by benjaminfry » Wed Jun 02, 2004 8:23 pm
Jo,
Here's an idea that might make sense to you. There was apparently a study done once about driving habits and safety. they found that the more safe a car was made the more risks we would take driving it. the overarching theory was that we had a constant threshold of danger that we liked to live at and if you make one thing safer, then another gets more dangerous to compensate.
my view (explained in more detail in my book) is that we have a similar pattern of behaviour with our emotional housekeeping. it stands to reason that there is only so much we can take. when life exceeds our threshold we store up emotions (which I think of as trauma). when life then later gets safer, there is the opportunity for these feelings to be reprocessed (hence the e-motion).
you have arrived at what sounds like a very safe place in your life. what better time than this to let out something that has remained hidden within for so long? the confusing thing is that you may have no idea where this is coming from. it could be from something beyond your recall such as birth trauma or troubles in infancy.
I went through something very similar after getting engaged and my wife becoming pregnant. my humble advise is simply to let it happen, and don't compound the suffering by judging yourself negatively. you are being given an opportunity to clear away some of the detritus of your soul and when you do so you will be able to better enjoy all the fruits of your life that you mention.
Treat yourself with kindness and be patient. Best of luck.
Benjamin
[note: I asked Admin for permission to copy your post to my forum because I thought others might like to know about it - let me know if you mind]