Depressed.

Hi, my name is Cheri (pronounced Sherry). I'm happy to have found this forum.

I'm 49 years old with a wonderful, supportive husband whom I have been married to for 7 years. My husband is not my problem, however, I wonder if being married to him is? I know this is a contradictory statement, so let me explain.

I am originally from New Orleans. I met my husband 8 years ago on the internet. We fell in love and because he had two boys still in high school, we thought that it would be easier for everyone involved if I relocated instead of him.

Like I said, my husband is a wonderful man. However, our personalities are as opposite as they could be. He is very quiet, while I can talk your ear off. He is literally a man of few words. However, whatever comes out of his mouth is always honest, intelligent, witty and always caring.

In New Orleans, I enjoyed the friendship of many. Friendships that have endured 30 years. Since I have moved away, we are still friends and speak occasionally, but it just isn't the same. I miss them.

I have never been a person that found it difficult to make friends. However, I have yet to make that connection with anyone in Mississippi. While I consider my husband my best friend, I miss the girlfriend thing. I miss going shopping with another woman, I miss saying things like 'isn't that cute". I miss having someone to talk to about anything. While my husband tries, he just cannot relate to female things.

So I've fallen into a deep depression. My doctor believes that I am in the early stages of menopause and has put me on Zoloft. While I do think that the Zoloft helps some, I do not feel a whole lot different.

Here's how I feel:

Lonely
Sad
Worthless
Hopeless (we are having financial difficulties).
Worry (worry about anything and everything)
Tired (always very tired)
Anxiety (I have awful anxiety attacks)
Weepy (I cry at the drop of a hat)

I often feel like there is a dark cloud above me.

I make soap and luxury bath products. I am trying to get my business off the ground and there is a good possility that it could happen, if I weren't so tired that I can't make myself go to the soap room and make the products. I love making my products, so I can't understand why I can't get off the sofa to go downstairs to make them. I feel totally lazy, which I know I am not. But that's how I feel. But I'm tired. I can't help it.

I have seen a therapist and I really liked her, but the financial situation doesn't allow me to continue to see her. I have tried other counseling offered by the state, but did not connect with anyone there and really thought it was a waste of my time and theirs.

What is hard for me, is that this is not my personality at all. I have always been a lover of live. Always on the go, always looking for the next adventure. I am definitely a people person, I love people. My husband always comments on how quickly I can fit into a crowd of people we don't know. However, I don't feel like that any more. I don't really feel like going anywhere. It is an effort for me to get dressed and make myself go. This is so not like me.

How do I get me back? I want me back. I want to enjoy my life to the fullest. I want to be happy and greet my sweet husband with the smile he deserves when he gets home from work.

Thank you for listening, if nothing else, it felt good to say this to someone.

Cheri