Constantly labeling people.

**Posts:** 18 · by **Neosashi** » Fri Apr 30, 2010 8:47 pm

Wow, I'm so glad I found this site. I can't wait to start helping people out with my opinions on psychology, that's actually what I want to go to school for....I hate having my first post being a question when I haven't taken the time to check out other people's posts yet, but I'm really upset right now.

Today I couldn't help but acknowledge just how much I tend to label people. It doesn't take me very long, I'm always very fair, I think...but whenever I talk to somebody for more than a few minutes I usually have already made my assumption on, not who they are, but whether I want to associate with them or not. I don't want to talk to people that I don't want to talk to. Is that wrong? I have done this ever since I was a kid and I'm 20 years old now. For instance, when I was 7 my mom would go over to her friends house and my mom's friend would have a kid that I was always had to play with. He was always into spots and liked to ruff house. I hated being touched by this kid, let alone ruff housed, and sports wasn't my thing. I more liked sitting still and engaging in maybe a board game or book. I hated it whenever my mom went over to this kids house. The kid asked me if I was his best friend at one time, and I lied and said yes because I knew it would hurt his feelings if I told him the truth. I know I must have at least a heart if do those kind of things, but lately I've been finding it harder and harder to that sort of stuff.

Don't get me wrong, I have a couple of close friends in my life that I get along with great. I'm not antisocial, I enjoy the company of good friends, but it seems to me that over 90 percent of the people I meet are people that I don't want to have anything to do with. Today at work I didn't want to talk to ANYBODY, except my boss that I get along with great, and maybe one other person. Does that make me inadequate ? Today at work I tried to be social, but I was bombarded with thoughts like, " This person is stupid, why are you talking to him?" or, "This person is clearly an idiot", "Man, she is so annoying, is she clueless of the hints I give out that I don't want to talk to her?" I am literally a dick to some of these people in hopes that they will leave me alone, but they don't seem to understand! That's why I'm worried about myself. It's not like I'm a snob. I don't think that I'm "better" than any of these people, I just flat out don't want to talk to them.

I'm honest with myself, which is why I don't see why I can't be honest with them. In fact, I'm probably harder on myself than most people. For instance: I know that I'm smart, but I lack common sense, I'm good at my job, but it's easy (and actually alot of people suck at it, which astounds me at times.) I get along with people, but only people I like. I'm cynical, but I care about the well being of people I love. I could go on, but my point is that I am willing to admit what kind of a person I am.

I just want to know...not maybe so much what people think of my situation, but if anybody has as much of a problem with labeling people as me. I know how to be social and all that. It's like I have a picture in my head of what I'm supposed to say to these people, but I just don't want too. It's not like I don't give them a chance, but when they prove to me that they are somebody that I don't want to associate with what am I supposed to do? Should I associate with them only when I have to, or should I make an effort?

My only thought are that I'm in the wrong place, I live in Saint Louis, Missouri - America- and I know I don't want to be here. Does anybody have any thoughts?

**Posts:** 1630 · by **Motivated** » Sat May 01, 2010 5:25 pm

I can really relate, but I think everybody labels to one extent or another...it's part of thinking, - & discerning is important. For example, a woman I hadn't talked to for a long time was all of a sudden really friendly - got my number, called & talked for a while - & then tried selling me stuff. Her unusual friendliness wasn't genuine & I sensed it, but I went with it, even though, somehow, I knew it wasn't genuine & was maybe a waste of time. Or was it? It was nice to talk, even if it was based on her wanting to sell. What are relationships for? Friendship, love, connection, exchanging ideas, work/networking, hobbies... & I think especially - to reveal things about ourselves... I'm learning that I don't have to like everything about somebody to still connect with them. I'm in a dance class with several other women, a couple of whom, I find very rude. But we're dancing together in a group, whether we "get along" or not. Personally, I feel better when I think good thoughts about others, so I'm TRYING to focus on what's good about them (& myself) & what we have in common.

When I 1st met my best friend when I was 13, we hated each other...but now we're like sisters! We've been there for each other through more than I can say here! An open mind with people is important because, 1) we only see the tip of the ice berg, 2) people are constantly changing (think how different you were 10 years ago) & 3) we'd like others to be open-minded with us & we often assume people think similarly as we do.

Still, some relationships will be better than others, depending on trust, reciprocity & ability to relate. I've often told my kids to "choose friends wisely, but be nice to everyone."

**Posts:** 1 · by **Felixdecat** » Wed May 19, 2010 10:03 am

Dude I literally found this website by googleing "why cant I be bothered to socialize". To cut this short my story pretty much fits yours exactly.

