Methods to Control Your Anger

Dear BestCatcher,

Huh!? Look at your List.... check out Number Three:

UNDERSTANDING THAT ANGER IS HEALTHY AND NORMAL

Really!? Who exactly is THAT supposed to Help?

This IS an Anger Management Forum and it is Basically Oriented toward seeing Anger as a Negative Thing that must be Impeded, Controlled and Stopped. Telling Desperately Troubled Angry People who come to us for Help, that their Crazy Violent and Homicidal Rages are all just Perfectly Healthy and Normal would SEEM to be BLAMING THEM for EVEN THINKING that they have a REAL PROBLEM..... as in "Your Real Problem is in thinking You have a Problem". Yes, that would be TOTALLY ZEN, but it would also be blatantly harmful and destructive to the People we are trying to Help.

and just think about what your Advice would lead to in Actual Practice.... "Go ahead, if you are Angry at your Boss, just smack him over the head with your Office Chair and strangle him with the telephone chord...that would be SO Healthy and Normal!". Oh, and if the Mode Strikes, well, it would be SO healthy and normal to toss your Spouse through the living room Picture Window and then set fire to the House...

Yes, Granted, that Anger in MANY DYSFUNCTIONAL CULTURES IS, in fact, NORMAL. But this is only because the Cultures are All Screwed Up. In some Cultures Murder is entirely Acceptable, given rather surprisingly slight Justifications. But NORMAL does not make it RIGHT. Some Cultures, as we can see in the World Today, are NORMALLY TERRORIST... Terrorists are Cultivated, Recruited and Honored for their Terror... As Per Normal. but that does not make it Right, or make it Healthy.

and even in regards to Small Scale Anger... for instance, WHEN is making and ugly public scene EVER Healthy? When is Flipping Out and insulting or humiliating Friends, Family and Loved Ones... or even just Strangers and Co-Workers... when is THAT ever Healthy?

what is Healthy is to have a Physical, Mental and Emotional Constitution that is always at Peace with Itself.



Now, let's look at where such bazaar Ideas come from -- Ideas such as that Anger is Healthy and Normal. Well, I suspect that such Odd and Self Contradictory Ideas come from Popular Authors of the cheaper sort of Anger Management Books -- by the kind of Authors that THINK they need to FIND a NEW ANGLE for dealing with Anger. Basically THEIR Intended Market is for People who have been TOLD by all their Friends and Family that they NEED Anger Management Help, but instead of REALLY Seeking HELP, they Find some Crack Pot Book which Tells them that Anger is Perfectly Okay, so they can go back and tell all their Friends and Family that "See! I don't have a real Problem after All. I am "Normal and Healthy". Such Books ONLY Promote Evasion and Denial. and SHAME on the Scamming and Corrupt Authors who would Feed on Such a Sick and Twisted Market Segment. You know, it is great to make Money, but as Human Beings we should all respect certain Moral and Ethical Constraints... not that THAT is very Normal Nowadays. People seem to do Anything for Money.


Anyway. Please. This is a Serious Forum, and no one is here to make a Quick and Easy Pay Check. So Let us all try to be Productive, Helpful, and even if it is a bit of a stretch for to us ... to be Thoughtful and Rational.

maybe its better if you can explain each number on your next post, so that misunderstanding can be prevented.

until now i am very easy to become upset (angry) and its hard coz i do things that i regret later on. So i get myself out in that environment and do some other things ALONe. It helps me a lot to forgive and to forget.

After all im afraid to myself when i am angry more than im afraid to other people's anger.

Have a happy people! Life is Short.....

I just found this topic really interesting.
Number three (Understanding that Anger is Healthy and Normal) got my ATTENTION.

I agree with what Mr. Leo Volont said. Anger was really terrifying when this turns to get out of control and destructive. This is really not normal and it can lead to some major problems. Terrorist Blah! Blah!, Smack your boss with chair blah! blah!. That's f***in insane!
(sorry with my blah!)

@Leo
Let me share my opinion about number three. I agree with you with the fact that anger is the root of what you said (Terrifying and destructive). But I also believe that anger is normal at all. Yes, anger is normal and healthy but not in a way that leads to terror that you were talking about.

