Terra2518 wrote:
Oh, ok...so...my fiance and I work our asses.of, pay our own bills, PLUS we clean after the mom, step dad, brother AND sister, because they are f***ing too lazy to pick up after themselves!! then we.have to turn around and make sure the MOMS dogs are taken care of while she is gone? Mind you...she has a f***ing zoo in here! ! don't get me wrong I love her family, but they are f***ing lazy! and her and i pick up after ourselves everytime....so why can't they? I've gotten to the point where I don't even do anyone's dishes, but mine! I clean up MY mess and leave theirs laying wherever. Pisses me off
Have you noticed the tendency you have to encourage your negative feelings? the first thing you should start doing in order to be the new kinder gentler and happier you, is to stop supporting yourself in all of these negative thoughts and emotions. Perhaps the easiest and most effective place to begin is to no longer allow yourself to swear. Using profanity always escalates bad feelings and negative thoughts. Don't say the words and when you catch yourself thinking in terms of swear words, well, stop and make yourself rephrase. you'll be surprised in just how much that simple solution will clear down on a large chunk of your negativity.
Next, to quote Shakespeare, "nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so". Look at how you construe all these things in such a negative way? But what good does it do? If you plan on staying with this family, then you can do all the extra work gladly, or you can put together a plan for moving out. But complaining, and especially all of that border line hostile and aggressive behavior, well, it makes you feel bad about yourself, and that is a good enough reason for stopping it. And you can stop it best by no longer considering these Thoughts either necessary or even justified. To be your own best friend, you need to stop being your own worst enemy. If you find that the worst advice comes from your own head, well, first, stop listening to yourself (not easy or very practical, but may work in emergencies), and secondly, change how you tend to put a negative spin on so much that you think about. I’m not suggesting Rose Colored Glasses, but only that you take off the Dark and Gloomy ones.
People have more control over their lives than they generally believe possible. Usually the lacking quantity is Attention and Focus. People work on their problems for a day or two and then get drawn away by other priorities. You need to simply stay with this Anger problem. The best way I have found to do that is to read from almost any anger management book daily. It will keep you focused on the idea of anger as a problem that you have. Of course, better books are preferable to books that are worse, and below I point you to some books that I have found helpful.
books I would recommend:
One book I recommend, because I found I gave it a splendid review on Amazon is “Angry All The Time: An Emergency Guide to Anger Control” by Ronald Potter-Efron (my review is on the 3rd page of the 5 Stars). I had said that it is the one book most likely to bring anybody back ‘from the edge’.
You might want to start by reading a book: – “Cognitive and Dialectical Therapy Unleashed”, by James Ashley. It’s a good little affordable book that will tell about Cognitive Behavior Therapy – how to change your thinking in order to change your behavior.
One of my favorite anger management books: Peter Favaro "Anger Management". I read it through over twice now, and he seems to keep his ideas organized better than most people in the anger management field.