If you don't like Saint Louis, Missouri then I don't recommend you come to Hervey Bay, Australia. Friends and I use to always joke in our youth that Hervey bay was a sinkhole that sucks the life out people making them boring. Sponge people they hang around with interesting people and try to suck their fun out like a social vampire.

I don't really have any advise for you (if i did I would use it myself lol) but atleast you know there is somone who shares your point of view

One of my good mates hates people by default. It always gives me a good chuckle when people wonder why he hates, they just don't understand you have to prove that your not retarded first.

ps. Never play WoW. Well at-least never be a raid leader its like having to deal with a bunch of mentally disabled people that cant follow simple patterns. Its kinda like being in management but not getting paid.

**Edit**
Btw if you didn't know this already I believe the term for people like us is "introvert"

**Posts:** 12 · by **Dean_Winchester** » Tue May 25, 2010 10:15 am

We all label and judge people. Maybe you do it more than most people but who cares? You are not hurting anyone by labeling them. Why should you force yourself to spend time with someone if you're not interested in them?

It might be unfair on your part to be doing this, as maybe you're labeling people too quickly; some of them might actually be really interesting people, but you've only seen the tip of the iceberg and made your opinion based on that. But so what? it's not like you've murdered anybody.

I wouldn't worry about it. If you're happy with the number of friends you have, then you're fine. But if you feel like something or someone is missing in your life, then you should make more effort at being interested (or pretending to be - at least in the begining) in other people and not labeling them too quickly.

**Posts:** 5 · by **Zebrareader** » Sun Jun 27, 2010 7:23 am

I, too, do not see the problem in labeling people unless you are doing it on your job such as labeling students as slow, brilliant, dishonest and so on if you are a teacher and other professions such as police officers and looking at people from different races as lazy, dishonest, etc. based on their race. That is racial profiling. But on a personal basis, what the heck, it is like someone said it isn't a form of murder.

I let my feelings and labeling show me who is trustworthy in situations in which I am alone and vulnerable. I think that is part of protecting the self. I have changed my mind on many people and feel I could again but I am on the look out for people who are trying to use me for their own reasons which may not be alright for me. I am sure they are doing the same to me.

**Posts:** 1 · by **Debra** » Tue Jul 06, 2010 4:03 am

I just joined and I'm glad to have found this site. I'm a labeler too, and like Neosashi, I find many people just not worth talking to. It's not like I don't try---I'm friendly to everyone I meet and I can certainly fake it if needed, and I enjoy being friendly. But, it seems that after only a short period of time (it varies) I have to babysit them, or talk to them like they're dolls or something. Everything I read regarding mental health and longevity emphasizes lifelong friendships, community, and some sort of "spiritual faith." These things are not that easy---I'm a nonbeliever (it's not a choice), and I would love some lifelong friends but they're hard to come by. I do have a sense of community (I love animals and volunteer) but again, stuff I see just makes me label (and reject) people even more. Someone told me I'm judgmental, to which I've always thought, how can you not be? I'm not racist, or mean-spirited, or obnoxious to anyone...I'm always looking for intelligent like-minded people to communicate with. Isn't everybody? My most common labels for people are: boring, doesn't listen, talks too much, tiny-minded, too religious, too full of themselves. So am I being intolerant? How much of your soul do you have to forfeit to have all these friends? No one wishes to be labeling people "brilliant" or "fascinating" more than I do! But I feel that I'm somehow the one losing out...or not? I do have a few friends, and a partner, so I'm not totally alone.

Also, I think it definitely makes a difference where you live...I lived in a small state in the northeast US all my life until 5 years ago, and it almost killed me. (I'm in my early fifties now, and I've been this way for a long time!) It took every ounce of willpower and strength and energy and money I had to relocate across country but it was worth it. Now I live in AZ and it's much better for me---but apparently not enough because here I am!

**Posts:** 22 · by **smoo** » Wed Sep 01, 2010 7:30 pm

I agree with Dean Winchester. We all label people, in fact it's necessary, because most people we meet we are not going to get to know very well, but we need to have a handle on them to know how best to interact with them. But there is a danger in labeling people to quickly... actually, that's not quite right. There is a danger in labeling people too inflexibly. You should always be ready to change or refine your label as you get to know someone better, and not let first impressions define how you will always see them. Most people will surprise you in some way once you get to know them better, however unlikely that may seem at first. Keep an open mind, and make time for people to allow you to get to know them.

Constantly labeling people.

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