It is normal because anyone can be angry at times. Just like you, I believe that you're angry with your comment because you didn't like what bestcatcher said on his list. It is normal if you didn't like something or someone. You are angry but did you smack someone, did terrorist recruited you (did you join?)? I believe you aren't, because you are not angry enough to do such things.

If you did know what a normal and not normal anger was. Then you are ready we're to work at. You can sort things up. You can be better at controlling it.

Hope that helps!

Rain Kierr wrote:

...It is normal because anyone can be angry at times. Just like you, I believe that you're angry with your comment because you didn't like what bestcatcher said on his list. It is normal if you didn't like something or someone. You are angry but did you smack someone

Dear Rain,

I think that you are doing what many English Speaking People Do... you are Using the Word Anger in Two Different Senses -- in ONE Sense, you are referring to what is an Unpleasant and Agitating Emotion concerning something that One find Objectionable, that is, ANGER as an EMOTION; and then there is the Second Sense of the word 'Anger', meaning Impulsively Aggressive, Confrontational and Hostile BEHAVIOR, that is, ANGER as a BEHAVIOR.

As a credentialed Philosopher and an amateur Linguist, well. it is Appalling Derelict of the English Language to use One Word for Two Separate Things. If Anger is BOTH an Emotion AND a Behavior, then we can say "The Man became Angry because he got Angry". Now, exactly WHAT does that explain?

SO, I use the Word Anger only in regards to the BEHAVIOR. In THAT CASE, well, I THINK you owe me an apology for insisting in your argument that I myself had beome ANGRY. Now, how is that? Did I Cuss? Did I Swear? did I Threaten? Well.... I was a bit Sarcastic at times, and so you could redeem yourself, but only if you could Isolate one of my Inappropriate Behaviors, but Not Simply My Annoyed and Offended Emotional Reception of that Person's intrinsically ambiguous and misleading and somewhat useless Post.

If any King of the English Speaking World would ask me my Opinion as to how to Fix the dilemma of using the Word Anger to mean both a Behavior and an Emotion, I would say to keep Anger as purely the Behavior Word, but to give a New Name, really, and Old One, to the Underlying Emotion... the Word "HATE". Yes, People hate the word HATE. they try to avoid the word hate as being somehow indecent. they think it is Softer somehow to use the word Anger, when what they really mean is HATE, pure and simple. If it is Important enough to become Angry about, then you can admit that it is caused by something you simply HATE. Don't people say it all the time... during Angry Discourses how often do you hear people listing all the Reasons why they HATE whatever has provoked their Anger?


"The Man got Angry because something happened to him which he Hates". Now, THAT explains something. It would be far better if English were not imprecise and ambiguous. What are we anyway? Savages?

But, moving on. Again, NORMAL means Nothing. Animals get Angry. but we are Evolved and Evolving Human Beings. If certain Cultures are so Un-Evolved that Animalistic Behavior is Normal For them, well, what a pity it is for them... and for any of US who have to deal with them. but we KNOW that some people.... indeed, a great many people in absolute terms, even if not approaching a Majority, but these Many People have Cultured Themselves and Risen to the Level of no longer behaving Impulsively. They've Learned a Kind of Bio-Feedback. If a Hateful Emotion occurs to them, well, they've Conditioned themselves to Respond with the Mind and Intellect, and not with the Animal Body's Instinctive and Impulsive (thoughtless) Reaction.

the best example I can think of is the English Gentile Classes of about 100 years ago, when Servants were still quite common. there was the Universal Dictum "Shush! Not in front of the Servants". and this was not so much insisted upon by Adults to other Adults, as all of the Gentile Adults understood the Principle already, but it was pounded into the children even from their First Tantrums. Don't give the Servants anything to gossip about, or the entire Neighborhood will know our Business. It was understood that with the Convenience of keeping Servants, there came the inherent Cost of Losing ones Privacy. but it forced them into Behaving Proper at all Times... and the Conditioning Went On Generation after Generation. These People, because of their consistent Upbringing, were simply not prone to becoming behaviorally angry. If a Gentile Person ever did become noticeably Angry, well, people would invariably question that person's 'Breeding'. Even the Servants thought Loud and Agitated Behavior from one of their 'Betters' was LOW, and would soon be looking for a New Position (good Servants were in quite high demand toward the end... before the Wars...

and, finally, as to Anger being Healthy. Well, of course Angry Behavior is Always to be Lamented. BUT, who is REALLY ready to Absolutely Insist that HATE is healthy?

