic behaviors.

Plus, it was said that i have to accept women behavior.
That i dont want to know what they do when they are with others.
So it happened that i was with a girl and a gay friend ask me if he could kiss her (i think she wanted to kiss him too) I said yes, cause i don't care that much, there is a bond yet, and that dude was ugly.

But if i cared about her, what should i do?

In the end yesterday I was in a stressful situation.
First 'cause a female one of them started to say that I have been a b**ch because the girl with whom I (tried to) have sex didn't write to me yet. Actually we talked, i wrote to her days ago but chatting with her is like chatting with a wall.
Then another one, that wasn't my friend at all, noticed that I don't smoke, and I don't drink alcohool, so he said that if I don't smoke, i don't drink and i don't have sex then my life is boring (like if the fact that i'm a human waste is written on my face). I don't even reply on this stupid accusations, but really some people want to show to the others how stronger and divas they are.

Hi Guess What,

Oh, don't worry about it when people are laughing in high stress situations, because that is how many people process the stress, especially girls, but often young men (for instance, it is typical for young men in court to sit giggling, even when they are about to be sent away to prison). Under extreme stress most people will either cry, scream, cuss, or laugh. Oh, that reminds me... when we were speaking of Cortisol, you said that your jaws muscles do not tighten and you do not clench your teeth, but that your face goes flush. You blush. That is not the same as Cortisol. Anyway, when you get angry do you ever cuss and swear, stomp your feet, bang things with your fist? That is Anger being fueled by Cortisol. But,yes, like I say, a few people know how to shut down the Cortisol Stress reaction so that no matter how intense a situation, they will be able to remain calm.

Do you avoid the other parts on purpose or don't you have the time to reply to the entire post? xD

Anyway yes, sometimes when I'm angry I punch walls, table, things in general. Indeed, my friends joke on me as "the dude who punches walls when he is drunk"; but actually I do that when I'm angry in general, as I said in the first post, when i'm drunk repressed anger comes out.
Today I let the car checked by the assurance, and well, they said that the girls can say that I hit them with the reverse gear, or that the accident didn't even happen in a street.
So I have to wait a month, after this she will have the fault for sure. But well, if I understood well she wanted to report the accident too.
Huff, planets were aligned against me that day.

Guess what? wrote:Do you avoid the other parts on purpose or don't you have the time to reply to the entire post? xD

Anyway yes, sometimes when I'm angry I punch walls, table, things in general. Indeed, my friends joke on me as "the dude who punches walls when he is drunk"; but actually I do that when I'm angry in general, as I said in the first post, when i'm drunk repressed anger comes out.
Today I let the car checked by the assurance, and well, they said that the girls can say that I hit them with the reverse gear, or that the accident didn't even happen in a street.
So I have to wait a month, after this she will have the fault for sure. But well, if I understood well she wanted to report the accident too.
Huff, planets were aligned against me that day.

Hi Guess What,

Yes, I am "ignoring the other parts on purpose". I believe there are areas that we have been over many times before, and while I can tell you that you should not focus on such stuff, well, talking about it doesn't seem to do much good, so I figure I would ignore it, and you might be able to get the idea socially and subjectively that way. You know, I am not a trained psychologist, and so I have to try to do the best with what I know.

