angry, lonely, frustrated

when people are immersed in their emotions/experience, trying to get info from them can be elusive. So if it seems like I'm egging you on, I'm really not.

What's important about getting your vacation pay?

Yeah, anger is very tricky because we can feel like we are in control of our emotions and thinking straight, when in reality we're really off the wall. I used to keep a tape recorder with me when I was working and I once came across this woman who was angry at her husband. She began to become angry at me too when I was trying to rationalize with her on logical options. I asked her if she realized that I was not her husband and that her yelling at me was scaring me. She insisted that she was the calm one and that she was not yelling and I had to replay her voice on the tape recorder for her to finally realize that she had in fact been yelling at the top of her lungs. The point of this is that anger makes us think with our emotional minds rather than our rational minds and this can get us into trouble. When we are angry, we tend to confuse assertiveness with retribution or revenge. We become so enfused with the idea of being the dominant one, or the right one, or the superior one, that we lose sight of the greater picture. My mentor once told me, "Speak out of anger and you will make the greatest speech you will live to regret."

My students sometimes ask me, "Well, isn't it good to be assertive? Other psychologists say to turn anger into assertiveness." I tell them sure assertiveness is better than using anger, but the problem is that it becomes too easy to make assertiveness into a opportunity to make a personal attack on the other person. I pose the question, "Would you go to a job interview while you were drunk, even if you know what to tell them?" The logical answer would be 'no' because you run the risk of saying or doing something stupid or embarrassing. It's better to cancel that interview, sober up and then tackle the interview another time when your head is clear. When you feel you are angry, don't go deeper into it--instead take a break and handle it when you're fresh.

But hey, it sounds like you recognize and you even admit that your anger got the best of you in that situation and I'm really proud of you for that. Thats the hardest part--to admit that our emotions got the best of us. What that tells me is that you are learning from that experience and you are consciously trying to improve yourself through your interactions. I have no doubt that you will be a success if you keep at it, afterall, I was the same way!!! Keep it up, OK?? You're doing good!!!!

Yes, I hope I learn something from this! I can tell you I'm not feeling so good at all right now. I wonder if I should quit? It seems like I've done so much damage, but even now, I don't want to quit. I get really stubborn, but isn't this already a sign that the job is causing me a lot of stress? I'm having a hard time trusting myself. What about the next time? Yes, I'm worried there will be a next time. I think it could be better to quit, then leave more humiliated, embarressed, etc., nothing is working out for me. I got a D in my math class this summer. I don't see my way through to ever have a college degree. I'm to late to enroll in fall classes now. If I don't graduate by spring I have to take an additional 21 credits according to a letter I received from the President of the college I go to. I'm just spinning my wheels it seems and getting nowhere in life. At least when I was more the passive type I could keep a job until I quit. Anyway I appreciate your response.

Okay! another post by me! I get what you're saying! I was to angry to be assertive, right?? I had several thoughts to go home, and come back later. Even after she took me into the manager's office, there was a few minutes in there by myself, when I strongly thought, just leave go home, and this can all be fixed later. I am learning more, and more not to react, but this just caught me so off guard! ...and the well being of my children is involved. I could get by on any amount of money, but when it comes to my children, I can't stand the thought!

Hey,

I'm glad you're learning more about how your anger works. You're right about getting angry when your children are involved. It's programmed in us to protect our young. Unfortunately, we can no longer attack the other side without facing even greater consequences ourselves and its just because of this reason, that other people threaten to take away our needs in order to provoke us into reacting out of anger.

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, so to speak. I know exactly what you mean and how hard it is to tackle so many barriers to success. Don't let that get you down though. Focus on one thing at a time, rather than the entire package and just attack the problem in bite-sized chunks. Don't let anyone pull you down by making you angry either. Dont give them that opportunity to pull you back down. Imagine that right now you are stuck inside a dark forest and can't find your way out because there are so many tall trees and branches obscuring the path. Change your perspective by climbing a mountain and looking over the forest to find the path home. What I'm trying to say is that focusing on the bigger picture is a lot easier than on the current barriers. Keep your heart on that goal and work your way towards that goal. You'll make it...Just don't give up on yourself. Ok?

dont be 2 hard to urself, in this kind of circumstances, its simply easy 4 anybody to feel sooo bad ! have u ever thought about getting any help?