Hate IS an emotion. Hate is not an Intellectual Evaluation. Hate, as a Reactive Emotion is more than likely going to Get Us into, if not Trouble, then Turmoil... Mental Anguish... that kind of thing. Is THAT what is so Healthy?

Look at the Stoic Philosophies of the Hellenic Civilization of Rome, and the Philosophies of the East. they insist upon Dispassion, Objectivity, and Detachment. their Idea is that Emotions Cloud Clear Thinking.

So, in my Final Assessment, there is No Way On God's Green Earth that Anger, or Whatever You Call It, can Ever be Healthy. As I said in my first Post... it is some Silly Gimmick of Profiteering and Predatory New Age Authors looking for a New Angle for Selling Anger Management Books...

Anger has its good qualities and bad .like the old saying too much is bad for all of us. But it’s normal to feel that way.Life is full of frustrations and hardships. When we use our frustration and anger to motivate us to change something in our life, anger and frustration end up being good and helpful.

Even God gets angry. God gets angry when there is a violation of his character

@Leo

I think we see things in different perspective. You have your own opinion about what Bestcatcher said and I have mine. I don't want to give a d*mn about what you were saying. Because I believe that you are smart, too smart not to see it in a simplest way. You're just over reacting with this post. I will stick to my decision that indeed, anger is normal and healthy.

Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong. Anger can be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems. But excessive anger can cause problems.

The issue here was you have a problem with some Authors that you think that they were using it just to sell books.

@bestcatcher

Anger has its good qualities and bad .like the old saying too much is bad for all of us. But it’s normal to feel that way.Life is full of frustrations and hardships. When we use our frustration and anger to motivate us to change something in our life, anger and frustration end up being good and helpful.

Even God gets angry. God gets angry when there is a violation of his character

Thanks for keeping it simple

bestcatcher wrote:Anger has its good qualities and bad .like the old saying too much is bad for all of us. But it’s normal to feel that way.Life is full of frustrations and hardships. When we use our frustration and anger to motivate us to change something in our life, anger and frustration end up being good and helpful.

Even God gets angry. God gets angry when there is a violation of his character

Now, after so much discussion and controversy, you are not even trying to explain.

Please, try to make some effort. If you find you can't explain yourself clearly and logically, well, that should tell you something about the quality of the argument you are trying to convince all of us of. Yes, you yourself might be an Easy Believer... if it Sounds Good well isn't that Good Enough? But, really, again, please try to really get involved here. So far platitudes and assertions really haven't seemed to help anybody, don't you agree?

Rain Kierr wrote:@Leo

I think we see things in different perspective. You have your own opinion about what Bestcatcher said and I have mine. I don't want to give a d*mn about what you were saying. Because I believe that you are smart, too smart not to see it in a simplest way. You're just over reacting with this post. I will stick to my decision that indeed, anger is normal and healthy.

Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong. Anger can be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems. But excessive anger can cause problems.

The issue here was you have a problem with some Authors that you think that they were using it just to sell books.

@bestcatcher

Anger has its good qualities and bad .like the old saying too much is bad for all of us. But it’s normal to feel that way.Life is full of frustrations and hardships. When we use our frustration and anger to motivate us to change something in our life, anger and frustration end up being good and helpful.

Even God gets angry. God gets angry when there is a violation of his character

Thanks for keeping it simple

Dear Mr. Rain Kierr

Well, to each their own. some people just like the Shallow End of the Pool. But I would be embarrassed intellectually if I dismissed a complex intellectual argument simply because I find it complex and inconvenient. You don't seem to care whether I am Right or Not. You just find it easier to believe what you believed going into it.

Well, so much for the Illuminating Properties of Discussion. People apparently would rather be entirely fixed in what they believe. Sticking with ones instinctual or Neighborhood Beliefs is much easier than Thinking. Remember what Thomas Edison the Famous Inventor said, "The Thing that people find the hardest to do is Think, and so they tend to avoid it". I think he was commenting on why HE was inventing so many things while reasonably intelligent people all around the World weren't inventing much of anything at all.