But, yes, in regards to the Insurance, since nobody took any photos (!!!??? in this day and age when people will take photos of their lunch and post it on Facebook, then the idea that people would have a car accident and not think to whip out their phone and photograph everything, well, it seems almost incomprehensible), but since nobody took any photos, then I suppose the decision will be made in terms of just common sense and ordinary probabilities. Oh, how badly was your car, and her car damaged? If the damage was significant, then one can assume it was not parking lot damage. Remember, nearly all cars are built to withstand a 5 mph (8kph), which is typical parking lot speeds, and people going in reverse are often slower than that. Plus, if she admits she was with 3 other women, then there is the factor that she could well have been distracted. Really, it all piles up against her. Do people still get by in Italy by bribing public officials, insurance bureaucrats and the police? If so, you should look into bribing everybody. But, yes, one has to wonder that no small little voice in your head told you to whip out your camera. She did, but she was very selective in regards to the photos she took. when you saw her whip out her camera, what were you thinking? Yes, I honestly believe you need to stop socializing and stay at home and read some books. The Narrative in both Literature and Non-Fiction might be able to get it into your head that above the level of events and social happenings, there is Thought and Reflection. I don't think you understand at some core level that you always need to be thinking. Yes, APPEAR to be Easy Going, but underneath the appearance you need to be always thinking, scheming, planning, evaluating, reflecting, appraising. You can't let yourself be caught short like this again. Especially when you are given reminders (the girl taking a photo). If you had taken photos of the cars still out in the street, photos of her and her girlfriends, photos of the girls laughing, etc, you would be on "easy street" now. I really wonder where your brain was. It is like your Core Being doesn't care about yourself. Yes, you need to do some Dream Work and get in touch with your Deeper Self. It seems that you are not fully present in your own life. That's a problem.

Hi Leo.

Yes, I am "ignoring the other parts on purpose". I believe there are areas that we have been over many times before, and while I can tell you that you should not focus on such stuff, well, talking about it doesn't seem to do much good, so I figure I would ignore it, and you might be able to get the idea socially and subjectively that way.

I was asking just for a tip, dragging example of real life. But if you said that we already talked about it I figure that yes, i have to leave her whatever she wants to do, and I have not to care about what others said.
Or at least, I don't care, just I don't know what's the point of that dude, and why he has the snobbish. I mean, what does change in his life to say those things ('cause he said even more), and what in the world shoul interest in him what I do?

when you saw her whip out her camera, what were you thinking?

I don't know. I was so worried about the car. My parents are really putting on me such pressure in these days, 'cause I pass the night out sometimes. I don't smoke, I don't use drugs, and I don't even drink alcohool in these days, but they think I do something bad out there and so they started to trait me like a kid again.
So when the accident happened I just was in panic and wishing that nothing happened for real.
But hey, it was my first accident, and she could even do some drama in order to don't let me take pictures. Yeah, she takes one of my car, but this means nothing.

Yes, I honestly believe you need to stop socializing and stay at home and read some books. The Narrative in both Literature and Non-Fiction might be able to get it into your head that above the level of events and social happenings, there is Thought and Reflection. I don't think you understand at some core level that you always need to be thinking. Yes, APPEAR to be Easy Going, but underneath the appearance you need to be always thinking, scheming, planning, evaluating, reflecting, appraising.

I stayed at home for an entire year and honestly I don't think it was good for me, and sure I don't want to do it again. I don't want to lose my youth, even if, I'm losing it anyway, don't I? But not for my fault.
then Isolating yourself is seen as a psychic disorder, or at least this is what allarmed my doctor.

I really wonder where your brain was. It is like your Core Being doesn't care about yourself. Yes, you need to do some Dream Work and get in touch with your Deeper Self. It seems that you are not fully present in your own life. That's a problem.

Once you said the opposite. That I think to much on myself.
But well, I was just unprepared, I didn't even know well how things should go in that case. And it could be worst, I could not take her car license plate or saying yes when she wanted to split up the fault

Guess what? wrote:I stayed at home for an entire year and honestly I don't think it was good for me, and sure I don't want to do it again. I don't want to lose my youth, even if, I'm losing it anyway, don't I? But not for my fault.
then Isolating yourself is seen as a psychic disorder, or at least this is what alarmed my doctor.

I don't read here that you made productive use of your time at home. Much can be learned from others' life experience through the writings that they leave behind. Let the words that resonate truth sink into your unconscious, so that when you are out in the world, you will automatically act properly as the situation or circumstance presents itself.

And you don't necessarily have to isolate yourself completely—just stay away from those who are proven to be nincompoops, and the more that you read about the larger world around you by way of what Leo posted, the easier it'll be to identify those you'll need to work around, and move toward that which is for your own higher good.

Meditation practices might be something you'd want to check into as well, if this hasn't been mentioned to you yet.