bipolar mother makes me loose control

When I was young and just out of highschool, I was in a relationship with a girl whose mother had issues with bipolar disorder. We were together for 7 years, and she would have phases where she would refuse to take medication or counseling. She would get better, and then take a turn, stop taking her medication and start lashing out. For the last two years of our relationship, she came to live with us on the condition that she was going to counselling and taking the medications prescribed to her by her doctor. At the time we were living in a split level home, and she practically had the whole downstairs to herself, which was my office previously.

I found that when she was taking her medication, she would defiantly get better. However, you could quickly tell when she wasn't. She would come upstairs and demand things, pick fights with me over meals, work, etc., and criticize our availability(We were her only method of transportation, as she didn't work and we lived too far out for public transport). Some things that helped me:

1) Have somewhere to go. This is important - having a place to cool down can be the difference between everything.

2) I don't know where you live, and I know there will be hostility to this suggestion, but you may want to consider hospitalization. Having been there, I know it's not nice, but if things are really getting that bad and medication is no longer effective or a option, you need to worry about yourself and your mental health.

THIS IS NOT A SUGGESTION TO END AWAY AND FORGET. While she is in, if you so decide, make sure you visit her whenever you can. There was a period early on in our relationship where my girlfriends mother was hospitalized, and it helped her greatly to know that her daughter was showing up every day and looking forward to her release.

3) I know it's hard, but part of healing also is to understand that some of this behavior is not her fault. Misplaced aggression is just as frustrating for you as it is for her.

4) I know this is hard(believe me, I know), but make sure she takes whatever has been prescribed for her, even if for a time. Most medications can take weeks or months to process in a system, and doctor moderation is a must.

5)Distancing one's self physically may help. Having somewhere you can call your own, even if it's not physically separate. Acknowledge that she's trying to exert control over the house, and give yourself somewhere that you can control - a zen garden if you will. It will alleviate some of your stress.

I hope some of this will help, and don't give up!

I lived with a girlfriend who was diagnosed schizophrenic and I found that it is possible to pick up on someone else's thought patterns when you live with them, and that this can work both ways, so looking after yourself and your thought patterns is very important.

Your mental and your physical health are intimately related.

With that in mind can you answer these questions?

Are you eating the right amount of healthy food? (no junk)
Are you drinking the right amount of healthy drinks? (no alcohol, caffeine or fizzy)
Are you taking the right amount of healthy exercise?
Are you getting a good balance between work, rest and play?
Are you choosing positive and optimistic thought patterns?
Are you looking after your personal appearance and your living environment?
Are you able to forgive past hurts?
Are you able to trust your intuition?
Are you thankful to the people who make your life more comfortable?
Are you contributing to your local community?

Hi though not directly involved in caring for a relative I do have a suggestion. If you are in the UK then it may be worth going to your Gp not in order to get teatment for yourself but to discuss the possibly of getting some respite care or additional community mental health support if you havn't tried this already. There is mounting evidence that suggests people undertaking care not directly supplied by social services or otherwise are facing difficulties as a result of stress and burn out. Evocative as these words seem the current thinking suggests that in order to enhance the experiences of carer and caree the needs of the carer also need to be addressed so that they may be able to undertake activities that hold value and meaning that place individuals apart from the sole identity of carer. I hope you find this helpful and that a solution to your needs is quickly found best wishes.

JuliusFawcett wrote:I lived with a girlfriend who was diagnosed schizophrenic and I found that it is possible to pick up on someone else's thought patterns when you live with them, and that this can work both ways, so looking after yourself and your thought patterns is very important.

Your mental and your physical health are intimately related.

With that in mind can you answer these questions?

Are you eating the right amount of healthy food? (no junk)
Are you drinking the right amount of healthy drinks? (no alcohol, caffeine or fizzy)
Are you taking the right amount of healthy exercise?
Are you getting a good balance between work, rest and play?
Are you choosing positive and optimistic thought patterns?
Are you looking after your personal appearance and your living environment?
Are you able to forgive past hurts?
Are you able to trust your intuition?
Are you thankful to the people who make your life more comfortable?
Are you contributing to your local community?

I am pleased to see a specific answer to a post by you. I am interested to know what you meant by "picking up on someone else's thought patterns". What, exactly, does that mean? Is it that you are saying one can begin to see another's thought patterns? Or are you saying one can "catch" another's thought patterns? If I am missing your point, please let me know -- as best you can -- what you meant.
Thank you.

In the same way that advertising companies spend millions of pounds conditioning us to change our thoughts into considering the product that they market is a worthy exchange for our cash, anybody we communicate with frequently offers different thought patterns that we accept or reject, if we are less than fully aware of all of our thought choices it is possible for us to be reprogrammed in this process.

If you find yourself all alone in handling your mother's condition, then as FondofFondu has suggested, community rehabilitation provided by social services could be a good approach. Not letting your own physical/mental health be disturbed is very essential at this stage.

JuliusFawcett wrote:In the same way that advertising companies spend millions of pounds conditioning us to change our thoughts into considering the product that they market is a worthy exchange for our cash, anybody we communicate with frequently offers different thought patterns that we accept or reject, if we are less than fully aware of all of our thought choices it is possible for us to be reprogrammed in this process.

Unfortunately, what you say here I find is true. Very true, especially in the United States right now. Our propaganda level has reached what I believe is an all-time high. And so many of us have serious health problems as a result.

I have, in my own way and guided by good people around me, learned to become aware of my own thought choices. I learned some years ago that the same way I got "programmed" into believing something I really DIDN'T believe deep inside, I can use that way to undo the programming. All I do is repeat a short sentence encapsulating the new thought until I stop laughing and start believing it. It really is that simple. Repetition works, for good or bad.

Hello there,

I too have a similar life style to yourself. My father passed away four years ago and my family has not been the same since.. My mother can be a very angry person. She is not bipolar but has anger problems and it seems like she doesnt know how to smile..

Ill tell you what I do to deal with it..
Music is the key for me. Sometimes its best to put on headphones and just listen to the lyrics.
Maybe you could also plan things to do together to bond that will specifically entertain her or make her happy.

Maybe you could also speak to her doctor and ask for advice.

Hope this helps.