New job- work dynamics killing me

**Posts:** 3 · by **Maria22** » Sat Mar 31, 2018 2:05 pm

I have been at my job for exactly 1 yr now. It is a small company. Our new boss (hired 4 mth ago), berates me, undermines me, etc. Some colleagues appreciate me, others do not. All agree my science contributions are stellar. The issue with them is ‘my behavior is defensive, talk too much in meetings and i am not a cumtural fit’.
While I agree that in a couple of ocasions i have gotten defensive (though never yelled or berated anybody), i have handled many (almost daily) situations where i am insulted or berated and i calmly and peacefully either continue my presentation or shut up, according to the circumstance.
This has evolved into depression, inability to sleep, being misserable on weekends, and more.
I have lived in USA for 32 yrs, but all my family is in South America. My two grown children live out of state (no point calling them with my missery), and my wonderful husband of 30 years is by my side - but cannot make him misserable about this... bottom line, I am alone.
I am 55, not like I can go out and find jobs that easily.
I really need help and advice...

**Posts:** 1554 · by **laureat** » Sat Mar 31, 2018 4:06 pm

problem could be bcs ppl at work always expect more from you to make it easier for themselves, if that is the case you dont have to make everybody happy

**Posts:** 3 · by **Maria22** » Sun Apr 01, 2018 4:36 pm

Thank you laureat for taking the time to reply, and for the quote at the end ‘make life easier’.
I am not trying to please all, just trying to navigate the berating and put me down, that may leas to me loosing my job. I felt sick all weekend...

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Mon Apr 02, 2018 7:16 am

Hi Maria

Reading between the lines, it seems that on the job at least you're goal-oriented rather than relationship-oriented. That could be why people say you're not a good cultural fit: because you're in a relationship-building work culture and your focus is on getting the job done. I was the same for most of my working life.

As long as you're good enough, they won't fire you. However, co-workers will be looking for any slip you make, and they'll be quick to report them, and management will be quick to agree. This could lead to a vicious circle in which you start making mistakes and they have an excuse to push you out... with your confidence in tatters.

Seeing as you need this job, I suggest you make the effort to do some relationship-building, which means noticing the people around you and making an effort to get to know them better. I know it's a tough call when you're already under stress and being criticised, but I think it has to be done.

I wish you all the best.

**Posts:** 3 · by **Maria22** » Thu Apr 05, 2018 11:35 pm

Thank you, Candid, for taking the time to read and reply to me. I am on the quiet side, and not an extrovert. I have taken your advice to heart and have made an effort to interact more with my colleagues on every day. While I have gotten 2 replies to my post, hope you and Laureat know that getting these replies and knowing somebody is trying to help me makes me feel appreciated.
Thanks to both

**Posts:** 1554 · by **laureat** » Fri Apr 06, 2018 12:52 am

sure you are welcomed

about replies i think you get replies on the forum but the question from one another can be more attractive to answer, or easier to have something to say about it

sometimes ppl are unsure what to say, same like you may be unsure whats best for you

questions about jobs im not really good at brcause where i live you can hardly find a job,

quitting a job is not something we do, unless there is a serious problem, like if the boss doesnt even pay you,

but somebody elese may have the luxury to quit and find better job, if you can do that why not?

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