Mental torcher of Relatinship

Hi Basha!

Fathers (and mothers too!) can be quite a challenge. They want SOOOO much! They often want so desperately for their children to do well and to make good in life that they find it really difficult to stand back and let you find your own path. When you get to be a parent one day, do you think you will be able to let your children find their own way, whatever you yourself think?

If you can think about your father's pressure on you as an expression of his desire for you to do well, even if you find it a burden to listen to him, or feel restricted by what he is saying, you could transform this situation into something positive for yourself. Every time he nags at you, you could say to yourself "He wants me to do well, and I will do well - even if not quite how he imagines!"

You could even have a go at saying to him: "Dad, I really appreciate the fact that you care about me, and want me to do well!" (After all, many people have the sad experience of having parents who don't really care at all...)

This way, you can let him do all the worrying about it, while you concentrate on your studies, and on making important decisions about how you will establish your independence while keeping up important connections.

Good luck, Basha!

Kathleen

Growing as a human being means that the scapholds of childhood and family often become limiting. You can either suppress and step back or understand the underlying dynamics.

You are growing, expanding and as you grow, the structures around you can feel limited. You feel that from you father but it could be anything or anyone.

What to do? Educate those around you about who you are and what you want to achieve. Simply tell them when you feel they are limiting you. No need to be rude or angry. You can say that in a gentle way... Turn to your dad and say: "Hey, do you realize that you are putting me down?"

He might wake up. If he does not get the message the first time, repeat it. Dont be afraid of saying it again and again every time you feel pressured.

Good luck with that

Francisco