I am officially sick of being anorexic

overexposed wrote:I couldn't sleep last night, instead kept crying because I was so f***ing hungry and still wouldn't allow myself to eat, because if I did eat I would feel like a fat disgusting pig and I'd spend more hours rolling in my bed trying not to think about throwing up, because eating before I sleep is just something that I can't do, it's brutal...

Then I thought about pulling out the scale and checking if my weight is low enough to allow me to eat, but then it all felt so f***ing insane, getting up from bed and weighing myself after midnight and all... long story short I just wanted to die, I wished I would have a heart attack and just die, because this is so much and it's so sickening, and I don't see any way out of this, but I'm so f***ing tired of the way something in my head keeps convincing me that I'm not hungry and I can control my intake, I'm not like other weak losers, I don't have to f***ing eat I'm strong... it's all just bs and it never ends it's like I'm in a prison and I'm not allowed to eat except I'm a prisoner inside my head.